A Bumpy Road

Hey everyone!

Well, this week was a rough start to the school year for Starr.  Her principal believes that Starr is a distraction at school and even though Cole is the father, she doesn’t think he is.  He doesn’t have a huge belly.  But Starr sees it as – we are both pregnant. Cole defends her and says that if students have a problem with Starr then they have a problem with him. 

At this point, what’s done is done - Starr IS pregnant.  Starr had a couple of lines with Markko this week where he suggests home schooling. Starr is completely against it.  She did something and now she has to live with it.  Starr sees that suggestion as cowardly.  And she feels like she is doing the right thing for herself by giving the baby to Marcie. By sheltering teens from teen pregnancy, she would not be helping. It’s not a good message.  Starr really believes that hiding it is the wrong message.

An unexpected pregnancy as a teen is certainly not what Starr planned for her life. She is trying to make the most positive situation out of something that can be seen as a huge negative. As this story goes on, it’s getting harder for me to talk about this.  Of course, the most important message is prevention.  As the story continues, now there is a baby and there are emotions involved.  Starr goes back and forth about how she feels – believing it was a mistake and believing it was something that was meant to be so she could give the baby to Marcie.

A couple of weeks ago there was an amazing comment by Vonny to one of my blogs that I want to share with you:

My girlfriend is making me comment on this blog so he it goes.

I am a 17yr father to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. My girlfriend got pregnant when we were both 16 so I can relate to this storyline very well. At first we thought about abortion, we believed that we were too young to have a child, neither of us have money or a job and then there was school to think about.

We wasn't going to say anything to anybody and just get the abortion and act like nothing happened, then my cousin pulled me to the side and asked me that all too important question, was my girlfriend pregnant. How did she know I never figured out but I tried to lie and it didn't work.

My cousin told me if getting an abortion is what the girl wants because IT IS HER decision she would give me the money. Will more bad luck happened our way, we waited to long and couldn't get the abortion. So guess what I am becoming a father.

My cousin sat me down and told me to get ready, told me that there was no way I was not going to do right by my child and that I will have the love and support of my entire family with this.

At first I was scared, I wasn't ready. I was still a child myself, received all of my support from my dad. But my father said the magic words, "what if I walked away from you, how would you had felt."

Right there and then I knew that whatever it took I would become the best father that I could to my baby no matter what. That there was nothing more important on this earth than the child growing in my girlfriend’s stomach.

It hasn't been easy I won't lie, but it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be either. There is tons of support systems out there for teenage parents and if you have the support of your family it is even easier.

Your story Kristen is just one look at teenage pregnancy there are thousands of kids out their handle their business and raising and loving their babies. I don't know what I would have done if my girlfriend denied me the right to love my child. My daughter is a blessing no matter how she came about. We might not be rich but we are a family full of love and we are managing.

My cousin is my daughter's godmother and I have the support and love of my family to see me through this. What I can't provide at this time they help me with. What guidance I am lacking I acquire from my dad and my other relatives.

My friends, my real friends that support me in fatherhood and those who don't have no place in my life.

What I am saying is that I think your show doesn't show all the options just one side to the situation and it definitely doesn't support fathers at all.

I am hoping that teenagers watching this show know that you can be young and still a good parent, that giving your child up for adoption is not the best thing to do for everyone.

A lot of people judge teen pregnancy only as a huge negative but there is so much more to every story.  Every story is different. Of course, the most important message to relay is prevention.  Once a teen is pregnant, you don’t want to say it’s awful or that it’s the worst thing in the world because a life is created.  I agree that it should be prevented, but once it happens, do whatever you can to make the best possible choices.  Some teens can make it work to keep the baby.  They might have help from their friends and family. Some decide that they’re not ready or would have to drop out of school. It’s a personal decision and everyone has their own story.  We can only tell one story but I am so thankful that Vonny was brave and generous enough to share his.

Until next week.

XO,

Kristen

Start talking with your parent or child with tips from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

There is no single story that captures the experience of each of the 750,000 teen pregnancies that happen each year. Starr's story alone has inspired so much discussion and concern and reflection. There are many success stories out there -- and many stories of hardship.  The fact is that 40% of teen mothers don't graduate from high school, and the #1 reason girls drop out of high school is pregnancy.  Babies born to teens are more likely to suffer from health and developmental problems. While Cole is so committed to staying involved, most teen dads disappear. There are many loving and supportive teen parents who give up their dreams to make sure that their babies get the best possible start in life.   It's important to tell all these stories, and to give teen parents a way to share what they've been through.

Do you have a story to share? Comment on this blog. Learn more about teen pregnancy and check out "Too Young," a short video in which teen parents from a variety of backgrounds share their stories and – in their own words – offer their candid views about the difficulties they have faced.  http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/tooyoung/default.aspx  Watch clips online and tell us what you think.

Comments

[Lauren]

I just read this friday's blog, and was very touched reading a teen FATHER'S p.o.v. I don't care who made him do it, or say it, it was just something we teen girls needed to hear. The fact that most teen "men" don't stick woth their girlfriends disscusses me. The fact that Vonny isn't one of those men, makes me, and many other teen woman very happy. I feel like not all teen boys are brainless.

