One Life to Live: Start Talking with Kristen

Special Guest Star!

Hey everyone! I decided to mix it up and do things a little bit differently this week. We have a special guest blogger...(drum roll) Brandon Buddy (Cole Thornhart). We appeared on The View on Thursday and both shared out thoughts immediately before and after the show!

Kristen Alderson at 11:00am on Thursday May, 15th: Right now we are backstage at The View watching the "Hot Topics." I’m kinda getting nervous and very excited at the same time. We hope that our segment will make a difference to families and teenagers looking for guidance on the topic of teen pregnancy prevention. I hope to get all of the info that I plan on getting out there - out there. Brandon is here with me and is going to be right by my side helping me along which is such a comfort. He looks really cute, too!

Brandon Buddy at 11:25am on Thursday, May 15th: Hey this is Brandon. I am extremely excited and nervous. I want to be able to say the right things so The View audience who hasn’t seen OLTL will want to tune in and for the people who do watch OLTL, we hope we will give a better understanding about how we feel on the subject. Much love.

Brandon Buddy at 12:30 on Thursday, May 15th back at the OLTL studio: I’m glad that I got to make the point on the show about how Cole is not like most guys. He is trying to make it work. Unfortunately, most don’t stick around. Something else that I wanted to share is that just because the girl is the one who could get pregnant, it doesn’t mean that all of the responsibility is on her. Guys need to be smart too. They shouldn’t pressure girls. It takes two to tango. Thanks for your support. If Kristen lets me, I will blog again soon.

Kristen Alderson at 12:40pm on Thursday May 15th back at the OLTL studio: Did you watch? If not, click here. It was a rush. It was a good rush. I was nervous because there was a lot we wanted to say in 6 ½ minutes. But it felt good. I haven’t watched it yet. The segment went by so quickly and it’s hard to remember exactly what I said. The whole thing was kinda surreal. But I do get to talk to all of you each week on this blog, so I am pretty comfortable discussing the subject of teen pregnancy. It was cool getting to hang with the great people from the National Campaign for the second week in a row. What I didn’t get to say on The View was that by telling this story, ABC and OLTL are not preaching to our viewers. We are putting our story out there so teens can learn from Starr and Cole’s decisions and hopefully never have to be in a situation like theirs.

Kristen on Friday, May 16th: A lot of drama happened this week. The most important thing coming out of this week is that Blair will finally learn about the pregnancy. It will be a relief to Starr to not have to keep it from her mom anymore. But there is a big scare because Starr fell down the stairs. Will she lose the baby?

It was an honor to be on The View this week. I really hope that it will broaden who this story will reach.

Until next week.

Xo,
Kristen

Start talking with your parent or child with tips from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• Sometimes the hardest part of talking about sex is getting the conversation started. Still, dealing with that awkwardness is a lot easier than dealing with a pregnancy before you’re ready. So far this month almost 170,000 people have taken the quiz at stayteen.org. It’s a great ice-breaker and can really get you thinking.
• But sex isn’t the only thing in a relationship. Not for Starr & Cole, and not for anyone. Relationships involve trust, respect, cooperation, communication, fun, silliness and just spending time together. What is your relationship reality? Enter the Stayteen video mash-up contest by going to stayteen.org. Just upload a quick video clip from your phone or camera and you could win $500!

A Night to Remember

Hi everyone!

Wednesday, May 7 was the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy and I had an insane and awesome night. I was honored with ABC Daytime at the Candie’s Foundation’s Event to Prevent. To be on a guest list with Taylor Swift, James Taylor, Teddy Geiger, the Lohans, Mischa Barton and many more is crazy and to be an honoree was completely insane! The videos that were shown about what the Candie’s Foundation does were so inspiring. I felt honored to be a part of their hard work and dedication. I was interviewed by People and Seventeen magazines -- I love, love, love reading those magazines so that was really exciting. You can imagine that I would be nervous to give a speech before such a great audience but once I got on stage, it was cool and I was really proud to be there. I also got to meet the great people at the National Campaign who have offered us such amazing support.

