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LOST - Stuff happens!

Well, that was a mind blower.

Season 4 of LOST came to an explosive end this week with a special double-length episode that blew the special effects budget and killed several main characters.  Maybe.  It sure looked like they killed several main characters, anyway.  In the world of LOST, there is dead, and then there's dead-but-still-walking-around-and-chatting.

Where to begin?  Why, with bullet points of course!

- Sawyer and Hurley - Aww, Sawyer came back for Hurley.  They're buddies.  It's been like, six episodes since Sawyer has done something self-serving - the guy's turning into a regular white knight.  I liked the quiet scene with Sawyer and Hurley share a Dharma snack together - it reminded me of this comic.

- Sayid vs Keamy - Not only do we get automatic weapon fire, grenade comedy, and The Others in full-on ninja mode, but we were treated to a rumble in the jungle between Sayid and the despicable Keamy.  They tore into each other, using whatever weapons were at hand (gun, knife, big stick) but ultimately Keamy got the upper hand -- until he was shot repeatedly in the back by Richard Alpert, who apparently was waiting in the bushes applying eyeliner while the two men fought.  Sayid did not ask, "What took you so long?" which would have been my first question.  Oh, well, at least Keamy was finally dead.  Or was he?

- "It's a place where miracles happen." - Locke didn't just drink the Messiah Kool Aid, he guzzled it.  He and Ben descended into the subterranean Orchid station in order to move the Island, but not before Keamy returned from the dead (body armor) to menace them once again.  Ben was understandably still upset with Keamy because he murdered his daughter, and got all stabby with a big knife.  A dying Keamy meant that the C4 on the freighter was going to blow up, but Ben didn't really care.   

- Bunnies: good  Metal: not good -- Ben made Locke watch a DHARMA orientation video where Dr. Edgar Halliwax explains how you can put bunnies in the time/space machine, but for the love of God DON'T PUT ANY METAL IN IT -- as Ben loaded the time/space machine with metal objects.  I thought that was hilarious.  Sometimes it seems like Ben just does stuff to screw with Locke, doesn't it?

- Bus driver!  Move! That! Island!  -- Wearing the same parka we will see him wear in the episode "The Shape of Things to Come," Ben took it upon himself to move The Island, sending Locke back up top to take his place as the new chosen leader of The Others.  How does one move a huge island?  You just turn the big frosty wheel, silly.  Yeah, that kind of tripped me out, too.  Really?  There's a big wheel thingy?

- Out of gas -- When Lapidus announced that they're running low on gas and need to ditch all the extra weight, I'm glad they didn't go with a cheap Hurley joke.  Instead, Sawyer whispered something to Kate, kissed her hard right in front of Jack, and then jumped out of the helicopter.  "We'll go back for him when we refuel,"  Jack told Kate, but I think he was crossing his fingers when he said that.

- Ka-BOOM!  --  Jin, Michael, and a number of redshirts all got blown up with the freighter as Keamy died and his "deadman switch" activated the bomb.  At least, it sure looked like they all died -- I suppose it's possible that Jin survived that.  Judging by Sun's screaming, she was not so convinced. 

- Out of gas, again -- Lapidus was running out of things to land his helicopter on.  He turned the vehicle around and was heading back to the Island when bamf!  The whole damn thing disappeared in a flash of light.  Am I the only person who thought that the Island's sudden absence from the ocean would cause a tsunami when all the displaced water shifts suddenly?  I wouldn't want to be swimming on the east coast of Madagascar in a few hours...  Lapidus landed the helicopter on the water, which is not an ideal surface.

- Desmond + Penelope -- After a fake-out where we think Desmond might die, the helicopter crash survivors were rescued by a boat.  Not just any boat -- Penelope's boat!  The two star-crossed lovers were finally reunited, which was a rare note of closure and a fleeting moment of happiness.  Jack talked everyone into lying about the circumstances of their salvation.  "Just let me do the talking,"  Jack said.  He'll regret that.

- Man in the box -- In the flash forward, three years in the future, Bearded Jack visited the mysterious coffin from the end of Season Three.  He wasn't alone - Benjamin Linus showed up as well, telling Jack what he already knew - they need to go back to the Island.  Ben had some ideas as to how to make that happen, but EVERYBODY that got off the Island needed to return, including the dead guy in the box.  The camera pulled around the open lid to reveal the identity of the man in the box...

John Locke. 

