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THE BACHELOR - Where they at?

Some questions burn within us like tiny embers that never die.  Who named the colors?  How come there has never been a good movie about a banjo-playing cat?  What ever happened to Andrew Firestone from The Bachelor?

This week some of those questions have been answered by The Bachelor: Where Are They Now?  No, it wasn't called The Bachelor: Where They At? although that would have been funny if it was.

Hosted by Chris Harrison, this special took a look at the fates of some of our favorite Bachelors and Bachelorettes from seasons past - including Andrew Firestone, whose relationship with Jen sadly dissolved.  Or maybe not so sadly.  Andrew met a nice gal named Ivana and they just got married last weekend in what was undoubtedly a lavish wedding and reception on his family's estate, which looked like it was approximately the size of Oregon.

We also checked in with Matt and Shayne (still together), Bachelor Bob Guiney who has hooked up with an actress, and Aaron Buerge from the second season of The Bachelor.  Aaron was the only one who said he'd like a do-over.  He proposed to Helene, but things didn't work out and their relationship ended up lasting months instead of decades.  Aaron now kind of wishes he had spent a little more time getting to know a couple of the other girls.  The heart is a fickle and easily confused organ.

Trista and Ryan, on the other hand, have no regrets.  The first Bachelorette, Trista has a lot in common with this season's Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas in that they were both dumped on The Bachelor and then got a second shot at love by appearing on The Bachelorette.  She found the man of her dreams, Ryan, on that show and the two are happily married with a cute lil' munchkin in Vail, CO.  They seem sincerely happy.

To get some pointers from a couple who has shared their unusual courtship, DeAnna and Jesse visited Trista and Ryan at their home.   Trista in particular had some good pointers for DeAnna.  She advised DeAnna to enjoy the fun things that accompany being a Bachelorette, but to make sure that she established a real day-to-day relationship with Jesse away from the glamour and limousines and cameras. 

Ryan told Jesse to get in some time as a couple before they started having babies - DeAnna wants THREE KIDS before she's 30! - because once the kids arrive, priorities change and your life transforms.  He speaks the truth.

Will DeAnna and Jesse make it as a couple?   I give them better odds than Matt and Shayne from this year's The Bachelor.  I certainly wish them well.  I'm sure we'll be checking in with them next season to see how things are going - let's hope it's nothing but good news.

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELORETTE - Wha-? What just happened?

Seriously, I did not see that coming. 

It all makes sense to me now, but I thought for sure that DeAnna was going to pick single dad Jason over snowboarder Jesse. 

Oh, how profoundly wrong I was.

In the final rose ceremony of this season's Bachelorette, DeAnna undoubtedly surprised more people than just me when she picked Jesse, a guy who was really not DeAnna's type but turned out to be her soul mate.  Nobody can say the guy didn't love her - Jesse was clearly smitten with DeAnna and was charmingly nervous about this last phase of the show.  In the end he won her (and her family) over with his sincerity and his total Jesse-ness.

Although I feel bad for poor Jason, judging from the reaction of the female crowd at the After the Rose show, women will now be throwing themselves at the guy.  If he doesn't hook up with anyone, Jason would make a good candidate for the next season of The Bachelor.  Sensitive but fun single dad from Seattle with a broken heart - he's like a movie character!  I join the chorus of fans who want Jason for the next Bachelor.

DeAnna and Jesse are planning to marry in May 2009 in the Bahamas, where they fell in love.  They'll honeymoon in Santorini, Greece paid for by Chris Harrison.  Well, OK - paid for by Chris Harrison's bosses.  It'd be awesome if they made Chris Harrison and a film crew follow them on their honeymoon.  "Jesse, let's talk about last night.  The crab didn't agree with you and you experienced some gut wrenching discomfort.  How are you feeling this morning?"

OK, bad idea.  But Jason as The Bachelor is an awesome idea.

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELORETTE - Judgment night!

