One Life to Live: Start Talking with Kristen

A Bumpy Road

Hey everyone!

Well, this week was a rough start to the school year for Starr.  Her principal believes that Starr is a distraction at school and even though Cole is the father, she doesn’t think he is.  He doesn’t have a huge belly.  But Starr sees it as – we are both pregnant. Cole defends her and says that if students have a problem with Starr then they have a problem with him. 

At this point, what’s done is done - Starr IS pregnant.  Starr had a couple of lines with Markko this week where he suggests home schooling. Starr is completely against it.  She did something and now she has to live with it.  Starr sees that suggestion as cowardly.  And she feels like she is doing the right thing for herself by giving the baby to Marcie. By sheltering teens from teen pregnancy, she would not be helping. It’s not a good message.  Starr really believes that hiding it is the wrong message.

An unexpected pregnancy as a teen is certainly not what Starr planned for her life. She is trying to make the most positive situation out of something that can be seen as a huge negative. As this story goes on, it’s getting harder for me to talk about this.  Of course, the most important message is prevention.  As the story continues, now there is a baby and there are emotions involved.  Starr goes back and forth about how she feels – believing it was a mistake and believing it was something that was meant to be so she could give the baby to Marcie.

A couple of weeks ago there was an amazing comment by Vonny to one of my blogs that I want to share with you:

My girlfriend is making me comment on this blog so he it goes.

I am a 17yr father to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. My girlfriend got pregnant when we were both 16 so I can relate to this storyline very well. At first we thought about abortion, we believed that we were too young to have a child, neither of us have money or a job and then there was school to think about.

We wasn't going to say anything to anybody and just get the abortion and act like nothing happened, then my cousin pulled me to the side and asked me that all too important question, was my girlfriend pregnant. How did she know I never figured out but I tried to lie and it didn't work.

My cousin told me if getting an abortion is what the girl wants because IT IS HER decision she would give me the money. Will more bad luck happened our way, we waited to long and couldn't get the abortion. So guess what I am becoming a father.

My cousin sat me down and told me to get ready, told me that there was no way I was not going to do right by my child and that I will have the love and support of my entire family with this.

At first I was scared, I wasn't ready. I was still a child myself, received all of my support from my dad. But my father said the magic words, "what if I walked away from you, how would you had felt."

Right there and then I knew that whatever it took I would become the best father that I could to my baby no matter what. That there was nothing more important on this earth than the child growing in my girlfriend’s stomach.

It hasn't been easy I won't lie, but it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be either. There is tons of support systems out there for teenage parents and if you have the support of your family it is even easier.

Your story Kristen is just one look at teenage pregnancy there are thousands of kids out their handle their business and raising and loving their babies. I don't know what I would have done if my girlfriend denied me the right to love my child. My daughter is a blessing no matter how she came about. We might not be rich but we are a family full of love and we are managing.

My cousin is my daughter's godmother and I have the support and love of my family to see me through this. What I can't provide at this time they help me with. What guidance I am lacking I acquire from my dad and my other relatives.

My friends, my real friends that support me in fatherhood and those who don't have no place in my life.

What I am saying is that I think your show doesn't show all the options just one side to the situation and it definitely doesn't support fathers at all.

I am hoping that teenagers watching this show know that you can be young and still a good parent, that giving your child up for adoption is not the best thing to do for everyone.

A lot of people judge teen pregnancy only as a huge negative but there is so much more to every story.  Every story is different. Of course, the most important message to relay is prevention.  Once a teen is pregnant, you don’t want to say it’s awful or that it’s the worst thing in the world because a life is created.  I agree that it should be prevented, but once it happens, do whatever you can to make the best possible choices.  Some teens can make it work to keep the baby.  They might have help from their friends and family. Some decide that they’re not ready or would have to drop out of school. It’s a personal decision and everyone has their own story.  We can only tell one story but I am so thankful that Vonny was brave and generous enough to share his.

Until next week.

