ABC.com: Live From L.A.

THE BACHELOR - OMG

The Bachelor came to an explosive conclusion this week as British hearthrob Matt Grant dropped a love bomb on one of the remaining two bachelorettes and... well, just dropped the other one. 

This week it came down to a choice between two women, Shayne or Chelsea.  Since I've been wildly off mark about which women are going to get eliminated this season, I thought that Matt might pick Chelsea.  Clearly not, and in retrospect it all sort of adds up.  Chelsea and Matt just didn't share the same kind of ease and intimacy that Shayne and Matt have.  I mean, he calls Shayne "monkey."  If one girl has a pet name and the other doesn't, that's a pretty good indicator as to who's going home.

But I didn't read the warning signs and thought he might go  for Chelsea, even after their awkward snorkeling date in Barbados where it was clear that the two of them didn't share a lot of chemistry.  I think this season I ended up projecting my own preferences and biases on to Matt and wanted him to pick women that I might like but that clearly aren't compatible with him.

Shayne, on the other hand, is clearly compatible.  The proposal scene was sweet, particularly when he said, "Monkey, will you marry me?"  Come on, that was cute.

I wish Matt and Shayne well, and am curious to see how their relationship sorts out considering the track record of previous Bachelor couples.

Next week:  On to The Bachelorette!  May my predictive powers serve me better there.

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELOR - On the hot seat

Well, that wasn’t nearly as brutal as I had expected.

The penultimate episode of this season’s The Bachelor was a special “The Ladies Tell All” retrospective, where host Chris gathered all of the rejected bachelorettes for a kiss-and-tell session.  The ladies got to dish the dirt on bachelor Matt Grant as well as each other.  Mostly each other, in fact.

The most entertaining bits were when Chris was focusing on the antics or tantrums of a specific candidate and they would play clips from the shows, complete with frank interviews with the ladies about what a witch so-and-so was.  I just  liked the idea that the women were all up there watching video clips of them talking trash… about the women that were sitting right next to them. Marshana and Robin came under the heaviest fire for their dramatics and tactics.  Clearly there is still not a lot of love for them among the other ladies, although Robin seemed almost gracious and conciliatory.  Almost.

Chris interviewed Amanda, everyone’s favorite shunned contestant (well, my favorite anyway).  They had a Montage of Meeps, Amanda’s nervous hiccup noises, and of course, footage of her getting booted off the show.  She said that for a moment she thought Matt was playing a practical joke on her to get her back for her own elaborate fake-parent prank, but sadly, he wasn’t joking.  I still think she would have made a better choice than Shayne or Chelsea, but that’s not my call to make, is it?

Matt Grant himself appeared at the end of the show, sporting some facial hair and a David Beckham buzz cut.  I fully expected a dog pile session on Matt – due to the cleverly edited promos – but things were downright civil.  The only moment when Matt seemed to squirm a little was when he had to explain his decision to Amanda, which he did fairly well.  He also got to use his trademark “If I’m being honest” phrase – twice! 

But who did he end up with – Shayne or Chelsea?  They carefully avoided saying who Matt had chosen.  The only clue came at one point when he was describing how he had more intense, loving feelings for Chelsea and Shayne.  He said Chelsea’s name first and seemed to stumble a little on Shayne’s name. 

BUT!  Here’s my theory on that.  Matt ended up choosing Shayne, not Chelsea, but backstage he was coached by the producers to say Chelsea’s name first whenever he referred to the two girls, just to throw us off.  If he said Shayne’s name first, everyone – myself included – would have screamed, “Ah-HA!  He picked Shayne!”  So they were using a little misdirection there.

Am I wrong?  Probably.  I usually am about these things.  I guess we’ll all find out next week when Matt drops to one knee and proposes… but to whom?

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELOR - The Limo Ride of Shame

If I may borrow a phrase from Matt Grant, this week’s episode of The Bachelor left me “gutted.”  Yes, gutted, and questioning my ability to predict what’s going to happen on reality TV shows. 

I’ve been rooting for Noelle all season, even though I knew she was a long shot.  She made it to the semi-finals, but ultimately Noelle was sent home last week, leaving Shayne (pictured left), Chelsea (pictured below), and Amanda to remain in the game. 

