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WOMEN'S MURDER CLUB - Romance! Death! Exploding vehicles!

Women's Murder Club is back on the air this week, and I am chuffed.  Sorry, still borrowing slang from The Bachelor over here.

If you haven't seen it, here's the rundown:  based on bestselling author James Patterson's novels, Women's Murder Club chronicles the adventures of four succesful women in San Francisco who solve grisly murder cases.  No, they're not all busy-body mystery writers who stumble upon a corpse at a bed and breakfast every week -- it actually makes sense that they get involved in all these cases because it relates to their jobs.  Lindsey is a homicide detective, Jill is an assistant D.A., Claire is a medical examiner, and Cindy is a crime reporter.

The shows are usually built around Lindsey (Angie Harmon) who is a nice mix of macha and vulnerable.  This week the women all pool their resources to help catch a killer who is murdering undercover narcotics agents, but the real challenge for Lindsey comes from her attraction to a hunky architect.  Lindsey's more at ease when she's busting down doors in a Kevlar vest than she is flirting with a hot guy, and Harmon does a nice job at portraying this tough woman's shyness.

ABC has three more new episodes of Women's Murder Club in the can, and past episodes can be seen on ABC.com, of course.  I highly recommend checking it out.  It's got beautiful women, romance, relationship drama, murder, girl talk, dogs, forensics, and the occasional explosion and blast of gunfire - a little something for everyone.

--Dave Campbell

Dancing with the Stars - No More Tears

Actress Shannon Elizabeth's dramatic run on Dancing with the Stars came to an end this week when she became the latest celebrity eliminated from the competition. 

Rumors of a romantic hook-up between Shannon and her partner were swirling about all season, and the couple was plagued by relatively low scores.  The judges often took Shannon to task for lack of proper hip action and for seeming "gangly" and "awkward."   Last week she and Derek got mega-upset at the judge's comments and low scoring and staged a Class II Hissy Fit.  Shannon cried while Derek seethed at the perceived inequity in the judge's scoring.  They apologized later, but that scene couldn't have helped with the votes.

This week the judge's loved Shannon and Derek's tango, but had no love for the couple's mambo despite the presence of a prosthetic bum under Shannon's skirt.  I'm not kidding, she threw some extra weight back in the trunk, but it didn't work.  A lack of votes and a relatively low judges' score spelled doom for the young couple, so they'll be going home this week... together.

In other news, Cristian de la Fuente got checked out at the hospital after an injury destroyed his samba this week.  He ruptured a tendon in his bicep and needs surgery... after the competition is over.  He's determined to finish up, but will the injury hamper his chances at victory?  It seems likely.

--Dave Campbell

THE BACHELOR - The Limo Ride of Shame

If I may borrow a phrase from Matt Grant, this week’s episode of The Bachelor left me “gutted.”  Yes, gutted, and questioning my ability to predict what’s going to happen on reality TV shows. 

I’ve been rooting for Noelle all season, even though I knew she was a long shot.  She made it to the semi-finals, but ultimately Noelle was sent home last week, leaving Shayne (pictured left), Chelsea (pictured below), and Amanda to remain in the game. 

OK, I thought, surely he’ll pick Amanda.  She’s bright, she’s funny, she’s hot, and she pulled that great practical joke on Matt the other week.  I bet she could even hold her own and chat about current events and global commodities pricing with Matt.  She was perfect for him. 

Right?

<BUZZER SOUND>  WRONG!

Amanda took the Limo Ride of Shame this week as Matt chose Shayne and Chelsea over her.  He only had two immunity roses to hand out, and yes, he says it was a very difficult choice, but at the end of the show, Shayne and Chelsea stayed and a shocked and upset Amanda ended up crying in that limo.

Guys are strange creatures, so it’s tough (even for a guy) to predict how they’ll react when it comes to affairs of the heart.  Matt does seem to have the strongest connection with Shayne, the 22 year old actress and daughter of Lorenzo Lamas.  She seems to be smarter than she lets on, but I can’t figure out why she acts dumb in the first place or why that’s attractive.  For instance, this week she asked Matt if they had palm trees in London, but then admitted later that she knew that, duh, there was a distinct lack of tropical vegetation there.  I don’t get it.  Why pretend to be less intelligent than you really are, particularly when you’re trying to win the affections of a smart, well-read guy who keeps up on politics and current events?  It doesn’t matter if I understand it or not, because it’s clearly working.

Chelsea and Matt seem to have very little chemistry, yet he chose her over Amanda.  Chelsea’s tomboy vibe and her intimacy issues made for an excruciatingly awkward date with Matt on the yacht, but she did redeem herself during one-on-one time in the private suite, where she revealed a more romantic and sexy side to him.  Still, it seems like they have a long way to go before they develop the kind of personal connection that Matt wants/needs.