I was so happy that Cole and Starr were actually in the same room together this week, and that Starr had tears in her eyes. It took me almost a year in a half to get over my last break-up, ( but because the person I broke up with wasnt only my boyfriend, but my best friend, he was like a brother to me before we were going out). And to see Cole and Starr in the same room, talking little by little, makes me very happy, and I think Cole and Starr should talk more, their relationship is actually getting stronger. Right now, what more can you wish for, ( besides Langston moving before the baby's born :(

[Jessica DeSilva]

Hey starr I just wanna let you know that you are handling your pregnancy really well.I do respect the fact that you know yall arent ready to raise a baby,but I do respect what cole wants too.I think that yall will make a great mom and dad and I really think you should just reconsider it because you dont wanna do something you will regret.Watching OLTL throughout your pregnancy has really changed my life.I am 16 and my boyfriend is 17.We are engaged,still in high school,and really want a baby.After both watching the show we have decided that we want to wait till we get decent jobs,get out of school,and have a settled home to raise our baby in.We want it to have a great life and a loving family.Im not against teenage pregnancy or anything because its what some people want early in life,but I thank you so much because now we have learned something and we want to wait till we KNOW we are ready. Just reconsider you and cole giving yalls family a chance though!!!

[Diana]

I commend you Kristen for posting the other side of the story and being brave enough to recognize a father's rights even though I feel the writers have failed to do so. I still struggle with the writing of this story due to the fact that I feel the writing for Starr and Cole has been extrememly slanted in Starr's favor and that Cole and his wishes are going unheard and cared for. IMO,Starr should have never been given the power to solely dictate her child's future. I know tptb are trying to tell a thoughtful, educational and informative story all while being entertaining, but in doing so, they have grazed over one very important issue, and that's a father's rights and responsibility. It is so rare in this day and age to see fathers who want to take responsibility for their children. Recently in the news there was a story of a father giving up his nine kids after his wife died because he just couldn't handle it. And yet here we have a young boy in Cole, who has lost his entire family and is probably very scared for what happens next in his life, and yet he is willing to step up to the plate and take care of his child. That is commendable. So it troubles me to see tptb skim over this side of the story so easily all in an effort to give Marcy a child. One in which I personally do not believe she deserves after her treatment of Starr's own brother, Tommy. But I digress.
On Thursday's episode, Cole made a comment about not being a part of what happens next in his child's life. There is something inherently wrong with the father of his unborn child not having any say in what happens next in his own child's life. Whether Cole signed his rights away or not, as the father of this baby, he deserves a say in what happens next in his child futire. It's not just about Starr, it's not just a women's decision anymore, not when there's a present and capable father available; and today more and more courts and laws are recognizing that. I hope that in the future, the writers will recognize Cole's side of the story and tell that story. If the writers can only focus on Starr's side of the story now, I hope that they will give Cole the chance to express his POV after the baby is born.

[amanda]

aww i just wanna say that ur doing an amazing job with this storyline u helped and inspired so many teens and i wanna say that im pround for vonny and his girlfriend for keeping the baby and not getting the abortion i have a similar story i was pregnant at 15 and my first thought was also abortion but sitting in that room was scary and i couldn't go through with it so i told my mom and i told her i wanted 2 keep it i felt more then ashamed 4 being pregnant young but in my 1st trimester i lost the baby it was tragic i was so sad i dint know wat 2 do but i learned from that lesson and since that day that i lost my baby i havent slept with my new boyfreind i have know i tell him every time that i dont want 2 make the same mistake and even though im not a virgin id rather wait till im older and out of school to really have that commitment again

[kristie miles]

Hey kristen this is kristie , a OLTL fan and a starr and cole fan. Im 18 yrs old { 19 on christmas eve. Yayy me. lol } and my bestfriend/ my brothers ex girlfriend got pregnant at 16 and it was a diffcult situation for her and my brother. She wanted an abortion first without telling her parents then by the time her mom find out she was 4 ½ months. So she had the baby, a little boy ,my nephew. He is two now. I have seen her struggle so hard with the choices she has made and my heart aches for her. Along with your storyline and your blogs i have made the decision, a chose to vow that i will wait til marriage to give my body to another. My husband. Thank you so much u have changed my life.♥

Dear Kristen,
I have commented before because I love you and Cole. I think you two are the cutest and I look forward to every show. My baby is only 4 and now I found out I am going to be a grandma and I am not even 40 years old yet!! My son and his girlfriend are so young and of course I am full of worry and fear. Abortion is not going to happen and I hoped for adoption but my son wants to keep the baby so at the same time I am excited. The problem is he is 18 and she is 16. I believe they truly love each other but now how do I protect him?? Who can I ask for questions I need answers to? Thank-you!

[SWONTAVIA]

I THINK ITS COOL THAT PEOPLE CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO TEENS LIKE ME THANKS FOR ALL THE BLOGS..