Tonight is the night - the big season finale of The Bachelorette.  Three solid hours stuffed full of romance, heartbreak, and drama.

DeAnna takes the guys home to meet Dad - but at the same time?  Awkward.  And who is the mystery guy knocking on DeAnna's door?  My guess:  it's just a police officer telling her that the camera van is parked illegally.  Either that or it is Jeremy returning for one last chance at love.  He seems like the kind of guy who would have a hard time letting go.

But the big question tonight is:  who gets the Final Rose in the last rose ceremony of the season?  Will she pick Jesse the snowboarder and his new haircut?  Or will she choose single dad Jason?  I'm rooting for Jason myself - I think DeAnna would be happiest with Jason. 

Over the season I've become sort of protective of DeAnna, which might seem strange, and I think Jason would be the best choice.  However, I think Jesse's a cool guy so I won't be crushed or perplexed if she chooses him.  Let's face it, either Jesse or Jason would be better choices than most of the guys that came before them. 

So - who's she going to pick?  Find out tonight!  Play along at home by visiting The Bachelorette Live Blog, where I post in real time without a safety net.  Then, come on back here for a post-mortem of the show where we pick apart and second-guess DeAnna's decision, which is all part of the fun.

We'll see you later tonight!

--Dave Campbell

The Wit and Wisdom of Chris Harrison

Chris Harrison, the host of The Bachelorette and The Bachelor, has a job that requires him to act as a friendly yet reserved master of ceremonies to all the craziness at Bachelorette Manor.  Only I call it "Bachelorette Manor" by the way - everyone else just calls it "the house" which is accurate but lacks flair.

Anyway, on this week's Bachelorette Men Tell All  show, Chris got to show us his freestyle in a less tightly scripted interview show.  I thought he was hilarious; he's quick on his feet and has a biting sense of humor. 

It'd be great to see the Bachelor and Bachelorette work some wry Chris Harrison commentary into the show - I think that would add even more flair, if you will.

For your consideration, I've pulled together this week's Five Best Chris Harrison Lines:

• "Only guys would high five each other after being called a D-bag."

-Chris observes this after Jeremy and Twilley slap some skin after watching the "Everybody Hates Jeremy" video retrospective where Twilley describes Jeremy as a d**** bag.

• "Tell me what's endearing about Sean.  The mullet, obviously.  That goes without saying... Business in the front, party in the back... Is he a haircut away from winning your heart?"

-Chris interviewing DeAnna before a rose ceremony about karate master Sean's mullet hair style.

• "It's like a construction site out here."

-Chris commenting on the whistling and howling from libidinous audience members regarding Graham and his incredible hotness.

• "What night did you figure out what you were doing?"

-Chris asks this to Twilley, the eccentric suitor who admitted that he had no idea what he was doing on the first night.

• "Do you think he fought in the Cobra Kai dojo in Karate Kid?"

-Chris interviewing DeAnna about Sean, the be-mulleted karate master who runs his own martial arts studio.

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELORETTE - Shocker!

I could not have physically been more wrong about how The Bachelorette was going to turn out this week.  It would have been scientifically impossible.

This was a special two-part Bachelorette event, a prelude to next week’s fateful final rose ceremony.  We got to see DeAnna on dates with Jason, Jeremy and Jesse in the Bahamas.  Then, the highly anticipated Men Tell All episode, where all the rejected suitors come back and get snippy.  But most importantly, tonight was the night that DeAnna sent Jeremy home.

As you can read here, Jeremy was my pick for DeAnna all along.  I actually like Jason better for DeAnna, but I figured she would pick Jeremy all along. 

<BUZZER SOUND>  Wrong!

The first warning sign came during DeAnna and Jeremy’s date in the Bahamas.  He was a little withdrawn on the beach.  The guy was clearly anxious about telling DeAnna that he loved her, so during dinner he comes across as distant and awkward.  He finally busts out with his feelings, but I thought that by then things might have felt a little weird to DeAnna.   I started to wonder if Jeremy was such a sure thing after all.

