THE BACHELOR - How not to win in one easy step

If you are a contestant on The Bachelor, do not get drunk on the first night.  It’s just a bad, bad idea.

A little bit tipsy is OK.  You’re nervous and you want to relax with this guy you’re trying to impress - go ahead and have a few.  Even the new Bachelor Matt Grant had a couple of gin and tonics and a beer during the meet and greet at stately Bachelor Manor. But the first night of the show is not the time to raid the open bar and start pounding Cuervo. You’ll end up with nothing but a headache and regrets on the limo ride back to the hotel. 

And then you’ll probably barf. 

This season’s Bachelor, Matt Grant, is an investment banker from London who is charming, handsome, and tall. Really tall – the dude’s 6’5”. Matt has come across the pond to steal all our women, and judging by the reaction he elicited from the 25 initial contestants, he could pretty much have his pick of the entire female population of the continent. The accent helps quite a bit. I’m convinced that if you have a southern British accent you can say the dumbest things and still come across as sophisticated and witty. Fortunately for Matt, he actually is sophisticated and witty, so that just seals the deal.

Tonight was the first brutal culling of the herd of contestants – 25 women walk into Bachelor Manor (yes, I know it’s not actually called that, but let’s pretend) and before dawn, 10 of them walk back out and go home. It’s a tough business, but again, your odds of survival improve dramatically if you don’t get staggering drunk. 

Case in point: Stacy, a blonde gal who swore like a sailor and drank like a longshoreman. She got off on the wrong foot with the other girls by talking smack about how she was going to steal Matt from all of them. Her confidence seemed premature and alcohol-fueled, and didn’t exactly make her popular with the rest of the contestants. Stacy adopted a questionable predator/stalker approach in her bid for Matt’s attention. She was caressing his thigh when he was talking to Erin H and interrupted them, declaring their conversation “boring.”

 Stacy’s high stakes strategy led her to a risky gambit that would either pay off big or fail totally: when Matt was engrossed in conversation with another girl, Stacy slid up behind him and tried to stuff her panties into his pocket. The only problem was, Matt’s slacks had no pockets, so she just had to sort of cram her panties into his waistband and stagger off. The gambit failed. Matt was repelled instead of aroused and declared the whole thing “not cool.” By that time Stacy had passed out on a mattress somewhere in Bachelor Manor.

  As you can imagine, Stacy and nine other girls didn’t get a rose during this season’s first rose ceremony, which means she was taking the Limo Ride of Shame. Did anybody else notice that several of the assembled contestants seemed drunk during the rose ceremony? They kept showing one girl who was swaying in a non-existent breeze, looking progressively madder and madder as she watched other girls getting their roses. She didn’t make the cut. 

But fifteen girls did make the cut, including Noelle, my early favorite (pictured). Incidentally, Erin H, the girl that Stacy was trying to sabotage? She got a rose and is staying in the competition. Ha! 

From the previews of the upcoming shows it sounds like Matt falls for one of the fifteen women big time. But who will it be?  If this was like Dancing with the Stars I would call in a vote for Noelle, or maybe Chelsea the arm wrestler.  Come to think of it, I kinda liked Michelle P, the gal that played the clarinet. 

Who ya got? Who’s your odds-on favorite to win Matt Grant’s affections?
 

--Dave Campbell

Comments

[J-S]

Well, for starters... I can't get past that one of the girls' occupation is listed as a Hot Dog Vendor. Now, that alone, deserves a lengthy discussion. No pun intended!

What I find interesting is that the pool of women is honestly... somewhat less attractive than other seasons. I don't know what the deal is. I'd like to think that the smart, personable, attractive ladies who were on the first few seasons thinking that this might actually work/be fun... well, I think they just wisened up to the whole "reality show" game and have said no. Hence, the lesser quality pool our British bachelor has to choose from this season. This is unfortunate because I believe he probably is ready to settle down, but I must say that I highly doubt that even the woman he chooses (and apparently, he did actually choose one -- unlike Brad ...) will be the one he settles down with. But at least the show will finally open his eyes to what qualities are truly important to him in the woman he will marry.