OK, I thought, surely he’ll pick Amanda.  She’s bright, she’s funny, she’s hot, and she pulled that great practical joke on Matt the other week.  I bet she could even hold her own and chat about current events and global commodities pricing with Matt.  She was perfect for him. 

Right?

<BUZZER SOUND>  WRONG!

Amanda took the Limo Ride of Shame this week as Matt chose Shayne and Chelsea over her.  He only had two immunity roses to hand out, and yes, he says it was a very difficult choice, but at the end of the show, Shayne and Chelsea stayed and a shocked and upset Amanda ended up crying in that limo.

Guys are strange creatures, so it’s tough (even for a guy) to predict how they’ll react when it comes to affairs of the heart.  Matt does seem to have the strongest connection with Shayne, the 22 year old actress and daughter of Lorenzo Lamas.  She seems to be smarter than she lets on, but I can’t figure out why she acts dumb in the first place or why that’s attractive.  For instance, this week she asked Matt if they had palm trees in London, but then admitted later that she knew that, duh, there was a distinct lack of tropical vegetation there.  I don’t get it.  Why pretend to be less intelligent than you really are, particularly when you’re trying to win the affections of a smart, well-read guy who keeps up on politics and current events?  It doesn’t matter if I understand it or not, because it’s clearly working.

Chelsea and Matt seem to have very little chemistry, yet he chose her over Amanda.  Chelsea’s tomboy vibe and her intimacy issues made for an excruciatingly awkward date with Matt on the yacht, but she did redeem herself during one-on-one time in the private suite, where she revealed a more romantic and sexy side to him.  Still, it seems like they have a long way to go before they develop the kind of personal connection that Matt wants/needs.

Amanda was definitely my favorite (after Noelle) but I will grudgingly admit that she and Matt might not have shared that crucial romantic spark.  It seemed like she had a hard time down-shifting into a more intimate and romantic gear during dinner with Matt.  Plus, I never noticed how much Amanda uses the word “like” as a verbal placeholder.  Maybe she was nervous, but she sounded like a Valley Girl.  Omigod, like, gag me with a spoon!

I think with The Bachelor, viewers project their own preferences and romantic inclinations on to the show and we want Matt to pick the girl that we like the most.  Still, I’m just baffled by the whole thing.  Clearly he's going to pick Shayne, right?  And propose to her, no less!  I just can't see him asking Chelsea to marry him.

-- Dave Campbell

THE BACHELOR - vs Lorenzo Lamas

It's the episode everyone waits for, except perhaps The Bachelor:  it's the hometown show, where The Bachelor meets the family of the remaining women.  This week Matt faced the usual grilling from over-protective fathers and goes head-to-head with TV actor Lorenzo Lamas, star of the syndicated show Renegade (among others). 

Actually, I have to be honest.  There wasn't a lot of grilling and conflict on this episode, because Matt is so darn charming and knows the right things to say.  Plus the guy's an investment banker, which is code for "responsible adult" in most parents' eyes.  So Matt never really did butt heads with any of the family - even Lorenzo Lamas.

The best meet & greet by far was when Matt was introduced to Amanda's "family" in Florida.  In a bit of a risky move, Amanda decided to play an elaborate prank on Matt and hired actors to portray her parents.  Amanda's fake father was not fond of Matt right off the bat, and her fake mom was hilariously wanton - she was all touchy-feely with Matt during some one-on-one couch time, prompting Matt to warn her in a sing-song voice, "You're touching my nipples..." 

Amanda eventually did reveal her real family, who were boring by comparison, and the prank seemed to go over very well with Matt, who didn't mind being the butt of the joke.  A risky move, yes, but I think it will pay off for Amanda in the end.  Matt seems much more at ease with practical jokes than he does with say, women singing to him.

Of the four remaining suitors - Amanda, Chelsea, Shayne, and Noelle - only three would remain.  Sadly, my favorite Noelle was eliminated from the show.  Bummer!  During the Limo Ride of Shame, Noelle blamed herself for not opening up to Matt earlier.  It's not your fault, Noelle.  Matt's looking for somebody who is a little more outgoing and brassy.