I'm going to have to let this all sink in, because there was a lot of stuff to take onboard with this jumbo sized season finale.  I'm sure folks will be disecting it all summer.  For now, I'm just content to stew in my confusion and half-baked grand theories about LOST.  That giant space turtle theory is looking more and more likely...

--Dave Campbell

SUPERNANNY - The fightin' Doyles

Supernanny enters the war zone that is the Doyle home this week, where three kids run amok and swearing, punching, and kicking are the order of the day.  If they're going to survive to reach their thirties, young parents Brandy and Dwight Doyle need Jo Frost's brand of British tough love to bring their kids under control - and possibly some protective gear.

Seriously, the three Doyle kids are completely out of hand.  5 year old Sara hits like a boxer, screams like a heavy metal singer, and swears like a dock worker.  3 year old Lizzie is following in her big sister's footsteps and has a possible future in the world of mixed martial arts.  20 month old Andrew emulates his sister's behavior and flavors his tantrums with a seasoning of crying and whining.  This trio of tiny terrors would be a handful for any parents, and at the start of the episode they have their ill-equipped parents on the ropes.

That's where Supernanny comes in.

After an observation day that consists of plenty of eye rolling and disapproving shakes of the head from Supernanny, she drops the hammer on the Doyles.  Mom needs to put the vacuum down and spend more quality time with her kids, who are so restless and unstimulated that they've grown violent.  Dad needs to plug into the family instead of plopping down on the couch after a hard day at work.  With a lot of effort and some Supernanny tips, they might just be able to turn their kids' behavior around, but they're going to need to make some major changes in their lives.

It's an uphill battle.  To test their new parenting techniques and the efficacy of their Naughty Chair discipline method, Supernanny makes them invite another family over for a playdate.  Things spiral out of control and the girls end up on the Naughty Chair.  That's when the swearing begins -- big time.  I don't know what little Sara says, but judging from the reaction of the guests it is spectacularly profane.  They take their kids and flee.

OK, that didn't go so well. 

When Brandy and Dwight hire a babysitter so they can get some quality time as husband and wife, the true test begins.  Will the Doyle munchkins behave or will they eat the babysitter alive?  Pick option B.  When Jo and the parents return home, they find the babysitter in hysterics - she's just endured several hours of cruel and unusual punishment from the kids and is teetering on the edge of sanity.  Seriously, she is going to need counseling.  Hey, at least the house didn't burn down.

In the end, Supernanny leaves the Doyle family with some solid ground rules and a framework of discipline for their kids.  The parents seem more plugged into the situation and seem to have a fighting chance of turning their kids' behavior around.  It's going to take a concerted effort over time, but with some consistency and patience, they'll survive.

I hope.

--Dave Campbell

WIFE SWAP - Thrashers vs Green Goo

The Espinosa-Marquez family live to do two things:  1) skateboard and 2) rock out.  Mom Christine and husband Gabe raise their daughter Shelby with a "hands-off" approach, and they spend a lot of their time hanging out in their skate shop or at the local skate park with "The Tribe," a pack of rebellious neighborhood kids. 

On the other hand, the button down Pay family exist in an orderly environment that emphasizes responsibility, following the rules, chores, piano practice, and self-improvement.  Mom Robyn and dad Dennis believe in discipline and micromanage their household so their kids can grow up to be productive and well-rounded members of society.  Oh, and the kids drink a half liter of this green fluid every day that consists of kale, chard, flax seed oil, and ICK.

Take a guess:  do you think these families would get along?  If you answered "no" you would be right - or at least, partly right.

Robyn Pay is in for a massive culture shock when she visits the Espinosa-Marquez home for Wife Swap.  She doesn't approve of all the skateboarding, the lack of rules and structure, and their evil rock music.  A health nut, she also doesn't approve of their diet.  Their barbeque feast doesn't look very appetizing to her.  "Eating hot dogs, that would be like the equivelant of... eating dog poo," she says.  Robyn gets points for trying a bite of hot dog, however.

In the Pay home, laid back Christine is shocked by the amount of chores and the rules that the three kids live with.  The mandatory piano practice and their practice of reading news clippings at the dinner table seem completely alien to her, and she is blown away that the kids have to write essays whenever they break a rule.

After a lot of tears and some stubborn confrontations, both sides thaw a little bit.  Robyn realizes that she needs to have more fun with her kids and not be such a disciplinarian, and Christine seems to appreciate the Pays' motivation, if not their methods.  Instead of a drag-out battle between these two different cultures, they both give a little ground and realize that there are other completely valid ways of raising kids and incorporate some of the lessons they learned into their own homes.