So this week on OLTL, Starr and Cole started their new lives together away from Llanview. Cole is really trying to make things OK for Starr. When they first arrived at the beach, they were fighting. Starr was starting to doubt her decision but now it’s getting better. Starr was thinking “why did I run away if we are just going to fight?” On Monday, they had a talk that needed to happen. This is such a great example, that if you can just talk, you will get to a place where you will feel more comfortable and hopefully you can talk it out. Talking really does work.

Starr and Cole are trying to live in the moment. If they think too far ahead, it will really mess them up. They are making the best of the moment. Cole is trying to do his absolute best. We see them trying to have fun. They are trying to just act their age and not worry about all of their adult problems -- just take a break from all of the drama and live in their own little world. But once Starr gets the call from Todd, it checks her right back into reality. He starts saying that she is his little girl. She was always daddy’s little girl. They had such a great relationship. But she isn’t daddy’s little girl anymore. She’s had sex and she is going to have her own child. She’s not Todd’s little girl anymore.

Next week Brandon Buddy (Cole) and I are going to be guests on The View to talk about our story and teen pregnancy. I am really looking forward to hearing what they have to say about our teen pregnancy story. Also, I’ve been on the show twice but have never been interviewed so that will be cool. BTW, The View airs on weekdays at 11 am, but check your local listings.

Next week is a very DRAMA-FULL week on OLTL. John and Blair have some leads on where Starr and Cole are and now Todd is hot on their trail. Of course, OLTL will make sure it is a crazy, exciting, suspenseful and as dramatic as possible.

Talk to you next week. By the way, did you take the National Day quiz?

XO,
Kristen

I wanted to pass along this message from my friends at the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• So far this month more than 100,000 people have taken the quiz at stayteen.org! If you’ve taken it already then you know that it’s a great way to put yourself in the middle of a scenario and to think about what you would do in the heat of moment. That’s the key to preventing pregnancy -- knowing what you would do and having a plan in mind before you’re faced with the situation in real life.
• More than 750,000 teen girls will get pregnant this year -- many of them will say they didn’t think it could happen to them. But it can happen -- every time you have sex there’s a chance of pregnancy. Even the first time.
• If you still haven’t taken the quiz, go to stayteen.org. And if you’ve already taken it, tell your friends to do it too!

On the run!

Hey guys. Can you believe that it's already May? It's an awesome, eventful month! It's the National Month to Prevent Teen Pregnancy and next Wednesday, May 7th is the National Day. ABC Daytime is being honored by the Candie's Foundation at the Event to Prevent here in NYC and on the 29th I'm turning 17!

For Starr, May has already started out with tons of drama and it's just the second day. Cole and Starr ran away from Llanview! Cole was so desperate to try to get Starr to run away and spend the rest of her life with him. He was trying to convince her that they could do this, get a place of their own and be a great little family. He tried to convince her that this is their last resort. He was so determined because he lost his entire family. This is his second chance.

Starr, on the other hand, is scared to leave especially being pregnant. She doesn't want to go to some strange place and have this baby without her mom. Cole is looking at the situation like it's forever but for Starr, she is thinking that she would have to leave for at least 2 years - until she is 18. It's a really long time to be without her family. I can't imagine being away from my family for more than a weekend before getting homesick. I definitely can't imagine forever!

What convinces Starr is that she sees it as the only way to keep them safe. She is thinking that she can always come back home. Starr is feeling 1,000 different things all at the same time Cole means the world to her but she isn't thinking about their relationship right now. She can't think about anything other than leaving Llanview and her family. I wouldn't be able to do it.

So this week I took a test. Not THAT kind of test. The National Day Quiz at stayteen.org. I got a 15 out of 18 which makes me an expert. I think that if I took it before I started this storyline, I would have done well but not as well as I did. There are definitely some facts that I have learned from being a part of this story. It's a pretty cool test. I would love to hear how you do, but answer as truthfully as possible and see what you really know.