Amanda was definitely my favorite (after Noelle) but I will grudgingly admit that she and Matt might not have shared that crucial romantic spark.  It seemed like she had a hard time down-shifting into a more intimate and romantic gear during dinner with Matt.  Plus, I never noticed how much Amanda uses the word “like” as a verbal placeholder.  Maybe she was nervous, but she sounded like a Valley Girl.  Omigod, like, gag me with a spoon!

I think with The Bachelor, viewers project their own preferences and romantic inclinations on to the show and we want Matt to pick the girl that we like the most.  Still, I’m just baffled by the whole thing.  Clearly he's going to pick Shayne, right?  And propose to her, no less!  I just can't see him asking Chelsea to marry him.

-- Dave Campbell

BROTHERS & SISTERS - Is Saul going to jail?

  OMG, I just thought of something. 

Forgive me if this is totally obvious, but hear me out:  on this week's Brothers & Sisters, "Double Negative," Saul does a deal to aquire Golden Plum foods behind Sarah's back and against her wishes.  I'm economically challenged so I'm a little sketchy on the details - I imagine/hope they'll elaborate next week? - but Golden Plum filed for bankruptcy after the ink was dry on the deal, so Ojai Foods is on the hook for $20 million dollars.  As Sarah points out, they don't have that kind of money and this whole crisis could kill the company.

Earlier in the episode Saul, who was acting like a jerk, sarcastically suggests that Sarah have him arrested for fraud since he did the deal against her orders.  I think that may be where this whole thing is going:  in order for Saul to save the company he's invested his entire life in, he may have to take the fall and go to jail.  Of course, that would mean that Sarah would have to press charges... 

Am I right?  Come on, I'm right.  Saul is going to fall on his sword and go to jail, it's the only way out of it.  I hope I'm wrong, but...

--Dave Campbell

DANCING WITH THE STARS - Drama on the dance floor

Week Seven has been brutal. 

Each couple had to perform two numbers - a ballroom dance and a Latin dance.  Scores were low for just about everyone.  The judges were yelling at each other.  Len was in a mood, and the crowd revolted against him.  Thankfully nobody in the audience thought to bring rotten tomatoes to the show or things would have gotten ugly.  Kristi and Mark were knocked out of first place after receiving their lowest score yet - I knew that prop umbrella was a bad idea!  And to top it all off, disaster struck Cristian and Cheryl's samba in the most dramatic mishap yet.

Here's what happened:  After a graceful Viennese waltz that netted them 25 points, Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke danced a Samba for their second dance of the night.  Things started off great, lots of hip motion, very high energy... and then Cristian pulled a muscle in his arm.  At first it looked like he just messed up and missed a connection with Cheryl, but it quickly became obvious that something was wrong.  They ended up on the floor at the end of the routine:

(If you look carefully at the picture you'll notice somebody in the crowd who appears to be laughing.  That's cold!)

They cut to a commercial and put some ice on his arm and then took him to the hospital to get checked out.  The judges said they'd only judge their routine up until the point of the injury, but Cristian and Cheryl still ended up with a low 21 score.  I can't really blame the judges - it's not like they can give them nines and still remain fair to the other contestants.

Jason Taylor pulled past The Guchi for the first time this week with a fantastic quick step and an unusual paso doble set to the Monday Night Football theme music.  It sounds corny, but they actually pulled it off.  Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas were shoved down to second place - unjustly I thought.  Their cha-cha-cha was incredible, but Len docked them points because he didn't like the hip hop moves they did.  Oh, Len.  Don't ever change.

Here are this week's standings:

1. Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska - 55 points
2. Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas - 54 points
3. Marissa Jaret Winokur and Tony Dovoloni - 52 points
4. Mario and Karina Smirnoff - 51 points
5. Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough - 51 points
6. Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke - 46 points

Tomorrow at 9PM we'll see who gets kicked off the show during the Results Show.  And dude - Def Leppard is playing!  Come on over and keep me company at the Dancing with the Stars Live Blog, where I blog in real time with no bathroom breaks or anything!  The blogging begins at 9 PM Eastern Time.

-Dave Campbell

BROTHERS & SISTERS - No, thank you!

The answer was “no” this week on Brothers & Sisters.  The episode, appropriately titled “Double Negative,” raised a bunch of questions, all of which were answered  with a simple “no.”

Let’s break it down in a SPOILERy way.  If you haven’t watched it yet, for God’s sake, stop reading this and watch the episode online here at ABC.com.  Then you can come back.  Please.  Anyway, here’s the breakdown:

Rebecca got the results of the test back!  Is she really a Walker?  NO.  Poor Rebecca is devastated; she’s been happy with the Walkers for the first time in her life and now she feels like if she tells them that she’s not William’s love child, she’ll be voted off Walker Island.  This greatly complicates her relationship with Justin, her brother-but-not-brother.  At least now it’s not creepy that he has a crush on her.