XO,

Kristen

Start talking with your parent or child with tips from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

There is no single story that captures the experience of each of the 750,000 teen pregnancies that happen each year. Starr's story alone has inspired so much discussion and concern and reflection. There are many success stories out there -- and many stories of hardship.  The fact is that 40% of teen mothers don't graduate from high school, and the #1 reason girls drop out of high school is pregnancy.  Babies born to teens are more likely to suffer from health and developmental problems. While Cole is so committed to staying involved, most teen dads disappear. There are many loving and supportive teen parents who give up their dreams to make sure that their babies get the best possible start in life.   It's important to tell all these stories, and to give teen parents a way to share what they've been through.

Do you have a story to share? Comment on this blog. Learn more about teen pregnancy and check out "Too Young," a short video in which teen parents from a variety of backgrounds share their stories and – in their own words – offer their candid views about the difficulties they have faced.  http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/tooyoung/default.aspx  Watch clips online and tell us what you think.

Standing Up

Hey everyone!

I have really been looking forward to talking about this week.  Starr did a really courageous thing at school -- she stood up in front of her school assembly and spoke about being a pregnant teen.

Starr has come such a long way since she first found out she was pregnant.  At first, she couldn’t even bear the thought of telling anyone – her Mom, Dad, best friend, close relatives and even Cole.  She’s been forced to grow up a lot and even though she is scared, I love how strong she has become.  Going from being afraid to tell anyone from talking to everyone at school – she’s definitely come a long way.  She’s built up a lot of courage.  Starr’s had a lot of time to think about her situation and what it means to her.  She knows it’s not going away and she wants people to get that.

When she arrives at school for the first day, she is trying to hide her belly but it’s very big at this point.  It’s really impossible.  Langston is a good friend and tries to cover her. She also tells Starr that she can’t keep doing this forever but she will help her so they don’t bombard her on this first day of school.

Starr’s pregnancy is brand new for the people at her school.  Before Starr got pregnant, she would be one of the kids judging the pregnant girl.  She knows that. It’s not that she’s mean, it’s just what people automatically do.  She wants to explain how she feels and just wants some respect from the kids and teachers at school.  She really wants them to stay out of it. So when she stands up in front of assembly, she’s saying don’t jump to judge me. Don’t laugh at me. You don’t want to be in my position.  The most important thing that Starr wants is for them to understand where she is coming from.

I thought Starr’s speech was really well written. She said things like, “It’s really scary. You don’t understand that what I am going through is the scariest thing in my entire life and I am the one going through it.”  She is begging for some understanding.  She doesn’t feel like what she is doing by addressing the assembly is wrong in any way. She feels like it could be a great thing – if she could change one girl’s mind or help educate them, then she did something great for her school.  That’s what the assembly was for.

I share that same feeling with Starr.  For me, it really hit home because that’s what we have been doing with this story and this blog.  At the assembly, Starr says that if you want to judge me, that’s fine but hey maybe I could change somebody’s life. That’s pretty powerful and brave. If a pregnant girl stood in front of an assembly that Starr had attended, maybe she wouldn’t be in this situation.  One girl wrote to me and told me that she was 18 with 2 kids and that she wished that our story had been on 2 years ago.  It’s not that she doesn’t love her 2 children but maybe things would have been different for her.

I am really excited to hear your feedback on these scenes and about Starr doing such a courageous thing.

Talk to you next week.

XO,
Kristen

Start talking with your parent or child with tips from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

Starr simply didn't think it could happen to her. Or, more precisely, she just didn't think.  We've all done that -- put ourselves in a risky situation without thinking about it first, without weighing the consequences.  And hopefully, we've gotten out of it a little wiser and promising ourselves we'll do better next time.  Starr doesn't really get a "next time."  When it comes to sex and pregnancy, it's not just any risky situation. It's the kind of situation that can transform you from kid to mom. That you have to think about seriously before you're doing it.