I guarantee that Starr and Cole's journey out of Llanview is going to be anything but boring. Next week, I'll tell you all about the Candie's Foundation's Event to Prevent. Taylor Swift and James Taylor are performing, which will be fun! It is really cool to get this award for something that I am so proud to be a part of.

Until then,
XO
Kristen

Start talking with tips from The National Campaign for Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• Like Starr and Cole, most teenagers who get pregnant say they never thought it could happen to them. But it can happen, and it does, to 750,000 girls every year. The key is to know what do in a sexual situation before it happens. Do you say no? Do you insist on using protection? What if drugs or drinking are involved? What if the guy is a lot older than the girl and she feels pressure to do more than she’s comfortable with?
• Take the quiz -- it's based on real life scenarios from real teens, and can help you better understand how risky things really are. Put yourself in the middle of a tough situation – a 16 year old girl getting ready for prom and planning to have sex for the first time or a “friends with benefits” relationship where one person becomes interested in something more. What would you do? Go to stayteen.org and take the quiz!
• One in three girls gets pregnant before age 20. Don’t be the one. Take the quiz at stayteen.org, see how you score and share it with your friends

Things I've Learned

Hi everyone. So this is the week that Cole finally found out that Starr is pregnant.

Starr is very relieved because she wanted to tell him. But she needed to tell him face-to-face and alone. That was really important to her. She wanted to tell him alone because it is such a big thing, but most of all she needed to stress how important it is to keep quiet because Todd can’t find out. If he finds out, it will only turn out BAD.

Starr feels like it’s not just her making the decisions by herself about the future. She has Cole’s opinions and ideas. Langston is supportive but Cole is the baby’s father. She did almost tell her mom again. She was really ready to and felt like she could confide in her, but being interrupted by her dad really brought everything back to reality.

Cole is making the decisions now. It’s kind of a relief because Starr is living moment to moment. She is trying to think far ahead but it’s just too overwhelming. Even though she is happy that Cole knows, he is ready to run away and I think that Starr is not so sure. She will be running from something that she is going to have to keep running from and that’s really scary and overwhelming.

I learn new things everyday at studio but this storyline has been so much more. It’s been a bonding experience with my co-workers and the people around me. I’ve always learned things about acting from fellow actors, but since this story started, it’s just been so great not only to talk about acting but real life situations - to learn about pregnancy, teen pregnancy, unplanned pregnancy.

It’s been an eye opener. I learn so much from people everyday and I am constantly developing my views on planned pregnancy. What I’ve learned is to make a plan. This story and all of the conversations have given me information that is not only useful on set but information that will stay with me forever. It’s influenced me and a lot of other people’s views especially about talking to their parents. I think that’s a great thing.

Talk to you next week. Do you think Starr and Cole will run away? You’ll find out next week. Until then.

XO,
Kristen

Start talking with tips from The National Campaign for Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

Starr and Cole are trying to work through this situation together and they are lucky to have each other, but in real life that usually isn’t the case. In fact, eight out of ten fathers don’t marry the teen mothers of their children—not that Starr and Cole are getting married—but many teens aren’t able maintain a relationship of any kind. Dealing with a pregnancy is difficult and it often tears people apart. Some people think it’s hard to talk about safe sex or it’s awkward to bring up the topic of birth control or that they’ll hurt someone’s feelings if they don’t say yes to sex. Even so, it’s even worse to tell someone you’re pregnant.

The bottom line is that sex won’t make a guy yours and a baby won’t make him stay.

For more information about sex and relationships, go to stayteen.org. Parents can help their teens avoid getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant. Learn more at thenationalcampaign.org.

One Decision Changes Everything

Hi everyone. I’m currently on location for some really big stuff that is going to happen in May--but I can’t talk about that yet! Stay tuned!

Starr and Langston had some pretty intense conversations this week about choices. I was recently talking to someone about this storyline and they asked me what the hardest decision was that I ever had to make. I quickly responded “what shoes to wear with this outfit.” Of course, I was joking but those are the kinds of decisions 16 year olds should be making. Not life changing decisions.