The Taylor campaign offered Robert the vice-president spot on the Republican ticket.  Will he accept?  NO.  Good for him – Congressman Taylor is a tool.  I’ve always wondered how difficult it must be for political rivals from the same party to bury the hatchet after a nasty campaign – I guess we’ll all find out in the real world soon enough, won’t we?  But in the Brothers & Sisters universe, Robert won’t play nice with the man who smeared him.  But at what cost, politically?

Are any of Kitty’s embryos viable?  NO.  Bummer!

Saul goes behind Sarah’s back and makes a risky business move.  Ojai Foods acquires Golden Plum despite Sarah’s objections.  Does the deal work out?  NO.  Huge disaster!  We’ll see just how huge next week.  Will Sarah ever trust Saul again?  NO.

Kevin decides that he and Scotty should apply for domestic partnership after Scotty is injured at work and racks up a huge medical bill because he’s uninsured.  Will Scotty accept Kevin’s rather pragmatic semi-proposal?  NO.  Scotty wants his wedding to be special, and you can’t blame the guy.  But hold up – if he got injured at work, shouldn’t L&I take care of the cost?  Maybe the labor laws are different in  California, I don’t know, but it seems like Scotty wouldn’t be stuck with such a huge medical bill for a work injury.

Will Nora undergo a massive renovation/redecoration project in order to snap herself out of a post-break up funk?  NO.  Phew.  The Walker house really didn’t need that indoor dog run with heated floors, even if it was going to be a lovely pink color.

So many questions, only one answer:  NO.  Sometimes “no” isn’t such a bad thing, though – particularly if it makes for some interesting TV viewing.

-Dave Campbell

BROTHERS & SISTERS - McCallister for... Vice President?

Man, I am bummed.  Robert McCallister (Rob Lowe) ended his presidential bid on this week's Brothers & Sisters.  He just didn't get enough votes in New York.  It looks like the Taylor campaign is courting him to run as vice president, but I don't think he's going to go for it. 

It's too bad, because I had all these McCallister campaign signs made up and now they're worthless...

Oh well.  Maybe in four years Rob Lowe will run again.

- Dave Campbell

LOST - You go, Smoke Monster!

Now that is what I am talking ‘bout.  That was a full-on, flat-out awesome episode of LOST.

“The Shape of Things to Come,” this week’s 100% all-new episode, was significant in several ways.  As previously mentioned, it was awesome.  It was also the first episode the LOST team produced after the WGA strike.  This latest installment was co-written by Brian K Vaughn, who has written a number of fantastic comic books, including the epic Y: The Last Man.  Another major character (and three redshirts) was killed this week.  And the best part of all?  The return of the Smoke Monster!   Somebody give me a hell yeah!

As with the other episodes this season, the story unfolds in Island Time (the present) and in the Oceanic Six Timeline (the near future).  On the island, Jack’s posse finds the corpse of the doctor from the freighter, who has washed up on the beach with his throat cut.  Jack’s impatience with their guests from the freighter grows, as does the pain in his belly – or more accurately, his appendix.   When Daniel contacts the freighter via Morse code on the busted satellite phone, the Freighter Folk tell him that the doctor’s fine.  More space/time wackiness, no doubt.

Speaking of space/time weirdness, in the flash forward we find out how Ben Linus got off the Island.  Actually, we don’t find out how he got off, but he sure didn’t take a boat.  Ben wakes up in north Africa with a wound on his arm, wearing a Dharma parka.  Ben figures out where he is, but is a little confused about when he is.  He makes his way to Tikrit, Iraq, where he hooks up with Sayid and introduces him to Ishmael, employee of Charles Widmore and the guy who killed the love of Sayid’s life.  Sayid returns the favor by emptying a gun’s worth of bullets into Ishmael, and then signs up with Ben for more killing.  At least Sayid is doing something he’s good at.

Back on the Island, Keamy and the mercs from the freighter attack Locke’s group.   Those guys don’t screw around – they cap three survivors and fire an RPG into the bungalow where Claire is staying, and that’s just for starters. 

Sawyer was in total Hero Mode this episode.  He doges bullets and risks his life to save Claire, has a gunpoint stand-off with Locke to protect Hurley, and pretty much avoids acting like a jerk for the entire show.  I kind of like it when selfless man-of-action Sawyer shows up.

You know who I don’t like?  Keamy, the lead mercenary from the freighter.  That guy is pure evil.  He holds Alex at gunpoint in an attempt to flush Ben out, and when Ben refuses to cooperate, Keamy executes her with a single shot to the head.  Didn’t see that coming.