When it works, that's what Wife Swap is all about:  getting exposure to different lifestyles and appreciating the value of other approaches to life.  It doesn't mean that you have to stop feeding your kids green goo or take their skateboards away, but if you keep an open mind and a respect for different people, it can be a positive experience. 

I don't think the Espinosa-Marquez family will be whipping up green smoothies or the Pays roasting some hot dogs any time soon, but that might be asking too much.

--Dave Campbell

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES - The five year plan

As you likely know already, the season finale of Desperate Housewives ended with a jump five years into the future on Wisteria Lane.  That was trippy, huh?

Judging by the comments we got here at Live from L.A. about the episode, some viewers loved the  idea, some viewers... not so much.  I thought it was a pretty gutsy way to shake up the status quo of the show, but it certainly was a calculated risk on the part of the producers.

I've been thinking, though.  What if the DH producers are pulling an "Oceanic Six" and borrowing a page from LOST?  On LOST this season they've been toggling back and forth between the present day on the Island and the future, when six of the castaways make it back to civilization.  Part of the fun has been trying to piece together which six survivors got off the Island and how.  What if that's the plan for next season of DH?

I'm probably wildly off-base with this (I usually am) but it seems like there are two ways the DH creators could go at the beginning of next season.  They could continue with the five year jump that they established at the end of the finale OR they could stay in "the present" and work towards the events and circumstances depicted in the flashforward. 

Just throwing that out there as something to think about.  I think it might be a little too avant garde for the show.  Still, it would be interesting...

--Dave Campbell

ABC's Fall Schedule

Since the season is winding down and the summer schedule is about to kick in, I thought a post about ABC's fall schedule.  Each spring the networks announce their upcoming fall shows to the media in a little something called the Upfronts.  Why do they call it that? I don't know.

So here's where we stand:  ABC has the best line-up on primetime network television, so they're not tampering with a good thing.  Many of your favorite shows are returning and two new shows are being added into the Fall lineup with several more new shows slated for mid-season. 

The heavyweight shows are coming back:  Dancing with the Stars, Boston Legal (its final season), Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers & Sisters are all returning.  According to Jim and LOST will return mid-season.

On the reality show front we're getting more Wife Swap, Supernanny, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, The Bachelor (mid-season) and AFV.

What about the newer shows that we've grown so attached to?  You'll be happy to hear that Eli Stone, Dirty Sexy Money, Samantha Who? and Pushing Daisies (pictured above) are all returning to the air. 

Two new shows are joining the fall lineup.  First, Opportunity Knocks, the "home invasion game show" will air on Tuesday.  A new dramatic series, Life on Mars will air on Thursdays after Grey's.  I'm pretty psyched about this one.  Based on a BBC television series of the same name, Life on Mars is about a police detective who is mysteriously transported back to the Seventies after an accident.  It's presented by uber-producer David E. Kelly and stars Jason O'Mara (pictured below), who you might remember as the Bear Attack Brain Tumor Guy on Grey's Anatomy this season.  I have high expectations for this show.

Mike Judge, creator of King of the Hill and Beavis and Butthead, returns to TV with a new animated series, The Goode Family, which will air mid-season.  Looks pretty funny. 

Also slated for mid-season - Scrubs! 

Yes, Scrubs.  On ABC.  Zack Braff, John McGinley (aka the Greatest Actor on TV) and the staff of Sacred Heart Hospital have moved to ABC from another network, which is good news for us. 

Of course, every year there are shows that don't get picked up for another season.  Men in Trees and October Road aren't being renewed.  (Sorry, Roadies.)

All in all, a solid line-up of quality television is coming at us this fall.  Sure makes my job a lot easier. But before the new shows hit, let the summer programming begin!  Let us do this.

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELORETTE - Baseball and Magic Tricks!

Week Two of The Bachelorette gave us two group dates, one solo beach blanket date, magic tricks, a potential stalker, Tommy Lasorda, jealousy, and more desperate attempts to win DeAnna's attention.  In other words, it had everything you could want in a Bachelorette episode.

I do a play-by-play commentary on the action over at The Bachelorette Live Blog, but I thought I'd post a little something over here as well because why not?

