WIFE SWAP - Chaos and control

This week we got another mind-bending, reality warping episode of Wife Swap.

I’m always a little hesitant about being overly critical or mean about the participants on Wife Swap because they are real people with real feelings.  Plus, reality shows can be a little deceiving and don’t always offer the full picture, but rather offer a storyline edited out of the available footage. 

But on the other hand, if you sign up for a show where cameras invade your home and the inner workings of your CRAZY HOUSEHOLD are broadcast to millions of people, you’ve pretty much invited people to judge you.

This week pitted the values of the precise, clockwork Tassie family from Ohio against the slovenly, disorganized Tyson family from Missouri.  In the Tassie home, parents Terri and Tom rule “Team Tassie” with an iron fist and a stopwatch.  Their three kids are expected to do chores before and after school, as well as helping out at dad’s car dealership.  Crackerjack timing and attention to detail are key – if the kids have wrinkled sheets, Terri makes them steam out the creases.  Wrinkles are the enemy and must be crushed in the Tassie home.  They apply a strict work ethic to everything they do, and their home seems to be a sterile and affection-free environment – but at least they stick to their schedule.

The Tyson family of Missouri is the polar opposite, the anti-matter version of the Tassies.  They eat fast food exclusively, their house is a total mess, and the kids swear like bikers.  Parents Michelle and Todd subscribe to the “chaos theory” of parenting – schedules and a sense of decorum do not exist inside the Tyson zone.  Sadly, Michelle seems to spend most of her time picking up after her unappreciative family, who enjoy the occasional food fight and tear up the lawn with the family SUV for fun.

As one might imagine, when the wives from these two families swap places, things get ugly.

In the Tassie home, dad Tom directs the movements of the kids and his temporary wife with his own personal set of semaphore hand signals which only he understands.  The guy is relentless in his quest for perfection, order, and timeliness.  This does not go over well with visiting mom Michelle, who struggles to adapt to the Tassie family rules.  She’s reduced to tears on several occasions, which just triggers Tom’s contempt. Tears are for the weak.

I have to hand it to the Tassie kids, though.  They at least are willing to experience new things and try out Michelle’s new rules.  They get into the spirit of things and seem like genuinely nice kids, so perhaps there is something to the Tassie Rules of Order. 

But in the Tyson home, clean freak visiting mom Terri makes little headway.  She’s aghast at the state of the house and the lack of structure and rules.  In her eyes, the Tyson kids are like little foul-mouthed wild animals and dad Todd seems like an absentee parent, since his 24/7 job demands so much of his time.  She tries to impose some sort of order in the patented Tassie style, but the kids aren’t having it.  It’s only when she dials it down a notch and tries reasoning with them instead of barking orders that she gets any sort of positive response. 

Terri doesn’t fundamentally change the Tyson home, but she does get the family to understand and appreciate everything their mom does for them.  They even clean the house before mom gets home.  In the Tassie home, it seems like the kids are open-minded and pliable enough to take away something positive from the Wife Swap experience, but Tom remains unmoved and utterly set in his ways.

The end result?  Both families appreciate what they have a little bit more than they did before, I think.  I still think both the Tassies and Tysons are a little crazy, in totally different ways, but I can’t say that they don’t love their kids.  And no matter how kooky your household may be, if you’ve got The Love, you’ve got a family.

--Dave Campbell

Comments

[SUSAN C.]

TOM TASSIE HAS TO BE THE MOST INSECURE HUMAN BEING THAT I HAVE SEEN TO DATE ON WIFESWAP. HE IS INAPPROPRIATEWITH HIS INANE GYRATIONS WITH HIS HANDS, AND POINTING TO HIS CHILDREN AS IF THEY ARE INANIMATE OBJECTS. HIS MANNER OF SPEAKING IS MADDENING...I AM TOTALLY SURPRISED THAT NONE OF THOSE CHILDREN HAVE RUN AWAY FROM HIS CRAZINESS. NOT ONCE DID THAT FOOL SMILE WHEN ENGAGING WITH HIS CHILDREN UNTIL HE WAS SHOWN TO LOOSEN UP A LITTLE AND ENJOY RATHER THAN TORMENT AND DICTATE TO HIS CHILDREN. HE IS RUDE, BELITTLING, AND BASICALLY EXTREMELY UNKIND. HE EITHER HAD A ROUGH UPBRINGING (WHICH HE IS NOW PROVIDING TO HIS OWN CHILDREN) OR HE IS JUST FUNDAMENTALLY EVIL , ROBOTIC, AND UNFEELING. SHOULD YOUR CHILDREN BE SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE WHICH I PRAY THEY WILL, IT WILL BE IN SPITE OF YOU. YOU NEED THERAPY AND SOME INTENSE SOUL SEARCHING. I'LL BET YOU ARE A REAL TRIP TO WORK WITH AND I WOULD BE EXTREMELY SURPRISED IF YOU HAD ONE LONG TERM EMPLOYEE. WAKE UP....THE WORLD IS LAUGHING AT YOU AND FEELING VERY SAD FOR THE CHILDREN. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN CHILDLESS RATHER THAN TREATING YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD THE WAY YOU DO WITH YOURTORMENTING WAYS!!!

[db1]

Go Susan. You forgot to add that Tom apparently has horrible fashion taste as well. Nice red jacket, douchebag.

[Joy]

I was so upset by the absolute innane and sickening behavior of Tom Tassie, that the moment the show was over, I looked him up on the internet so I could find him, call him and tell him what a TOTAL FREAK he is!!!! This man has more problems than the world has solutions. God save those poor children who have to endure the mania that ensues on a daily basis. As for his employees, I CAN'T IMAGINE anybody that has a shred of self respect or self worth staying in him employ for any period of time, because he must be a total and complete nightmere!! I REALLY WANT TO FIND HIM AND TELL HIM TO HIS FACE THAT HE IS ONE OF THE MOST HATED INDIVIDUALS ON TELEVISION, AND THAT HE SHOULD BE ABSOLUTELY ASHAMED AND EMBARRASSED AT HIS SICK AND DEPRAVED BEHAVIOR!! He needs to get a taste of his own medicine, but since he isn't an employee but an employer, it will have to be left up to Karma!!!!

[Joy]

I must say that I am sorry for ranting so in my initial comment about Tassie, but I was so upset by the way that this man treats his children that I totally saw red. Regarding people in his employ, I do understand that in this day and age, people have to work for whoever they can work for, and to his employees, I apologise for what I remarked about prior, I am sure that anybody in his employ just does what they have to do to have a good job, like most people have to do in this economy to survive.... It was just my frustration talking!

[john]

This man is sick in the head. I feel bad for his oldest daughter...He is setting himself up for his kids to HATE him when they grow up

[kelly]

WOW So Im late on the comments but I was also late watching the episode. Tom Tassie NEEDS to lighten up. Hes a dictator. The fact that he finds it OK to go in and throw his childrens stuff on the floor and then turns around and gets pissed that someone else did it is extreamly hypocritical. And to top it off he made his kids come in and clean it up for him. Did anyone else notice at the end when they were bowling he called it "quality time" Yeah quality time my ass. Im sorry but you dont dictate to a kid they are taking to long when you are suppose to be out having fun. Im seriously shocked the kids dont compleatly rebel and go freaking crazy and have to be brought in by the bail bonds mens family he so harshly judged. Now on the flip side the other family was a litle wild. The compleat and utter disrespect was to much. Im glad at the end they did seem to respect eachother more.

[PC]

I worked with this guy in Brighton, MI and I have to tell you he is just like he was on TV.......