Despite Ben’s assertions that Alex means nothing to him, he’s deeply affected by her death.  It’s time for the nuclear option – the Smoke Monster.  Ben enters a subterranean chamber with weird carvings on the wall – Sawyer thinks he’s bailed on them – and returns shortly covered in soot and dirt.  I don’t know what he did exactly, but the end result was the Smoke Monster shows up and makes a meal out of the mercs.  I guess Ben was lying to Locke when he said he didn’t know what the thing was, eh?

I’m a huge fan of the Smoke Monster.  It’s my second favorite character on the Island, right after Sayid.  We haven’t seen ol’ Smokey at all this season, so it was a real treat to see the mysterious entity return in style, tearing up trees and people.  I loves me the Smoke Monster.

Alas, Keamy apparently survives the Smoke Monster attack, because there he is on the promo for next week’s episode.  Also coming up:  Jack gets appendicitis and dies!  Or not.  As one of the Oceanic Six, Jack’s survival is pretty much a given, so there’s not a lot of suspense there. 

Since this is LOST, this episode presented even more puzzles and mysteries to mess with our heads.  There is one thing that is bugging me – Charles Widmore sounded like he had an Australian accent this week, but in the past he’s always had a British accent.  Am I just imagining things, or is that correct?  If it were any other show I’d just chalk it up to a goof, but this is LOST, where even the most minor things have some greater significance.  Right?

--Dave Campbell

UGLY BETTY - Betty's back!

 

Ugly Betty returned to form this week with another hilarious, well-crafted episode.  Betty’s dreams of an “ultimate birthday extravaganza” were dashed to bits when Henry couldn’t make it to dinner and left Betty alone with a big pot of fondue and a snooty waiter.  Fortunately Gio, sweet Gio, rode to her rescue and gave Betty a carriage ride and even some fireworks.  I’d like to see Betty and Gio together at this point.  What did Gio do to his hair, though?  It looked better when it was longer.

Wilhelmina and her co-schemer Marc were up to their usual chicanery ($5 word!) and plotted to destroy Renee’s relationship with Daniel by swapping her anti-depressant/anti-anxiety pills with fat-blocker pills.  Next week it looks like Renee has a meltdown, literally, with fire and everything.  Will Wilhelmina gain the upper hand in her cold war with Renee?

One question, though:  Wilhelmina mentioned to Marc that Renee was capable of horrible things and said that she’d killed someone.  I’m guessing this was just because she knew somebody was eavesdropping on their conversation with a baby monitor, and not actual reality, right?  And when I say “actual reality” I really mean “heightened Ugly Betty reality.”

It’s nice to have Ugly Betty back.  I'd forgotten how whimsical and funny the show could be.

--Dave Campbell

WIFE SWAP - Wholesome bluegrass vs shameful rap

OK, pop quiz.  Do you think these two families would get along? 

On the one hand, we have The Stockdale family, who has checked out of the amoral world of mass culture and live a rustic, sheltered life on a farm in Ohio, where their teenage boys do chores, play in the family bluegrass band, and totally don't think about girls or pre-marital sex because that's just icky. 

On the other hand, The Tonkovic family is all about mass culture, junk food, and sleeping in late.  They financially support their son, rapper T-Vic and his live-in girlfriend as well as their daughter Melissa and her boyfriend, who also lives in their house.  Pre-marital sex is definitely not icky in the Tonkovic crib.

Once again, it's hard to sympathize with either family because they represent such extremes of modern living.  Most people want to shelter their kids to some degree from an increasingly vulgar and dangerous world, but realize that at some point their kids have to grow up -- not the Stockdales.  Similarly, most people want their kids to chart their own course in life and enjoy some freedom - just not to the extent that the Tonkovics do.  Now I'm no sociologist, but I'd bet that the vast majority of Americans lie somewhere in the middle between the Stockdales and the Tonkovics.

Laurie Tonkovic is aghast at how sheltered and structured the lives of the Stockdale boys are - but this is the mom that smokes like a chimney, lets her kids eat junk, and doesn't seem overly concerned about her kids' lack of birth control.  Kathy Stockdale is shocked by the permissive attitude of the Stockdales towards their kids and their support of "shameful" rap music - but this is the mom who hides her kids away from the rest of the planet on a farm and doesn't let her 19 year old son even consider dating.  It's hard to really empathize with either woman, frankly.  Although at least the Tonkovics are consistent - I had a hard time figuring out how the Stockdales, who don't let their kids watch TV because it's eeevil, rationalized having their entire family appear on a reality TV  show.

Sparks fly, feelings get hurt, kids get confused about the crazy lady staying in their house, and some small lessons are learned.  Nobody gets along much.  But if they did get along, there'd be no Wife Swap.  It'd just be called A Friendly Exchange of Viewpoints, and nobody would watch it.

--Dave Campbell