[janeen]

wow. i still cant believe that this happened. its soo real and scary. its has certainly opened my eyes about this issue even more.

[rebecca]

i love starr. she is beautiful. i also like your story line. i had my first child at 20 and my second on at 21 am a single mom kids are hard 2 take of i'm a single mom and have been for 9 years. i love my kids 2 death.starr you would be a great mom. great work please don't leave the show. GET BACK TOGETHER WITH COLE. YA'LL ARE A BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL COUPLE . LOTS OF LUCK

[kyla]

soory i haven't been commetting on your blogs lately. i 've been so busy. i really wish i had a large amountof time anyway ,starr i am sooo rateful to see that you and cole came at odds aand are freinds.but i hope that will amount to something AGAIN, if you know what i mean. i think that you should go to regraler school because that you. starr mannung brave and fearless.:and that's the starr i like seee wen i watch oltl.your caharacter and cole's i wish soo much would get back together but i understand that it is going to take some time .the langston thing with ray montez i just don't believe it. how could het take her away fronm you guys. all do respect i hope the way its heading they don't make the same mistake that you made with cole. even though i lovin the story line.

[Kristen Murray]

Hi! I love watching One Life to Live and the storyline between Starr and Cole. I don' tknow if you remeber but a couple of years ago in the early 2000s One Life to Live did a volleyball game with a Williams Township elementary school and played volleyball at Wilson Area High School. Well, most of the those kids who attended are now juniors and seniors in high school and I don't know why I am exacly bringing this up, but I wanted to know if you remembered that at all.

[Tammy]

I have been watching the story line and it brings back memories. I am currently 44 but had my first child at 17. My boyfriend (now my husband of 26 years) was dedicated and protective. We decided to take one day at a time. Our families did not find out till I was 5 months pregnant and required a trip to the emergency room. The hospital policy stated that they had to tell my Mom. She panicked at first. I was in the upper 2% of my class. I was forced to be home schooled and the principal would not allow me on campus. My son developed sleep apnea and I almost lost him at 4 weeks old. We had lots of good times but several rough times. I am proud to say that today that son is now 26 and I had another son that is 24. I know that this does not give me the ability to address a lot of issues. I had medical conditions that made the situation dangerous and potentionaly life threatening. I glad to see that there is more information out there for teens today. I applaud Starr for being able to stand up for her right. We have to get out of the dark ages as far as peers attitudes and the public,especially schools. I do not feel there are wrong solutions because each girl has to make the choice that she feels is the best. I think Starr will help a lot of teens think first or start thinking in the right direction. Thank you Kristen for taking on this story line. I'm sure that this is an enormous learning curve to take on but you are doing a fantastic job. The blog shows how much growth you are gaining. Keep up the good work.

[Breanna]

Hey Kristen,
I love watching One Life to Live. I watch it everyday and if I miss an episode I ask my mom what is going on with Starr and Cole. I watched the show every once in awhile but when I saw that Starr was pregnant I started watching it every single day. I know exactly how Starr was feeling when she first found out she was pregnant. I'm 19 right now but 3 months after my 18th birthday I recieved a positive pregnancy test. I was on birth control at the time when I had concieved but my BC had failed. I was in denial that I was pregnant. I was pregnant and scared and had the worst morning sickness. I didn't tell anyone, not even my boyfriend. Than when I was 2 months along I got up the guts to tell my boyfriend that I was pregnant. When I told him it was one night I spent the night at his place, I just started crying, balling my eyes out and he told me that he wanted me to get an abortion. abortion was NOT my option, I was gonna take responsibility for my actions wheather he was in the picture or not. He started to come around and relizing that he was going to be a dad and he started telling me that he was so sorry that he told me he wanted me to get an abortion and he said he only said it bcuz he was scared and we were only together for 4 months when I ended up pregnant but 6 months together when I finally told him. He was happy that I was having his baby bcuz he had told me in the past that he wants to marry me and have kids with me one day in the future but it ended up happening sooner than he had expected but he was getting the idea. Well a few days I had gone to my doctors and this nurse gave me a shot without asking me if I was pregnant bcuz that shot was not suppose to be given to girls who are pregnant. Well I didn't know that and got the shot anyways and I ended up miscarring the next day. That was the most worst experience that I have ever been through in my life. I started blaming myself and started getting depressed and of course my bf didn't know how to react towards me losing the baby, yeah he was sad but didn't know how to help me. He and only my BEST friends ever knew about the pregnancy. But I ended up telling my bf's mom and I started feeling better about the miscarriage. I'm getting over it but one day at a time. But if I never of miscarried I would of been busting my butt off for the baby like I am now like continueing my college career and working. Me and my boy are still together 15 months now and that pregnancy made us stronger than ever and plan on having a pregnancy within the next year or so.
( I just wanted to share my story with you. )
I really want Starr to keep her baby, I really hope she changes her mind and decides to keep her baby! Especially since Cole really wants his baby. Starr and Cole is the cutest couple ever, I really only watch One Life to Live bcuz of Starr and Cole. lol.