Fifteen male suitors moved into the Bachelorette Compound this week, but only the three guys who got First Impression Roses - Jeremy, Jesse, and Richard - got to move into Bachelorette Manor.  The rest of the guys had to rough it and sleep in bunk beds down in the guest house, and were none too happy about it. 

DeAnna took one group of guys out on a group date to the Magic Castle, where single dad Jason made a good impression I think.  He still hasn't told DeAnna that he has a little kid, and if the guy waits too long she's going to wonder why he wasn't honest with her and then he's hosed.  Weirdly, the Canadian goofball Paul got the Immunity Rose. 

The other group of guys accompanied DeAnna to an empty Dodger Stadium where they met legendary manager Tommy Lasorda.  The guys competed in a home run derby while Tommy swore at them, which was funny.  Jeremy got some alone time with DeAnna and scored yet another rose, making him the clear front-runner.

Or is he?  The unshaven basketball player Graham landed the first solo date with DeAnna - a beach campfire.  She had some doubts about his commitment to her specifically, but he put her fears to rest and got an Immunity Rose - and the first full-on kiss of the contest.

Twilley, the eccentric guy, was worried that he made an ass of himself at the Magic Castle and wanted to let DeAnna know that he was, I dunno, deep or something.  He waits for her in front of the Manor while she returns from her date and smooches Graham, which the producers of the show edited to make it seem really creepy.  Which it was.  Regardless, Twilley did NOT get kicked off the show this week, so we'll see if he really is deranged or this was just an off week for him.

Who did get kicked off?  Well, DeAnna had to let not one but three suitors go this week, so she showed the door to Eric the Greek Guy, Ryan the 28 Year Old Virgin, and Chris the Greg Brady look alike.  Now only twelve suitors remain:  Twilley, Jeremy, Ron, Sean, Richard, Jason, Brian, Fred, Paul, Robert, Jesse, and Graham.  What do you think?  Who ya got?

Stop by The Bachelorette Live Blog next Monday at 9 EST and we'll find out together who makes the cut and who gets the boot!

--Dave Campbell

UGLY BETTY - Aghh! Cliffhanger!

You'd think I'd be used to end-of-season cliffhangers by now, but I still shrieked like an old woman at the TV set when this season of Ugly Betty ended with Betty walking out of her family's home in Queens (which through the magic of CGI was moved to Brooklyn?) with her suitcase in hand.  Was she going to Arizona to marry Henry?  Was she going to Rome with Gio?  Or was she choosing "neither of the above?"

We'll have to wait months - months! - before we find out, and it's killing me.

I'm thinking that Betty probably chose "neither of the above."  I mean, she can't move to Tucson.  It's a lovely town, Tucson, but that would mean the end of the show.  She seems more likely to go to Rome with Gio, but I think this would be moving too fast for her.  Yep, I think she went off to Nepal or something to find herself.

Aside from the cliffhanger, they covered a lot of ground this week.  Hilda got together with Coach, who is married!  Gasp!  Marc and Amanda were back to being Marc and Amanda, which was nice.  The Mode vs Elle softball game was cute, particularly the fear everyone had for Naomi Campbell.  The Lindsey Lohan flashback sequence was funny, although I hate it when people pick on Betty. 

Daniel's little French son was an unexpected but perhaps inevitable development, considering the guy's rampant libido.  I'm not convinced the kid is his, but it was just the opening La Slater needed to edge him out of the top spot at Mode - with Alexis' help.  Man, she threw Daniel under the bus, didn't she?  And after he stuck up for her, too.  Not cool.

Well, I guess we'll have to wait until the fall season starts to get the answers to all the questions this episode posed.  I'm hoping that Betty and Gio take it slow, Henry drops out of the picture, Daniel's paternity test comes up negative, and Alexis gets her comeuppance.  Wili can stay where she is - it wouldn't be a soap opera without a Witch Queen.

--Dave Campbell

BOSTON LEGAL - We're in the Coast Guard!

The acerbic and reptillian Judge Cooper returns to Boston Legal in this final episode, but as a client.    Since this is Boston Legal, the client in question has an outrageous legal case:  Judge Cooper represents the people of Concord, MA who want to secede from the Union.  Yes, secede.  As in drop out.  This rivals the episode where Nantucket wants to acquire nuclear weaponry. 

Creator David E Kelly's shows have always been infused with a sense of the whimsical and absurd, and the cases on Boston Legal always seem more like legal fables rather than realistic courtroom stories.  Particularly in this season, the cases have been forums for Kelly's political views, and tonight was no exception. 