So, despite my somewhat negative ("realistic," I say) prediction, I do look forward to all the embarassing cat fights, drunken clawing for Matt's attention, and just overall mayhem that ends in at least one girl hysterically crying. Hey, I look at it like this: no matter what I've done to embarass myself, at least it wasn't on national tv. So, for me, this show is somewhat therapeutic; "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darnit... I didn't embarass myself on national tv" right? ;-)

[You Wanker]

London Calling started off with my predictions coming true--the cameras caught two women in particular which he seemed to like and sure enough, he asked them first out of the twenty five choices to return for future group dating around the world . . . one modest young woman is in finance and spent four years in London so right away she matched as he is a banker in London.

Then a blond young actress, the daughter of Lorenzo Lamas who played a rogue in a wine country drama in the 80s. I could see the chemistry because she was the first one the bachelor tried to engage in conversation and he reached out to touch her like she was a teammate when she was walking away. He had dropped his formality and politeness. Since he played rugby and football at Cambridge, I immediately felt this karma of Posh and Becks. But I don't see her being the love of his life--it's just lust, a California girl to be his opposite. Plus if she's Latin then she's Catholic although she could persue acting in London or he could pursue banking in California.

Have you heard enough? I was glad to see the thirty year old attorney from Alamo get cut immediately . . . along with the MidWestern bimbo with her butt antlers and uncool panties. Indeed he's going for nice pretty girls who are pleasant not raunchy or the center of attention. Except in the outtakes at the end of the show, as the credits rolled, he was seen propositioning a big red telephone booth in London and dancing around in his banker suit. So I'm predicting this Shayne ditz will capture him below the belt, as he says I fancy the pants off you. However, like Andy Baldwin letting go of the one he lusts after, Matt is not going to marry Shayne. It's cute to see this big man crumble like a warm crumpet in her hands though. Plus I was almost rooting for the black girl, she's got some interesting chemistry with him but again, why must these women try to get their butts in his face when he's sitting down? No place to run, no place to hide. The black girl's charm is her confidence, just like he said . . . it should not go to her head. She had him by looking exotic and glamorous.

[You Wanker]

About that hot dog vendor:

J-S, in response to your comment above about the hot dog vender being a long story. I thought it was funny that a woman who sells our national food would target a Brit's national food. Both a baked good--the bun and the crumpet. I like her sense of humor. She's down to earth, not a snob at all, friendly. That's probably why he likes American women. A California girl to boot. Pass me the mustard will you.

[You Wanker]

Congratulations Marshana but again, don't let it go to your head. You look glamorous and have style, act the part. Shayne has glamour too but she's a gymnast. How are you going to compete with that? Show natural grace and ability on the ski slopes? Look good in that ski suit in the lodge at least . . . Shayne may have more substance than the porn star looks belie. She knows how to act when the cameras are on, just as Matt told her. He just didn't trust her because of her theatrics, remember? I wonder what your motivation is, he said to her after her tantrum. So she listened and learned. she's not stupid.

Also you can see he has a marked dislike of hootchies, they are the first to go. Also girls who he can't talk to easily, hence the surprise dismissal of darling Holly. He likes intelligence and social conversation, he's a team player . . . that's why whatshername the ad executive with the tea maker should not be scolded by Shayne for her independence. It's not like the ad exec is bad mouthing anybody. Geez, Shayne, it's just a damn tea maker. Like you want to be.

Chelsea cracks me up too with her goofy way but will she fit into his very male world at home with his brothers, on the rugby field (probably--rugby wives) or in finance? Chelsea might be bored with regular life. So be very careful when Matt starts being self-effacing by saying, I have a boring side, financial analysis . . . these people seem to have some kind of chip on their shoulder about celebrities and talents . . . he said something like that to Holly before she got the heave-ho. Financial girls show you have it but how are you useful to his fun side? A smart girl having fun is better than the village idiot having fun.
Athletic girls, how will you promote his professional side?

So. If Shayne can show some business sense I am still thinking it's Posh and Becks chemistry. It's all about how he feels with you in daily life in the end.

[You Wanker]

Down to Chelsea and Shayne. The deciding factor is who will be the best long term, the mother of his children?

So let's look at his personality again and his values. He gave the heave-ho to the hootchies first, that was painfully clear.

He's playful in a good sport kind of way, not a tourist kind of way. He's the youngest of a ton of brothers. He should be playful as the youngest often is, the youngest retaining that childlike quality. That's why he likes Shayne the gymnast and actor. Chelsea is fun too, with her old west pictures in her home town.