How many of Starr's classmates were looking at her and thinking, "that could have been me!"? Starr hopes at least some of them were. Starr is trying to use her experience to teach her peers, and to be open about something that she would rather hide.  Most teens say they want to hear more from society about both abstinence and contraception. Many teens who have sex either don't use contraception at all or use it inconsistently. Nearly one-third of teen girls used no contraception the last time they had sex. Many teens feel pressure not to use protection. More than one-half of teens (52%) surveyed recently said that one of the main reasons that teens do not use birth control is because their partners don't want to. And the younger teens are when they have sex, the less likely they are to use protection. Two-thirds of teens who have had sex by age 18 wish they had waited.

With all that Starr has gone through, what is the main thing you've learned from her experience? Do you think differently now about teen pregnancy? About teen mothers? About your own risks? Comment on this blog, and get informed at http://www.stayteen.org/get-informed/default.aspx.

Senior Year Begins

Hey everyone. I hope that everyone and their friends and families in hurricane-affected areas are safe.

Even though the weather is sunny in Llanview this week, Starr didn’t get to enjoy the pool. When she ventured outside, she noticed Langston sitting there in her bikini which really upset Starr. She felt like she couldn’t join her because Starr would not feel comfy in a bathing suit and definitely not a bikini. Starr jokes that Langston is rubbing it in her face. Langston was a good friend and covered up her little bikini with a little skirt. :0)

Starr and Langston get to talking about Langston’s recent conversation with Cole. Starr is upset that Langston never said anything about Cole coming over. Starr felt like they were hiding their friendship from her. Remember, before Starr’s Sweet 16 when Cole and Langston were going to grief counseling and hanging out all of the time. “Oh, here we go again” is what was running through Starr’s mind. Langston was able to reassure her that that was not the case. In fact, Langston told Cole that she was always going to be on Starr’s side and that he better shape up. Now that’s a good friend. Cole doesn’t want Starr to be getting her own way all of the time so it’s good that Langston told him to shape up. It’s much better coming from her at this point instead of Starr. Don’t you think?

Langston also revealed to Starr that she wants to find her family, the Montezes. Starr is honest with Langston because she doesn’t want her to get her hopes up. Starr asks Langston why her mom wouldn’t have told her about them. Langston thinks that maybe she was embarrassed. But Starr is pretty straightforward with her and says if she was embarrassed, wouldn’t she just say “hey, you have an Uncle Ray but I’m really glad that you’ve never met because he is in prison?” If you ask me, it seems like there is some foreshadowing of some good drama coming up.

Starr really has the same fears that Dorian has at this point regarding Langston. She wants Langston to be a part of her family forever. If this new family is in the picture, she might not be around as much. Sounds like Starr’s maternal instincts are coming out. This also ties back to Michael’s fears for Marcie wanting to adopt the baby. He fears that Todd will try to get the baby back at some point. You and I know that the Mannings are not the most stable family in town (or in any town). Also, one day the child may wonder who his or her family is. Marcie is in denial about this possibility because she wants the baby so much. All of that being said, I still believe that Starr made the best possible choice for her and her baby by choosing adoption. The one tricky thing that is unique to this situation is that the baby will be living so close by. We’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

This week was my first week of senior year (well it was last week, but I couldn’t attend because of work). I barely have any classes which is pretty awesome. It’s a great schedule for me so I can really concentrate on the subjects that I have. It’s crazy to be a part of the oldest group at my school now that I am a senior. It feels like yesterday that I first came to high school and really looked up to the seniors. As a senior, I don’t feel as cool as I thought they were. To me, it just feels the same as being a freshman. It’s true what they say – high school goes by so quickly. I will enjoy it. I can’t believe that I will be done with high school at the end of this school year. Crazy, right?

‘Til next week,
XO
Kristen

Start talking with your parent or child with tips from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

Of course Starr wanted to be hanging out with her friends in a bikini, enjoying the last days of summer – she’s a teenager! And that’s what the teen years are for --spending time with friends, having fun, focusing on school and social life and the future – not for worrying about a pregnancy and parenthood. Of course she wasn’t thinking about the consequences when she and Cole were caught up in the heat of the moment last spring and decided to have sex without protection but now those consequences are all she has time for. It’s amazing how one night, one decision, one split-second of thinking it won’t happen to you -- or not thinking about it at all -- can change everything.