So who is Matt going to pick?  Not only pick, but declare his undying love to and ask for her hand in marriage?   I checked with my bookie in Atlantic City and the odds-on favorite is Amanda.  A little practical joke goes a long way...

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELOR - The Final Four

This week's The Bachelor was just flat-out awesome.  Matt made out with everyone but the camera crew, the contestants shrieked at each other like banshees, and the "villain" of the show got her comeuppance.  What follows is a SPOILERY discussion - and how high this episode scored in our fun little Bachelor game.

Let's just cut to the chase:  Marshana and Robin were booted from the competition.  Marshana had a full-on blow-out conflict with the other girls and was likely a little too diva for Matt's tastes.  Robin was just Robin, so she was eliminated.  Surely Matt was aware of all the bad blood between Robin and the girls, right?  She left the show with an aloof "Bon soir" to Matt, and then tearfully said, "*&#! him!" during the post-rose ceremony elimination.  That just leaves Amanda, Chelsea, Shayne, and Noelle remaining out of the original twenty suitors. 

Speaking of my favorite girl, Noelle finally got some one-on-one time with Matt.  They went ice skating and we learned that she survived a bad car accident, but has a plucky and grateful outlook on life.  How can you not like Noelle?  She and Matt made out by the fire, which is a good sign.

Yes, but how did this episode score in The Bachelor Tally Game?  That's the important question.

• Matt declared something "brilliant" two times.  (2 pts)
• He used the phrase "the coolest" once, when he said "How cool is this weather?" (1 pt) 
• Matt said "amazing" three times, but only once in reference to one of the contestants.  I'll give full points anyway.  (3  pts)
• There was exactly one fight, between Marshana and every female in her line of sight.  Nothing was broken, so no extra point.  (1 pt)
• Robin interrupted Matt and another girl once, on the ski slopes.  (1 pt)
• On three different occasions, the girls complained about Robin.  ( 3 pts)
• I'm going to have to give a "wimp out" point for Marshana's reluctance to get snow on her outfit.  (1 pt)
• I'll be honest with you, I lost track of the cheek kissing.  I think there were nine different cheek smooches during this episode.  (9 pts)
• According to my count, Matt "made out" with one of the girls nine times.  Clearly there were some repeats, here, like Shayne.  I wasn't specific about what constitutes "making out," so let's just say it's romantic kissing.  He and Noelle made out in front of a fire, so that's an extra point.  (10 pts)
• Host Chris refered to the suitors as "ladies" three times. (3 pts)  Chris shook Matt's hand once, (1 pt) and said "When you're ready" to Matt not once, but twice! (2 pts)
• Matt said that he had a difficult decision to make twice.  (2 pts)
• An eliminated contestant (Robin) got angry with Matt (1 pt) for the previously mentioned "%*#! him!" comment.

That's a respectable 40 points by my count - scientific proof that this was an awesome episode of The Bachelor!

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELOR - Let's play the Bachelor Tally Game

Shall we play a game?

Let’s play a little game I call the Bachelor Tally Game.  Here’s how it works:  copy and print out this post for easy reference during Monday night’s episode of The Bachelor so you can keep score.  Any time you notice one of the commonly occurring behaviors or scenarios listed below, you get points.  Add them all up at the end of the show for your total, and then we can compare scores.

(This might look suspiciously like a drinking game, but I assure you it is not.  We here at Live from L.A. do not advocate drinking while watching TV.  That’s just dangerous.)

Let’s begin!

Brilliant = 1 point  Matt declares something or someone is "brilliant."

The coolest = 1 point  Matt describes something as “the coolest,” asks “Is this the coolest or what?” or any variation thereof.

Amazing = 1 point  Matt tells any of the women that they are "amazing."

Figure of speech = 2 points  Matt uses a common figure of speech or colloquialism that one of the girls doesn’t understand.  +1 extra point if Matt explains what the figure of speech means.  +1 extra point if Matt says it must be a British term, even if it is clearly not.  Example:  “You’re taking this all in stride.”