Matt is financial. Chelsea being in pharmaceutical sales is financial. Big money there and Matt must know this.

Matt has stable if testosterone driven family. Chelsea's parents are still together and regular folks. Moreover would Matt like the mother of his children kissing other men on screen? What kind of kids like that in Mom? I don't see it.

However if Matt loves California girls, and since he was ten, Shayne is one. Chelsea is only one by geography, living in Santa Barbara. However Chelsea looks equally beautiful and more classic and romantic than pornstar. Plus Matt has a professional image to maintain. If he were an actor or soccer player like Becks then Shayne is his Posh. However, Matt absolutely must be able to inspire the trust of the rich folk he services. The rich folk may love Shayne but as an LA Confidential type . . . whereas Chelsea and Scarlett Johannson share a romantic classic look. And Scarlet just got engaged.

I rest my case.

Best of luck to all three of you, Matt, Shayne and Chelsea.

I only ask that you send me a Brit in return for my honest assessments. Or send me to England. Hove, actually.

Cindy
California

[Vii]

Matt Grant is an ASS...taken in by the perky, fun, bleach blonde child and letting go of a classy, mature, lovely woman like Chelsea. He and Shayne aren't gonna last...PLEASE...I'M SO DISAPPOINTED IN HIM! She is soooo fake. He's made his bed and he's gonna lie in it. Chelsea will have the last laugh.

[LaRene]

Matt and Shayne...Perfect match!
I hope they have a wedding special.
I wazs so happy he picked Shayne.
Chelsea did not even want to hold hands with him, or any man per her own word's . She made a show to try and win, "after" Matt brought her attitude towards affection up!
Chelsea is the fake.
I am so glad that he saw Shayne's beautiful heart.
All throghout the season, she was by far the kindest hearted of them all!
I could not be happier for them.
God Bless and Keep Them Both!

[AnotherBachelorViewer]

What happened to Noelle. I am amazed that a lot of male viewers seemed to have the same idea, that Noelle and Amanda (the girl from Florida), were the nicest and prettiest ones amongst the whole group of 25 girls.
I also was astounded that Noelle, was let go (the show where he visits the 4 girls parents ...Shayne, Amanda, Chelsea and Noelle) I missed watching that. So, when in the following show, when Amanda was booted out, I was really upset. This guy choose these 2 (I felt they did not have the natural good nature of the last two girls who were also so gorgeously beautiful and yet were sincerely nice and decent), and he was into Shayne and Chelsea. Matt's attraction to Shayne...was so obvious and yet was still a mystery who he would choose....until the time when Shayne in the last episode handed him that 1 picture...which was like 1 picture is worth a 1000 words for these 2 lovestruck couple to go the final step..)...In the end, both the girls wore some pretty outfits. I think Chelsea's was very beautiful, but would have looked more graceful if the dress had gracefully covered her front thighs instead of having an opening. Shayne's pretty canary yellow dress would have been so more gorgeous if she had selected that to be longer. She looked like a school girl going on a prom. I still wish Matt, had chosen Noelle or Amanda. I will write to ABC, to consider doing a new show, having both Bacheloretts (Noelle and Amanda.....have their own prime time Bachelorettes either as a twosome looking for guys like a pair....dating a whole bunch of guys or each with their own show). They are such genuine, nice and very beautiful girls. I saw so many men, who have been smitten by either one of them or both of them.
Good Luck to all of these girls and also to the new couple.

[AnotherBachelorViewer]

