One Life to Live: Start Talking with Kristen

Two little lines

Hey everyone. So, did you watch? Were you surprised? I’ll get to that in a sec.

This week has been a pretty big week for me and for Starr. I celebrated my 10th year on the show. I know, it doesn’t feel that long. We had a great party here in NYC and I feel really lucky and honored. Everyone at OLTL is like a 2^nd family to me.

Over the ten years, I’ve really grown as a person and as Starr. Starr has actually gone through things I haven’t gone through or at least she’s done them before me – like her first kiss. Now she’s had sex before me and if you saw today’s episode (Friday 3/28), you know she is preparing to take her first pregnancy test!

I was really looking forward to playing this story when our executive producer Frank Valentini first told me about it. I was excited to play it as an actor, but I had no idea the impact it would have on me. Starr is a part of me, in a way, but I had no idea this story would touch me so personally. As an actor, there is always a kind of block between me and the emotions that Starr is going through. Like, it’s not my life, it’s Starr’s life. This story is different, though. It’s really affected me.

This week Starr is facing her biggest fear. She thinks she might be pregnant. It was so weird holding that pregnancy test. I was scared. I was like, “I am too young to be holding this.” It was more intense than I ever could have imagined. In real life, this moment can vary from being a nightmare to being the happiest moment in your life. I was curious, though, because it made me think that one day I could be holding a test like that because I made the choice to have a baby. Starr had a great line when she said, “For some people those two lines are a blessing.” Just holding a pregnancy test gets you thinking. What would you do? Seeing those two little lines will change the rest of your life.   

Think about how the people around you will react. Are you ready for that? There are so many things to think about. A friend was online and saw the cover of one of the soap opera magazines and freaked out because it said Starr is pregnant (just so you know, the magazine cover was just a teasing what might happen in the story). Can you imagine if it was real life? Think about it. Just holding the test freaked me out and there is no chance in the world that I could be pregnant. 

Starr is going to have to face some tough questions and decisions in the coming weeks. Stay tuned and thanks for sharing this journey with me and Starr.

‘Til next week.

Xo

Kristen

Start talking with your child or parent with this information provided by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• A sexually active teen who doesn’t use contraception has an 85% chance of getting pregnant within a year. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?

• For more on teens, including information on relationships, sex, and contraception, go to www.stayteen.org

• Question for teenagers and parents:  What advice would you give a teenager so she can avoid Starr's situation -- having to take a pregnancy test -- in the first place?

Yes, they did

Hey! Thanks to everyone who is returning and welcome to anyone that's here for the first time.

So, I've been reading your comments to my previous blog entries and I see that there's some confusion. Let me clear things up for you. Yes, Starr and Cole did sleep together. It wasn't their plan. They wanted to spend one last night being with each other before Todd made Starr and the rest of the family move to Hawaii. It was in the moment that Starr and Cole decided to have sex. Starr lied and told her parents and everyone else she didn't sleep with Cole. She wanted to protect him from Todd.

This week, Starr made up a lie about Todd abusing Sam and tried to convince Marcie that she should do whatever it takes to get him back. Starr was acting out of resentment towards Todd for taking away Cole, who she loves so much. She wanted to take away something he loves. Part of the reason Starr did what she did to her father is because he never believed her and he just wouldn't listen. Todd never gave a logical reason for his actions. Miscommunication or any lack of communication can turn into a dangerous game.

This story has sparked my thoughts about the subject of sex and definitely started conversations between me and my co-stars at work. I've talked to people about their own experiences. Just the other day, I had a great conversation with Bree Williamson (Jessica). I talk to a lot of people at the studio about it all the time. They've asked me how I feel about the story and if it's weird for me. They've shared their take on the story and it's been really cool to bond with people in a new way.

The conversation that I've had most often since all of this started is about when and who. Actors, directors, producers have shared their personal stories with me. We all seem to agree on what's most important: Figure out who the right person is, definitely don't be forced and be safe. It's important to always use protection unless you're trying to get pregnant. You only have your first time once.

The more you can talk, the more you develop an opinion. Even though you might not have a good first discussion, keep trying. It never hurts to keep trying to talk it out. I would ask any parents who are reading this to not dictate to your teens. Stuff like "don't do this or don't do that." Talk about how you are feeling and ask your teens how they're feeling. Talk about their views and share yours. I said this last week but it's true--there needs to be trust so you feel like you can open up.

Check back next week because Starr is going to face something major and I have a lot to say about that!

Talk to you next Friday!

Xo

Kristen

Start talking with your child or parent with this information provided by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unwanted Pregnancy:

• Just like with Starr and Cole, having sex without actually PLANNING to do so is quite common--one thing leads to another, emotions heat up and passion takes over. That's why it's important to think about how you would handle a sexual situation BEFORE you're in the middle of one. Even if there isn't a serious relationship in your life, it's important to think about what you would do and what you would say. Would you insist on waiting? How do you say "no" without hurting someone's feelings? Would you use contraception? What kind of birth control would you use? Think about it!
• More than half of all teen girls say they have talked with a parent about different methods of birth control, compared to only one-third of teen boys. Parent-teen communication about sex is important for EVERYONE, not just girls. And it's important to have these conversations before teens start having sex. The most common sex topic that girls say they talk about with their parents is how to say no. The most common topic for boys and their parents is condom use. Do you think teen guys and girls get different messages about sex from their parents?
• For parents: Want tips on how to have these conversations with your kids? Visit http://thenationalcampaign.org/parents/ten_tips.aspx

Speak Up!

