OK, it's the first night of Dancing with the Stars 6th season. Who will win in this struggle for "ultimate ballroom supremacy" as Tom Bergeron calls it? Well, Kristi Yamaguchi will, duh. But we won't get to see Kristi until tomorrow night - for tonight we're watching the guys dance.
First we got to see all the pros do their thing in a big opening number. They're very precise in their movements, aren't they? They're like incredibly advanced robots who were created just for dancing. It makes me want to learn ballroom dancing, watching those guys.

First up: Penn Jillette and Kym Johnson.
This is suspenseful. What if he falls and crushes her? Penn is a big dude. Even Kim says, in her cute Aussie accent: "Penn is huge, he's enormous, he's a giant." She doesn't add: "And I'm in fear for my life."
They did OK! Penn flopped around a little, but has good stage presence, which goes a long way, but needs more practice. The flower trick at the end was cute. Judges gave them 16 out of 30, which is not a disaster. He did better than I thought he would do, but the guy must have some discipline and work ethic to be as successful as he is.

Next... Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska
Wow, he did pretty good. Jason and Edyta danced a foxtrot and the Dolphins' defensive end looked like he really had his act down. Technically he was everywhere he needed to be and his form and footwork seemed very precise. However, he seemed a little stiff and there wasn't a lot of emotion or chemistry in their performance. Bruno noted this and wanted to see more sexy, and I agree. I think Bruno wants to see more sexy everywhere he goes. "This 7-11 needs more sexy, more attack!!!"
Jason and Edyta scored a 22 out of 30. Carrie Ann and Bruno gave them a 7 each, while Len was generous and gave them an 8. I think Jason Taylor will just get better and more relaxed as the weeks go on - he will be tres formidable.
Next up: Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke
This looks like it could shape up to be a strong team. Cheryl Burke has won twice on Dancing with the Stars, and Cristian knows that he's in good hands. They danced the cha-cha, and while Cristian's footwork looked fluid and precise, his upper body was all over the place. Just watching him next to Cheryl you could really notice how tight and controlled her upper body and arms are compared to Cristian.
The judges noticed too, calling Cristian out on his hunched shoulders. Carrie Ann seemed a little smitten with the Chilean heart throb, didn't she? Bruno urged Cristian to "bang just as hard as her." Oh, Bruno. You so crazy.
The judges gave Cristian and Cheryl a 21 out of 30. I thought they did a little better than Jason and Edyta, but what do I know?
Next... Adam Carolla and Julianne Hough
They've got some work to do. Carolla looked stiff and somewhat terrified out there, which is understandable since the foxtrot is way out of his frame of reference. The judges weren't overly impressed either - each of them gave Adam and Julianne a 5, for a total score of 15 out of 30. Ouch.
I have a feeling we're not going to be seeing a lot of them this season. Call it a hunch.
Next up... Mario and Karina Smirnoff
Here's what I learned: at 21, Mario is the youngest contestant ever to grace the floor on Dancing with the Stars, and his partner Karina had an operation for a herniated something or other in her neck while they were rehearsing. I half expected her to come out with a neck brace, but she seemed OK.
They did really well! Mario clearly has some game and the two of them had fantastic chemistry. I think Mario might have a little crush on Karina - he's awfully kissy, isn't he? Karina gets points for the prettiest outfit as well.
The judges really liked them, too. Mario and Karina scored triple 8s for a 24 out of 30. Len and Bruno admonished Mario for his footwork, but as a layman I'd say his footwork seemed fine. This looks like the couple to beat.
And finally... Steve Guttenburg and Anna Trebunskaya
The Guttenburg delivers! He might not be the best technical dancer among the men, but he's certainly not the worst, and the guy was clearly having a ball. His foxtrot was a little heavy footed and awkward, but what he lacks in technique he makes up for in charm and showmanship. The judges were swayed by The Guttenburg's charms as well, giving the couple an 18 out of 30. I'm rooting for Steve to stick around a little longer - as a matter of fact, I voted for Steve and Anna - because I'm a child of the Eighties and because he brings a sense of joy and fun to the whole thing. He's in pretty good shape, too! Go Guttenburg!
OK, tomorrow night it's the ladies' turn. I'll be back to break it down and to chart the ascendancy of The Guchi. We'll see if she's the unstoppable force that I think she is...
-Dave Campbell