That’s why it’s important to have a plan and know what you’ll do and say when the time comes. As Starr has learned, and as more than 700,000 other teen girls in America will learn this year, once there’s a pregnancy, all roads ahead are difficult. Talking about it is important – so discuss it with friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, parents and other trusted adults, but most of all talk to yourself about it. Know where you stand and what’s important to you. And if you're not sure where you stand, that's a great reason to take it slow, and figure it out before the moment arrives.

For more information about sex, love, relationships, waiting, contraception and other important stuff, go to www.stayteen.org. And tell us in the comments how this storyline and Starr’s experience have affected you.

Back to School

Hey everyone!

This week is my back to school week, but I haven’t had a chance to start my senior year yet because I have been busy taping Starr’s junior year. I’m really looking forward to it. Starr, on the other hand, isn’t looking forward to her first day at all. You’ll see in the next couple of weeks that going back to school for Starr isn’t going to be an easy or fun thing.

This week, Todd interrupted Starr’s Lamaze class and she was extremely worried about the mischief he would cause. He ended up apologizing and gave what seemed to be a very genuine apology. Starr believed him because she loves him so much and because she does want their relationship to work out. She also doesn’t want there to be more problems between Todd and Marcie. She wants a peaceful birth without a fight for custody. Todd has another plan. I was watching the show recently and was really shocked by Todd’s scenes with Marty. He is so manipulative, but the scenes were entertaining. I really can’t wait to see what happens with that situation or if he will pull off his plan for the baby.

Starr also felt extremely lonely at her Lamaze class without Cole especially when the couple brought it up. That felt like a jab in the heart to Starr. I really loved the speech that Blair said to Starr that no one in the Lamaze class was looking at her funny because they were too busy concentrating on their own lives. Starr responded that Blair had to be kidding and that all of these parents are going to use her as an example for their kids. She also said that she is 16 and pregnant with the baby’s father nowhere to be found. I am sure that there is a lot of truth in what Starr said. So many people judge from the outside…you know – don’t judge a book by its cover. How do you feel now that you know Starr’s story? Do you judge her the same way?

Teen pregnancy has boomed back into the media again with the recent Republican VP pick (and her daughter). It just goes to show that this is a never ending issue that will continue to come up. A lot of people are judging Sarah Palin and the situation right off the bat. We don’t know much about them yet or their story.

The best thing we can always do is ask questions when we have them and get all the info before judging. Maybe Starr should figure out a way to do that with Todd or they will never have the chance to rebuild their relationship. Also, with everyone going back to school, it’s such a good thing to think about – don’t pre-judge and or your might miss out on the opportunity for some great new friends.

Til next week…and I’ll tell you what it’s like to be a senior.

XO,
Kristen

Start talking with your parent or child with tips from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

Back-to-school is a great time to think about your goals and prepare for the future. What classes do you need to take in order to get to college? What do you have to do in order to have the job or career you aspire to? What do you want to be when you grow up and what steps will you take to get there? One thing that often stands in the way of making dreams come true is an unplanned pregnancy. After all, once there’s a pregnancy there are a lot of things to do and consider that you never had to think about before. For the majority of teen moms it’s hard to complete high school and even harder to go to college. It’s harder to focus on yourself and your relationships too.

So when you’re making plans for all the things you want to do this year, remember to also make a plan to avoid pregnancy until you’re ready for parenthood. That means thinking about what you’ll do in the heat of the moment. Will you say no? How will you say it? Or if you say yes, what kind of protection will you use and how will you know where to get it and use it properly? Who will you talk to if you have questions and how will you feel about all this when the time comes? Pencils and notebooks aren’t the only things you need to succeed – you also need to know how you feel about sex and pregnancy. For more information about love, relationships, sex, waiting, and contraception, go to www.stayteen.org.