Then DeAnna has these great dates with Jesse and Jason.  Both guys were very romantic and had a better vibe with DeAnna than Jeremy did.  Her date with Jason in particular seemed to go really well.  They seemed like a couple of honeymooners.

Incidentally, each Bahamas date consisted of three components:  1) frolicking 2) dinner 3) Fantasy Suite!  Each of the three guys received a card inviting them to stay with DeAnna in the Fantasy Suite, a private hotel room loaded with the world’s supply of candles.  All three guys jump at the chance, of course.  We’re all adults here; we all know what the Fantasy Suite is all about.  They’re not up there looking at her yearbook.

Then – the shocking rose ceremony.  DeAnna picks Jesse FIRST, and then after the world’s longest pause… she gives Jason a rose.  Jeremy is out.  He’s stunned, devastated.  A tearful DeAnna leads him to the limo and says goodbye.  OMG.  Not only did I not expect him to get sent home but I felt bad for Jeremy, who was sincerely heart-broken.

We don’t have to wait long to see Jeremy again, because he shows up during the Men Tell All episode along with Graham, Twilly, the dude who tore his shirt off on the first night, and everyone else.  That was a little tense.  DeAnna sparred with Graham, who seemed defensively flippant about getting sent home.  Video montages focused on themes like the Philosophy of Ron the Barber and Everyone Hates Jeremy.  Man, he was not popular among the guys, was he?

The big news on the Men Tell All show, which was filmed recently, is that DeAnna is engaged, presumably with the person that she picks next week during that final rose ceremony.

So who will it be?  Jesse, the laid back snowboarder from Colorado?  Or Jason, the sensitive single dad from Seattle?  Personally I’m thinking she’s going to pick Jason, but clearly I can be wildly off-base about such things.

Jason or Jesse?  Who ya got?

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELORETTE - A brutal elimination

Wow.  That was hardcore.

As the field of competitors for DeAnna's affections shrinks, the eliminations become more painful for all involved - viewers included.  DeAnna has become emotionally attached to each of the four remaining guys, but was perhaps most attached to the guy she sent home tonight.

Let's back up.  This week DeAnna visited the four guys in their hometowns to see how they lived and to meet their families.  She snowboarded with Jesse in Breckenridge, met Jason's cute son in Seattle, zipped around Dallas on a motorcycle with Jeremy, and shot some hoops with Graham in Raleigh.  She won over the families of each guy with her Southern charm - no problems there.

But at the end of her hometown date with Graham, the guy she most enjoyed seeing shirtless, things went a little sour.  After the parent thing, they set down on a bench for some one-on-one time and VOOOSH!  You could see the emotional walls go up around him.  He withdrew, got quiet, and even seemed a little sullen.  By the time he walked her to the car, the magic was gone.  Their date ended on an awkward, uncertain note.

The rose ceremony came, and one of the four guys had to go home.  I think Graham could read the writing on the wall and knew he was going home.  He even composed a note explaining the feelings he had for that he couldn't vocalize.  Sure enough, DeAnna gave a rose to Jason, Jesse, and Jeremy... but not Graham.

She walked him outside and explained that of all the guys, he was the one that she felt most drawn to, that she was falling in love with.  But he couldn't open up, he couldn't share his feelings with her.  Graham took that lonely limo ride to the airport while DeAnna read his note through tears. 

Judging from the reactions of the viewers over on The Bachelorette Live Blog, a lot of people think that DeAnna made a HUGE mistake letting Graham go.  More than a few think that Graham would make an excellent Bachelor.  But I have DeAnna's back on this one - I think that she knew that you can't enter into a serious relationship with the hope or expectation that you will be able to change their personality.  That's a recipe for heartbreak and divorce.

What do you think?  Am I totally off base?  Did DeAnna make a massive mistake or did she make a wise choice?  You make the call.