Honestly = 1 point  Matt uses the word "honest" in any shape or form.  Example: “If I’m being honest…”

Cat fight = 1 point  For each time one or more of the girls gets in an argument.  +1 extra point if something gets broken.

Confessional crying = 1 point  One of the women (or Matt for that matter) cries during a confessional interview.

Robin interruption = 2 points  Robin interrupts another girl’s one-on-one time or otherwise monopolizes Matt.

Complaining about Robin = 1 point  One or more of the girls complains about Robin to each other or during a confessional.

Drinky drinky = 1 point  One of the girls acts obviously intoxicated, i.e., stumbles, passes out, give Matt her underwear…

Flashing = 2 points  One of the girls flashes a piece of anatomy normally covered by clothing at Matt.

Singing = 2 points  One of the girls sings.  +1 point if it is a song written just for Matt.

Talent show = 1 point  One of the girls demonstrates a skill or talent for Matt (aside from singing).

Wimp out = 1 point  One or more of the girls sits out an activity or doesn’t want to participate due to general lameness.

Cheek kiss = 1 point  Matt gives or receives a cheek kiss.

Make out = 1 point  Matt and one of the girls make out.  +1 extra point if they’re in a vehicle, hot tub, or in front of a fire.

Ladies = 1 point  Host Chris refers to the women as “ladies.”

When you’re ready = 1 point  Chris tells Matt, “When you’re ready.”

Handshake = 1 point  Chris and Matt shake hands.

Difficult decision = 1 point  Matt explains to one or more women that he has a difficult decision to make.

Crib notes = 1 point  Matt appears to be reading from a "cheat sheet" written on the palm of his hand during the rose ceremony.

Sour grapes = 1 point  A girl who didn’t receive a rose gets angry with or contemptuous of Matt.

There you have it – The Bachelor Tally Game.  Let’s meet after next week’s episode and compare points.

--Dave Campbell

 

THE BACHELOR - Drink up!

Once again, my pet theory about the fate of suitors who sing to The Bachelor was validated by this week's episode.  You know Ashlee, the 22 year old singer/songwriter who enjoys serenading Matt during one-on-one time?  She got cut from the competition this week.  I'm telling you, singing to Matt is the Kiss of Death, no matter how much he says he likes it.

Granted, that might not have been the only reason Ashlee didn't make the cut.  During a private chat, Matt asked her some probing questions about whether she'd relocate to the UK with him.  Ashlee's answer probably didn't inspire a lot of confidence - she said that they could make something work regardless of whether she travelled with him or if he travelled with her.  That probably set off alarm bells in the London investment banker's mind.  "Hold on, she wants me to follow her around on singing gigs?"  I have the feeling that Matt is looking for a girl who will adapt to his world, not the other way around.  It was no surprise when Ashlee didn't get a rose at the end of the night.

I was surprised that Holly didn't get a rose, however.  She and Marshana went on a double-doom-date with Matt - only one of them would be coming back with a rose while the other one got to take the Limo Ride of Shame.  Everyone (including Marshana) expected Matt to give Holly the rose since they seemed to have hit it off during their first date, but Matt wasn't feeling it.  He was attracted to Holly, but felt that their conversations were sometimes difficult, so she got the boot.

The third girl eliminated from the show was Kelly, who violated another time-honored Bachelor rule - don't get stinking drunk and make a fool of yourself.  "I feel like a stuffy Brit around you," was all Matt could manage after a clearly inebriated Kelly flashed her bra at him during a private conversation.  A lot of guys would have no problem at all with that, but Matt clearly wasn't impressed - after all, he is looking for a soulmate, not a one-night stand.  "Why do that?" Matt said in a confessional.  Everyone watching the show was asking the same thing, Matt.

The exit interviews for the girls who don't make it are always very telling, because they finally let their guard down and act naturally.  Kelly, who was still a little wobbly, had a hilarious and illuminating quote:  "Do I think he made a mistake?  Obviously, I mean - hello?  I'd be in to me.  Any dude would want to date me.  Maybe he couldn't handle me."  Or maybe you couldn't handle that sixth glass of wine...

