DANCE WAR - "I want more attack!"

It’s just not right.

For the second week in a row, Team Bruno – my team – suffered defeat and lost a member.

Last week Bruno was forced to cut Charity from the team, which sucked. This week Team Bruno (SPOILER) lost the vote again and the dashing Italian choreographer had to eliminate yet another young dancer from the show, crushing their dreams and breaking their spirit, etc. The whole thing was clearly very traumatic for Bruno and for the dancers as well. Seriously, they should have counselors available for those people.

The great thing about Bruno is the guy is completely 100% into it. He feels everything deeply. He lives his life with complete passion – a kind of scary Tom Cruise level of passion. Bruno’s happiness is pure and transcendent and his despair is black and endless. Plus, he says stuff to his dancers like, “I want more danger! I want more attack!” I don’t even know what that means but it sounds cool.

When host Drew Lachey announced the winner, Bruno looked like he had been struck by lightning – he was positively dismayed at the thought of having to eliminate another team member. Without a hint of irony he said that this was “the unfairest night in the history of television…it’s ridiculous.” Perhaps as an Italian, Bruno is not familiar with the real unfairest night in the history of television: the last episode of Seinfeld.

Come to think of it, I’m more of a Bruno fan than I am a Team Bruno fan.  The dancers are all right and everything, it's just that Bruno's personality is so huge and magnetic that it makes everyone look grey and weak in comparison.  He's like a black hole of attention.  It’s not just that magnetic twinkle in his eye, Bruno has a philosophical consistency that is admirable. His choreography and critiques always seem to reflect a deep commitment to the audience and a sense of duty to produce entertaining content. I like where he’s coming from. Bruno is deep.

In the end though, Bruno had to pick two out of his five dancers to “perform for their survival” as they say. Tony and Zack battled it out over a ballad to see who would face exile – it was just like Thunderdome, but without the chainsaws and stuff.

Who won? This week Tony lost and Zack will stay to sing and dance another day. Phew! Zack deserved another chance – Bruno is wise and kind.

Let’s talk numbers – musical numbers! Team Carrie Ann kicked things off with a competently done “The Devil Went Down To Georgia,” which is considered The Best Song Ever in 37 states. Still, not the most imaginative choice. Team Bruno countered with “Life is a Highway” which had tight dancing but weak vocals. Evenly matched, so far. But Team Carrie Ann busted out with a sultry version of KT Tunstall’s “Black Horse & the Cherry Tree.”  Unintimidated, Team Bruno responded with a vigorous performance of “These Boots Are Made For Walking.”

Advantage: Team Bruno. Barely.

Team Bruno should win next week’s vote, if there is any justice in the world. Team Bruno are better dancers, or at least are picking choreography that compliments and showcases their talents better. Team Carrie Ann has better vocalists though, which was painfully obvious this week. Team Bruno needs work. During “Life is a Highway” it sounded like there was an invisible water buffalo on stage singing with them – seriously, it was that bad. Don’t take my word for it. When they post it on ABC.com you can watch the episode again and judge for yourself if I’m exaggerating.

What do you guys think, is Bruno going to lose yet another team member next week? I think that in order to survive Team Bruno need to improve their singing, while Team Carrie Ann have to bust out with more technically demanding routines.

Plus:  I'd like to see monkeys. Aside from Extreme Makeover Home Edition, every show would improve with the addition of a pack of screaming monkeys. They could leap around in the rafters and randomly jump on dancers. You know, mix things up a little bit.

ABC, you can use that idea for free if you want.

-- Dave Campbell

Comments

[Mocha Junkie]

Monkeys! I love monkeys too! Let's see more monkeys on prime time!

Really.

[Mr. Hollywood]

Monkeys, yes.
Mandrils, ABSOLUTLY!!

[Mark Hale]

I'm not sure but I think you just called Ty Pennington a monkey.

[Midnight Rambler]

Ty has some pretty long arms. I'm just sayin'...

[Mikey]

Reading this has engendered within my soul a powerful urge to get me a Team Bruno tattoo.

Go Dave!

[casual watcher]

Bruno reiterated to Carrie Ann that the show was called 'Dance Wars' and shouldn't rely on the singing. Then why do they have a 'sing off' when there are eliminating a memeber and not a 'dance off'???