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELORETTE - Final Four

We're heading into the semi-finals, so to speak, of this season's The Bachelorette.  This week DeAnna decided which four of the remaining six suitors would advance to the next stage, the highly anticipated hometown date.  This meant of course that two guys were heading home with broken hearts:  Sean (the martial artist from Kentucky) and Twilley (the wild man). 

The remaining four suitors are Jason, Jeremy, Graham, and Jesse.  They're all strong candidates, but DeAnna can pick only one.  But who?  She's clearly already made up her mind in real life, but if she needed help choosing I like to think that this handy guide to the final four guys would prove helpful.  Let's break it on down:

Jason - The single dad from Seattle.  Jason is like a fit, handsome version of Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle, only his kid probably isn't as annoying as the kid in that movie.  Jason and DeAnna have shared a real emotional connection - she opened up to him about her mother's death and Jason comforted her when she was upset after sending Robert and Fred home.  They've kissed before, but DeAnna doesn't exactly swoon about the sexual chemistry between them.  Next week she'll travel to the Northwest to meet his son and parents, but I have a hard time imagining that DeAnna will see herself as fitting into Jason's life.  Unless she's 110% sprung on Jason, I don't think she'd risk hooking up with him when a kid's happiness is at stake - she doesn't want to leave Jason and his son heartbroken in the end.  I'm a big fan of Jason's, but I think she's going to pick somebody that doesn't require such a lifestyle change on her part.

Graham - The dreamy basketball player.  OK, clearly DeAnna is most attracted to Graham - she rarely fails to mention how hot she thinks he is, and has kept him around despite his stubborness and lack of emotional fluency.  Graham has had the most passionate and stormy relationship with DeAnna, and the chemistry is clearly there, but I don't think she'll pick him either.  She's been burned before by a Southern charmer who didn't know what he wanted, so she's right to be wary about him.  I think she's been keeping him around because she is drawn by his ultimate hotness, but will realize that Graham isn't husband material and end up cutting him loose next episode.  You know how in the teaser for next week's show we see her crying and talking to an unseen suitor?  I'll bet that's Graham.  She's going to send him home, but feel really bad about it and wonder if she's made the right call.

Jesse - The snowboarder.  The dark horse candidate of the season, Jesse came from behind and impressed DeAnna with his open, adventurous personality and his sincerity.  He's unlike any guy she's ever dated and she is drawn to him, but I don't think he'll make the final cut either.  She's only really begun to feel attracted to Jesse this week after he displayed some mad ATV skills, and he didn't go in for the kiss during their poolside chat.  I think he's too different and it's too late in the game for her to just start exploring her feelings for him.  The guy had a chance this week to kiss her - she was even sort of leaning forward with a "kiss me" look on her face - but Jesse didn't read the signals or was too shy about kissing her in front of the other guys.   I think DeAnna finds him fascinating and unique, but that's as far as it's going to go.  Sadly, I think Jesse is heading for a big wipe out. 

Jeremy - The real estate lawyer.  This is the guy she's going to pick.  DeAnna has described Jeremy as "the perfect guy" and has spent more time with him than any other guy on the show.  She feels at ease with him and they seem to be similar personalities.  Plus, she's a real estate agent and he's a real estate lawyer, so they have common professional interests.  Relocating to Dallas wouldn't be such a huge step for her either.  Jeremy is smart, competitive, gracious, open, and pays attention to her.  He's caught some flak from the guys for always monopolizing DeAnna, but that just proves that Jeremy's priorities are in order.  It's not a popularity contest and the only person who's opinion ultimately matters is DeAnna, so Jeremy is happy to play the part of the outside if it means he gets the girl in the end.  Which he will.

So that's my prediction:  she'll pick Jeremy.  Don't get me wrong, I would like to see her pick Jason, but I don't think that's happening.  In the end, it will come down to a face-off between Jason and Jeremy, but the outcome (at least in my mind) is clear.  What do you think?  Am I totally off-base here, or do you agree?  I'd love to be wrong about this...