Okay, so singing to The Bachelor and flashing Thelma & Louise at him are not good ways to capture his heart.  What is the best strategy?  At this point, strategy is sort of out the window for the surviving suitors - from here on it's just going to come down to who is most compatible with him, and any stunts or attempts to get his attention are going to be irrelevant.

My favorite contestant Noelle is still on the show, so I'm happy.  She even got some long-delayed face time with Matt this week.  I'm hoping that she'll make it to the end.  She should do fine as long as she keeps "the girls" in her blouse and avoids singing to Matt.

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELOR - Love, American Style

Phew!  Noelle made it another week.  Three other women who were vying for Matt's heart and attention were sent packing, but my favorite remains, despite not getting any alone time with Matt.   (That's her smiling on the right in the picture above, BTW)

The lack of face time was upsetting to Noelle as well - she broke down crying and confessed to Robin that she felt like it was just a matter of time before she got kicked off.  That was a mistake - Robin was the last person she should be confiding in.  Robin advised Noelle that if she was that upset, she should refuse the "amnesty rose" if Matt offered it to her.  Whaa--?  Aside from being transparently bad advice, that's just mean.

Robin has earned the hatred of all the other girls with her ruthless tactics.  Despite having already received a rose from Matt that meant she was safe from elimination, Robin stole Matt away from another girl at the cocktail party.  It was bad form, and all it did was make everyone hate her.  From Robin's perspective, she's playing the game and all's fair in love and war, but I think her strategy is going to ultimately backfire on her, and big-time.

Weirdly, Matt seems to be attracted to Robin (pictured at right).  He also has a thing for Shayne, the blonde actress who seems to wander around in a slurring fog all the time.  I don't know what the guy is thinking, I really don't.

It seems like the front runners so far are Holly, the cute children's book author (also pictured above, left); Amanda, the girl with the nervous "meep" hiccups; and yes, Robin.  I'm still hoping that Noelle gets some one-on-one time with Matt so he can see how awesome she is and how cute her dimples are.  She seems like one of the most sincere and down-to-earth women remaining - which is why I'm on Team Noelle.

It's too bad you can't vote for your favorite contestant like you can on Dancing with the Stars.  Having viewers vote would be a lousy way for The Bachelor to pick a potential mate, but it would make for some good TV...

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELOR - Sing and go home

The big take-away from this week’s The Bachelor:  if you want to stay in the game, don’t sing to Matt.

Two of the three girls that were sent packin’ at this week’s rose ceremony serenaded our British bachelor during one-on-one time. 

Big mistake. 

Michelle P stared deep into Matt’s eyes and sang a song that she had written just for him while the other girls snickered in the background.  We just got a couple of reaction shots of Matt with a frozen smile on his face so it was hard to tell what Matt’s reaction was, but he was probably thinking something like, “Bloody hell!  When will this stop?  I’m going to have to fake an aneurysm or something.”

Despite the scorn they felt, some of the other girls got it in their heads that they should sing to Matt, too.  During her one-on-one time with Matt, Carri bust out with an opera version of Gershwin’s “Summertime.”  Carri has a lovely voice, but it’s hard not to look a little goofy when you’re doing the Opera Face.  Again, Matt’s reaction seemed polite but I’m guessing that he was a little uncomfortable.

Why?  I’m going to generalize here, so forgive me.  Guys don’t like being sung to – we don’t find it romantic, it’s just awkward and weird.  I imagine this applies to British guys as well.  I may be wrong, but both Carri and Michelle P left the show this week, so I think not.  Matt was probably thinking that both Carri and Michelle were nice, but if they’re willing to break into song once, they could do it again.  They’re song time bombs – you never know if they’ll sing to you in a restaurant or on a crowded bus or in a taxi.  When will that inevitable next song explode?

The big surprise for me was that Matt gave Shayne a rose after the blond actress’ double meltdown.  I don’t know, maybe he just wants a cute California girl in his coterie and he’s willing to put up with the drama.  He said himself, “the drama side is just such a big turn off for me.”  And was it just me or did she seem a little drunk during both her conversations with Matt?  If she wasn’t drunk and she’s like that normally – yikes!  I can’t figure out his motivation, unless it’s entirely sexual, in which case, never mind – I can figure that out.