Did Matt, already know some of the background of the 25 girls he was going to meet. Had he been briefed about it already. I am trying to figure out if he already knew that Shayne was an actress. I think Matt is infatuted with the idea of Hollywood and he even talked about it. It will be interesting to watch where this newly engaged couple will head towards.....Splitsville or Tying the Knot). I somehow feel, that Matt might grow out of this newfound love and attraction to a budding Hollywood actress, who of course does seem in her own Californian Hollywoodish manner, genuine, with her dramas and so forth. I could not figure out how Matt (when he initially did somewhat tell her off, in Las Vegas after she became upset that he was not showing any attention to her). Then, in the 2nd or 3rd episode with Robin, taking the time away from the other girl, that was so not nice and I myself would have had a showdown with that Robin. I was so happy when she got booted out. Marshana, the woman, who took offense about the smallest disagreement to her opinons or ideas, it was quite dictatorial. However her description of all the adjectives of Stacy( the girl who handed the thong), was so apt and so well put, I applauded her for that. I think, she was over dramatic, extremely difficult to get along and she could not be rubbed off in the wrong way otherwise, she took center stage, threw people off with her barrage of scalding scoldings. Boy !!!for a girl who could so describe Stacy's
"classless,tacky and tasteless behavior ;) !!! sadly could not see herself in the mirror and give herself some good advice on how to behave when someone slightly disagreed on National TV). I was embarrassed for her.
Finally, did we all see that the setting in Barbados for Matt to propose was not elaborately arranged with candles and flowers and how his proposal took place during broad daylight instead of nighttime, with hundreds of candles and flowers...One wonders if ABC was taking a lot of heat for hosting a foreigner for their Bachelor Show instead of getting a Local Hunk (from mainland U.S). I myself, thought Matt was quite a catch...tall, handsome, well established, still in his late 20s. Yet, I wonder why they toned down the setting for the proposal....is it the sign of the economic times, that even major networks cannot afford to splurge on flowers and candles and make it more romantic. Or Perhaps, they wanted viewers to have glimpses of the beautiful Barbados ocean views during the daylight hrs.
It was quite a low key (i.e. minus the candle and the elaborate set up of fountains, water arrangements, flowers and candles). Yet, Shayne and Matt both have the Best of Both Worlds. Will Shayne move to London, and live her life as a young wife to a London Financier/Banker... Hmmm...that is worth watching...Perhaps ;) !! Good Night Folks.

[You Wanker]

I'm feeling rejected and disappointed today and feel that Matt must just be so enamored or entranced by this whole experience that he went with the fantasy. They are both young but he did say to Shayne, I always thought the difference would be the attraction. However. Do you think she would ever really leave her Mom or he would leave his parents and four brothers? She has never even been out of California. Although that's probably why she has that innocent charm and childlike sense of fun, like Tinkerbell or Anna Nicole Smith. Still I have to root for my homegirl, loved her cheerful and sunny dress. For that matter Chelsea's was more elegant and sophisticated and it suited her personality just as Shayne's suited Shayne's.

But it's how you play the game not just how you look. Matt told Shayne right off after her tantrum in the beginning (bathroom scene) that she should be more equipped than any of the others to handle this reality show because of her career and father. And she played that game damn fine. Chelsea similarly played out her values--she's a businesswoman. She tried to keep her options open but this isn't a business deal where you get tit for tat. Too bad she could not have been more playful in Barbados when she had the chance. Not a dress rehearsal so go for it, you knew that when you agreed to play the game.

But Matt is going to wake up from his California dream. But better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. He had his dream and went after it and got it. Well done.

[You Wanker]

If you want to see Shayne's upcoming films and her General Hospital soap opera history, you may look up Shayne Lamas on the internet movie data base at
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2680626/

and if you are an eligible Brit between forty and fifty you can look up my page at

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2484331/

Filmography
Jump to filmography as: Actress, Self
Actress:
• In Production
• 2000s
• 1990s
1. Deep in the Valley (2008) (post-production) .... Candi
2. The 13th Alley (2008) (completed) .... Ashley
3. Endless Bummer (2008) .... Red Bikini Girl
4. "General Hospital" .... Emily (18 episodes, 2003-2006)
- Episode #1.11079 (2006) TV episode .... Emily
- Episode #1.10936 (2005) TV episode .... Emily
- Episode #1.10484 (2005) TV episode .... Emily
- Episode #1.10545 (2004) TV episode .... Emily
- Episode #1.10541 (2004) TV episode .... Emily
(13 more)
5. "Air America" .... Flight attndant (1 episode, 1999)
- Heartbreak Hotel (1999) TV episode .... Flight attndant
Self:
1. "The Bachelor" .... Herself (8 episodes, 2008)
... aka Bachelor, The: London Calling (USA: twelfth season title)
- Episode #12.9 (2008) TV episode (as Shayne) .... Herself
- Episode #12.7 (2008) TV episode (as Shayne) .... Herself
- Episode #12.6 (2008) TV episode (as Shayne) .... Herself
- Episode #12.5 (2008) TV episode (as Shayne) .... Herself
- Episode #12.4 (2008) TV episode (as Shayne) .... Herself
(3 more)