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELORETTE - Three down

 

This week's The Bachelorette was absolutely brutal.  No less than three guys got sent home by DeAnna this week - one during the Rose Ceremony and both guys that went on the two-on-one date. 

As the competition between the shrinking group of suitors becomes more serious, so does DeAnna.  She's learned from bitter experience the cost of leading somebody along in a situation like this, so she hasn't been shy about telling guys straight up that they weren't a good match for her.  She feels it's better to get the pain and heartbreak out of the way rather than stringing somebody along, and I can see her point.

This week the chef with the glowing complexion Robert and Fred the Man from Chicago went on a two-on-one date with DeAnna in a hilltop mansion somewhere in Hollywood.  As the harsh rules of the dreaded two-on-one date go, there is only one Immunity Rose, so one of the guys is summarily kicked off the show during that date.  Both guys were very nervous about the whole thing, but Robert wildly misread the situation and felt like he and DeAnna shared some potent erotic connection.  He went in for a kiss at the wrong time and got DeAnna's cheek instead of her lips.  Bad sign.

Sure enough, DeAnna let Robert go and walked the stunned guy to the limo.  Fred breathed a sigh of relief.  He was safe, right?  Wrong!  DeAnna returned to him and then announced that sorry, he was going home, too.  Fred's a great guy, but the chemistry just wasn't there for her and she didn't think it was fair to keep him around for another week thinking that he had a shot at winning her heart.

There was more drama in store this week.  DeAnna and Graham clashed again when he revealed he was jealous that she was spending time with all these other guys.  You can tell that DeAnna's really attracted to Graham, but the guy needs to meet her half way and show her that he's there for her.

In addition to getting P.O.'d at Graham, DeAnna tearfully laid into the guys at a barbeque party for not being 100% committed to the whole process.  I wasn't quite sure where she was coming from since it's difficult to capture all the nuances and subtleties of intepersonal communication with a camera, but I gather that she was upset that the barbeque was more of just the guys hanging out rather than a DeAnna-centric event.  That was just my take on it.

Since DeAnna had eliminated two guys earlier in the week, only one suitor was going home during the Rose Ceremony.  It turns out that Twilley, the oddball of the group, was once again defying the odds and common sense and is staying around a little longer.  Does anybody really think the guy has a chance?  Instead, studly Brian from Texas was sent back home to the Lone Star state.  Now we'll never know the secret of his hair.  Was it prematurely grey?  Frosted?  The mysteries of Brian's hair will remain unknown to us.

Who's sticking around?  Jason the sensitive single dad, Jeremy the square jawed lawyer, Graham the unshaven stud, Sean the martial artist, Twilley, and snowboarder with heart of gold Jesse.  Next week:  more heartbreak, more making out, more bare male torsos. 

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELORETTE - Heart break two-step

A whole lot happened on this week's episode of The Bachelorette - it's a good thing it was two hours long.  As usual I frantically typed away on my laptop, trying to keep up with developments over at The Bachelorette Live Blog, but here's a recap of what went down in DeAnna's world this week:

Mullet no more - Martial artist Sean finally got with the program and got a haircut this week, which DeAnna seemed to like.  Now we have to get that guy into a dark, tailored suit instead of the hideous suits he's been wearing and his transformation will be complete.

Line dancing and bull riding - DeAnna took the guys on a Western date, where they learned (or tried to learn) how to two-step.  Everyone took a turn on the mechanical bull, which snowboarder Jesse excelled at.  DeAnna was thrown from the bull and feigned injury - all the guys came rushing over to help except Ron, who stood there with his beer.  Not chivalrous.

Special guest star - The lads got the third degree from special guest star Ellen DeGeneres, who got to hand out an Immunity Rose (to Fred) and give DeAnna some advice.