My favorite contestant Noelle didn’t get a lot of screen time this episode, which doesn’t bode well for her long term chances.  Maybe she’s just more socially conservative than the other girls and isn’t willing to belt out some show tunes or do the Butt Dance.  I wonder if being outrageous and socially competitive is a good strategy for hooking up with The Bachelor, or just a good strategy for getting on camera a lot.  I hope Noelle gets a chance.

Alas, Carri, Erin H, and Michelle P have had their chance and been sent home.  Michelle’s exit interview was really sad – she talked at length about going home and being with her cat while she cried.  I felt kind of bad for her and hope she finds some guy that likes cats and women who sing to him.  Such a guy may be rare, but surely he’s out there somewhere.

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELOR - How not to win in one easy step

If you are a contestant on The Bachelor, do not get drunk on the first night.  It’s just a bad, bad idea.

A little bit tipsy is OK.  You’re nervous and you want to relax with this guy you’re trying to impress - go ahead and have a few.  Even the new Bachelor Matt Grant had a couple of gin and tonics and a beer during the meet and greet at stately Bachelor Manor. But the first night of the show is not the time to raid the open bar and start pounding Cuervo. You’ll end up with nothing but a headache and regrets on the limo ride back to the hotel. 

And then you’ll probably barf. 

This season’s Bachelor, Matt Grant, is an investment banker from London who is charming, handsome, and tall. Really tall – the dude’s 6’5”. Matt has come across the pond to steal all our women, and judging by the reaction he elicited from the 25 initial contestants, he could pretty much have his pick of the entire female population of the continent. The accent helps quite a bit. I’m convinced that if you have a southern British accent you can say the dumbest things and still come across as sophisticated and witty. Fortunately for Matt, he actually is sophisticated and witty, so that just seals the deal.

Tonight was the first brutal culling of the herd of contestants – 25 women walk into Bachelor Manor (yes, I know it’s not actually called that, but let’s pretend) and before dawn, 10 of them walk back out and go home. It’s a tough business, but again, your odds of survival improve dramatically if you don’t get staggering drunk. 

Case in point: Stacy, a blonde gal who swore like a sailor and drank like a longshoreman. She got off on the wrong foot with the other girls by talking smack about how she was going to steal Matt from all of them. Her confidence seemed premature and alcohol-fueled, and didn’t exactly make her popular with the rest of the contestants. Stacy adopted a questionable predator/stalker approach in her bid for Matt’s attention. She was caressing his thigh when he was talking to Erin H and interrupted them, declaring their conversation “boring.”

 Stacy’s high stakes strategy led her to a risky gambit that would either pay off big or fail totally: when Matt was engrossed in conversation with another girl, Stacy slid up behind him and tried to stuff her panties into his pocket. The only problem was, Matt’s slacks had no pockets, so she just had to sort of cram her panties into his waistband and stagger off. The gambit failed. Matt was repelled instead of aroused and declared the whole thing “not cool.” By that time Stacy had passed out on a mattress somewhere in Bachelor Manor.

  As you can imagine, Stacy and nine other girls didn’t get a rose during this season’s first rose ceremony, which means she was taking the Limo Ride of Shame. Did anybody else notice that several of the assembled contestants seemed drunk during the rose ceremony? They kept showing one girl who was swaying in a non-existent breeze, looking progressively madder and madder as she watched other girls getting their roses. She didn’t make the cut. 

But fifteen girls did make the cut, including Noelle, my early favorite (pictured). Incidentally, Erin H, the girl that Stacy was trying to sabotage? She got a rose and is staying in the competition. Ha! 

From the previews of the upcoming shows it sounds like Matt falls for one of the fifteen women big time. But who will it be?  If this was like Dancing with the Stars I would call in a vote for Noelle, or maybe Chelsea the arm wrestler.  Come to think of it, I kinda liked Michelle P, the gal that played the clarinet. 

Who ya got? Who’s your odds-on favorite to win Matt Grant’s affections?
 

--Dave Campbell