Despite Alan's loathing of Cooper, he agrees to take the case even though he knows they'll ultimately lose.  Denny Crane is so offended by the idea of Concord seceding that he agrees to represent the government, and so these longtime friends are pitted against each other.  Will the case tear Denny and Alan apart?

No, silly!  OK, I hope I'm not blowing the ending for you or anything, but the case does strain but not break their friendship, and this episode ends with the traditional balcony drink-and-smoke that we've come to expect.

The best moment for me was not in the courtroom, but the scene where Alan and Denny find out that they've been accepted into the Coast Guard Auxiliary and cackle and dance with glee like little boys.  It was just so... Boston Legaly. 

The show has really been built around the friendship between Denny and Alan, so it was nice to see this acknowledged on the last episode of the season.  If this were the series finale, it would have been a nice way to wrap things up.  But fortunately ABC has picked up the show for next season.

--Dave Campbell

DANCING WITH THE STARS - Yamaguchi for the win

She's brought home the Gold and now she's bringing home the Mirror Ball. 

Tonight Kristi Yamaguchi was crowned the champion of this season's Dancing with the Stars competition, a victory that seemed inevitable from the first time she hit the dance floor. 

Week after week The Guchi and her partner Mark Ballas delivered one dazzling routine after the other, raking in the high judges' scores and crushing the morale of her competitors.  Kristi was almost always at the top of the leaderboard.  She scored the most points of any DWTS competitor, and in the final week she and Mark pulled off three perfect dances for a total of 90 out of 90 points.  It just wouldn't have been right if she didn't win the competition - empirically speaking, she was the best dancer.

Some of you may be thinking that having Kristi Yamaguchi in the contest was not fair to begin with because she is a robot from the future.

I want to be clear:  the contest was perfectly fair.  Kristi Yamaguchi is not a robot from the future.  She is not an advanced scout from a race of perfect androids who want to invade us with an army from the future.

Oh!  Oh, you're thinking it's not fair because she was an ice skater?  And not just an ice skater, but the best ice skater in the world?  I have no comment. 

Kidding!  I kid.  Yeah, you have to admit that being an ice skater gave Kristi an um, edge.  But I think that argument minimizes Kristi's competition somewhat - Jason, Cristian, and Mario all seemed like worthy adversaries who were physically up to the challenge.  Man, I still can't believe Mario didn't make the semi-finals, that wasn't right.

At the end of the day, the fact is that Kristi Yamaguchi owned Dancing with the Stars this season.  She and Mark Ballas were totally entertaining and fun to watch, and that's enough for me.

 

--Dave Campbell 

THE BACHELORETTE - Party at the manor

Tonight The Bachelorette launched in grand style with the customary Parade of Limos followed by a cocktail mixer at Bachelorette Manor.  The free drinks started flowing and the 25 suitors desperately tried to make an impression on our Bachlorette DeAnna Pappas before the first rose ceremony, when she sends about half the guys home. 

It was very much like watching a documentary about primate mating customs.  In an effort to prove to their prospective mate that they were viable, the guys strutted around, spoke loudly, physically edged out their rivals and performed a number of tricks and stunts. 

One guy jumped in the frigid waters of the pool, then stripped down to reveal that he had DeAnna's name printed across the butt of his Speedos.  And that guy got a rose!  I clearly was going about things entirely wrong with women all these years.  Another guy had a duck calling bugle thing that he was squawking (he did not get a rose), while another guy prepared a gourmet crab cocktail.  Then there was the guy with Abs of Steel who wanted DeAnna to feel them instead of paying attention to Duck Call Guy.  We can't forget the mulleted martial artist who kicked a lemon off a guy's head.  He got a rose, too!  If I had known stuff like this worked, I would have started doing stunts in high school.  In my Speedos.

And then there was the tattooed fitness trainer with the unnerving stare who sat smoldering like a human time bomb.  DeAnna let him go, and in the exit interview afterwards he appears to totally go insane.  The guy rips off his shirt and flexes his tattooed muscles, refers to himself as "The Coyote," and starts howling into the night sky.  Damn, DeAnna should have kept The Coyote around for at least another week.

Come watch The Bachelorette with me!  I live blog about the show every Monday night at our very own and accurately titled The Bachelorette Live Blog.  Let's get catty about people on TV!

--Dave Campbell