Jeremy vs Ron, round two - Ron continued his rivalry with Jeremy, who he thinks is a big phony.  Unfortunately, DeAnna doesn't feel the same way about Jeremy, and seemed really put off by Ron's attitude.  Ron seemed more interested in scoring points with the guys and putting Jeremy in his place than in scoring with DeAnna.

Magic carriage ride... to the airport - Science teacher Richard tried to impress DeAnna on his solo date with her, but she wasn't feeling it.  They go on a magical glowing carriage ride, and DeAnna makes the driver pull over so she can dump him.  Hey, at least she's honest.  DeAnna rides off in the carriage back to Bachelorette Manor.  Richard rides off in a cab to the airport.

Jason's secret - On a romantic date at an observatory, Jason finally tells DeAnna that he's got a three year old son.  She opens up about the death of her mother.  They bond.  Later, DeAnna has a star named after Jason's son, which was hella sweet of her.

The final reckoning - Before the Rose Ceremony, DeAnna gives Ron one last chance as they talk outside.  She says that she's cold, but Ron doesn't take off his jacket and put it on her like every other guy does that night.  Not chivalrous.  Arch-rival Jeremy swoops in and steals her away, and she whispers "Thank you." 

The Rose Ceremony - Ron and Paul do not receive roses this week, just air fare back to their home towns.  I am once again surprised that Twilley lasted another week, but everyone knew that Ron's days were numbered. 

Next week - DeAnna freaks out on the guys and cries and stuff.  That's all the incentive I need to tune in right there.

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELORETTE - Baseball and Magic Tricks!

Week Two of The Bachelorette gave us two group dates, one solo beach blanket date, magic tricks, a potential stalker, Tommy Lasorda, jealousy, and more desperate attempts to win DeAnna's attention.  In other words, it had everything you could want in a Bachelorette episode.

I do a play-by-play commentary on the action over at The Bachelorette Live Blog, but I thought I'd post a little something over here as well because why not?

Fifteen male suitors moved into the Bachelorette Compound this week, but only the three guys who got First Impression Roses - Jeremy, Jesse, and Richard - got to move into Bachelorette Manor.  The rest of the guys had to rough it and sleep in bunk beds down in the guest house, and were none too happy about it. 

DeAnna took one group of guys out on a group date to the Magic Castle, where single dad Jason made a good impression I think.  He still hasn't told DeAnna that he has a little kid, and if the guy waits too long she's going to wonder why he wasn't honest with her and then he's hosed.  Weirdly, the Canadian goofball Paul got the Immunity Rose. 

The other group of guys accompanied DeAnna to an empty Dodger Stadium where they met legendary manager Tommy Lasorda.  The guys competed in a home run derby while Tommy swore at them, which was funny.  Jeremy got some alone time with DeAnna and scored yet another rose, making him the clear front-runner.

Or is he?  The unshaven basketball player Graham landed the first solo date with DeAnna - a beach campfire.  She had some doubts about his commitment to her specifically, but he put her fears to rest and got an Immunity Rose - and the first full-on kiss of the contest.

Twilley, the eccentric guy, was worried that he made an ass of himself at the Magic Castle and wanted to let DeAnna know that he was, I dunno, deep or something.  He waits for her in front of the Manor while she returns from her date and smooches Graham, which the producers of the show edited to make it seem really creepy.  Which it was.  Regardless, Twilley did NOT get kicked off the show this week, so we'll see if he really is deranged or this was just an off week for him.

Who did get kicked off?  Well, DeAnna had to let not one but three suitors go this week, so she showed the door to Eric the Greek Guy, Ryan the 28 Year Old Virgin, and Chris the Greg Brady look alike.  Now only twelve suitors remain:  Twilley, Jeremy, Ron, Sean, Richard, Jason, Brian, Fred, Paul, Robert, Jesse, and Graham.  What do you think?  Who ya got?

Stop by The Bachelorette Live Blog next Monday at 9 EST and we'll find out together who makes the cut and who gets the boot!

--Dave Campbell