Hey everyone,

First, I want to thank everybody for responding and being so supportive of my blog “Start Talking with Kristen.” If you read the first entry last week, you know that we decided start this blog to hopefully get people to start talking about the issue of teen sex. It’s been amazing how everyone is willing to share support for our story and share personal stories with me. That is really what this blog is about.

OK, so Starr has had to deal with a lot of craziness since last week when she and Cole had sex for the first time. It’s been really intense! Todd has chosen to take away all of Starr’s freedoms—no cell phone, Internet or anything. She’s not allowed out at all and Todd thinks it’s punishment for her own good. As a teen, if I was going through this, I would definitely need someone to talk to. It wouldn’t help if everything was taken away from me. But with Starr, Todd didn’t listen to her. I think he was caught up in his own fears.

Starr has really tried to get Todd to listen to her. When someone doesn’t listen when you repeat yourself over and over, it’s hard. Especially when you’ve listened to them a million times. Starr really wants to be heard and she’s not and it’s frustrating. It’s a big problem with some teens I have met and their parents. It’s sad because they end up hating their parents. They want to be treated right and have a say and be accepted--like they matter. If you’re always being told “you can’t go out, you can’t go out, you can’t go out,” you’ll be more determined than ever to go out. I think adults would react the same way. Put yourself in your kid’s shoes so that they wanna open up.

Starr is not only trying to get through to Todd but she is experiencing some pretty intense emotions for the first time. Having sex for the first time is something that I can’t relate to, so I haven’t felt those emotions yet. I can imagine that giving away something so intimate and sacred is a lot to deal with. This is the most vulnerable Starr has been. She put her heart on the line and it would help to have someone to talk to.

That’s all for now. ‘Til next Friday.

Xo

Kristen

Start talking with your child or parent with this information provided by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• Want to find out what teens across the country wish parents knew when it comes to helping them deal with sex and prevent pregnancy? Visit: http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/parents/talking_back.aspx
• The #1 influence on teens when it comes to sex is their parents. But they don't always act like it. They do want to know what parents think. Teens often say that they are afraid to ask their parents about sex, because they're afraid their parents will freak out. Well, teens are going to learn about sex somewhere, so, parents: Wouldn't you rather they hear it from you?

Questions for teens:

• Do you have an example of something your parents have done that's made them easy to talk to about tough subjects?
• What about something they've done that's made it hard to talk to them?
• What advice would you give other parents?

Welcome to my blog!

March 7, 2008

Hi everyone and welcome to my blog, “Start Talking with Kristen.” We decided to start this blog to hopefully get people to start talking about the issue of teen sex. I've learned so much from Starr's actions (mistakes and all) and I am going to share my thoughts on what she's going through each week. If you're a parent and you're worried about your teenager, talk to them. If you're a teen with questions, don't be afraid to ask. Hopefully Starr's story will get you talking.

A little bit about me: I've played the character of Starr Manning for ten years and like the character, I'm sixteen years old. I've been very lucky to be able to learn some pretty important things from her. Starr's gone through so many things before I have, like her first kiss and now this week, she had sex for the first time. I've definitely taken things slower than Starr and some teens that I've met in my life. I’d like to think that I take a mature approach and think about things before doing them. Most importantly, I've always been fortunate that I could talk to my mom about anything.

About the story: I was shocked when I first heard about what the show wanted to do (Starr and Cole having sex for the first time). I always said that the show wouldn't make Starr have sex because the audience watched me grow up on the show. I thought they'd wait longer. I never thought it would happen so quickly. Then I heard how and where the story was going. Of course, my mom is like my right arm and she was the first person I talked to about it. I was like, omigod, I'm going to do a sex scene. But after talking to Frank (our Executive Producer), he said it wouldn't be promiscuous in any way. It'd be about our emotions.

Taping the scenes, I got down to my bra but it was like a bathing suit. I got to try it on ahead of time and help make the decision. Actually, wardrobe and I agreed on the bra. It was very casual because Starr didn't go over there with the plan to have sex. It was an average day in Starr’s life. They wanted me to be comfortable and I got to be really involved. They closed the set. It was really private. They really took care of me.

Talking about Starr got me thinking about me and I started asking questions. When will I be ready? Who is the right guy? I've always been fortunate to talk to my mom about anything. With teen sex being talked about so much right now with Juno and Jamie Lynn Spears – this is our version, another story on what a teenager goes through about having sex. I think it’s important, especially if it gets parents and teens talking.

Until next week!

XO
Kristen

Start talking with your child or parent with this information provided by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• 60% of sexually experienced teens say they wish they had waited longer to have sex. How did you know when you were ready to have sex for the first time? How does anyone know?
• Teens say that parents influence their decisions about sex more so than their friends, the media, religious leaders, siblings or teachers do. How do you talk about sex in your family?