Langston thinks abortion is a bad idea and doesn’t believe in it. She wants Starr to think long and hard before she does anything. She makes her views very clear. Starr’s views are a little more simple: She knows the choice she faces is so serious but the truth is, she just doesn’t want to face having to make a choice.

One decision can change everything. Not just in her life but the people around her. Before, life was so simple for Starr. She didn’t really have any big decisions to make. She definitely didn’t have to make decisions that would completely change everything. She’s having a really hard time. This situation--being pregnant and what to do about it--is different than anything she’s ever had to face. It’s a situation that is completely preventable. Now every move she makes, can change her life, and the lives of her baby, Cole, Dad, Mom, Langston…the list goes on. Make sure you don’t get to where Starr is and have to make that decision.

When Starr finally makes her decision, she is alone. She sees a couple hugging and she’s not with Cole. She sees two best friends and misses Langston. She feels really lonely. She’s trying to be mature, but most of all she’s scared and she’s young!

At my school, one of my teachers said that they heard my character is pregnant on the show. Word travels fast! And I’m not pregnant, my character is. But rumors and gossip travel quickly.

After today’s show, the Public Service Announcements (PSA) for stayteen.org aired. Doing the PSA made me check out the site--I watched videos. It’s cool, relaxed. The site isn’t telling you “don’t do this, don’t do that.” It’s pretty awesome. I really love that this story has given me the opportunity to learn more.

Until next time.

XO,
Kristen

Start talking with tips from The National Campaign for Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• One out of every three girls in the United States will get pregnant before age 20. Still, even though people in every town, every community, and every part of the country feel the impact of teen pregnancy, half of all teenagers have never considered how a pregnancy would affect their lives. It’s important to think about it in advance and to know how to prevent a pregnancy because once you’re pregnant, every road ahead is challenging, no matter what.
• In real life there are no retakes. Sex is serious. Have a plan. Will you say no? How will you do it without hurting feelings? If you are going to say yes, what kind of protection will you use? Where will you get it? Have you talked with a parent or another trusted adult about this?
• Parents: Make sure your teenager knows he or she can come to you at any time, and if it’s uncomfortable then give it another try. Watch One Life to Live with your son or daughter and ask what they think – about Starr’s situation, about how Cole and Langston are (or aren’t) helping her, about what her parents could be doing differently. Listen carefully and let them know you really care. Visit The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy for more ideas about how to help your teens make good choices and to take a quiz measuring how well you know what today’s teens are thinking.

Tough Choices

It’s true, Starr is pregnant. Now what?

Starr was so close to opening up to Blair this week and reveal that she’s pregnant. Starr really needs her Mom. I think everyone needs their parents. For a moment, she felt like she could open up to Blair but then she realized that it was just not a good idea. Blair knew something was wrong but Starr just blew it off. She loves her family but just doesn’t feel comfortable sharing this. She’s afraid.

Me and my mom tell each other everything. My mom’s told me about when she was pregnant with me - how she was excited, nervous, scared and she was 29 years old. She had the strongest bond in the world with me when she was pregnant. I don’t think that’s what Starr is going through. It might hit her eventually but right now, Starr’s world is a scary place.

A couple of weeks ago, I talked about some of the great conversations that I’ve had because of this story. This week, I had the honor of being able to talk to a girl named Ashley. She got pregnant when she was 16 and had her baby at 17. She was very brave to share her personal story with me. I asked her about the emotions she was feeling when she was pregnant. The thing that stood out is how strong she was in making the best possible decisions for her baby. She is so mature. Her experience changed her for the better because she didn’t give up. She made a plan.

After talking to Ashley, I look at teen pregnancy a little differently. She made such a brave decision for her baby. She made something that could have been negative into a beautiful positive. You hear about teen pregnancy but you don’t hear the personal emotions. It’s easy to make a quick judgment. She wasn’t ready and she knew being a parent is a huge responsibility. She definitely looked at her situation and made the best choice she could. She chose adoption because she believed it was the best thing for her son. She said that everyone kind of glamorizes how cute a pregnant belly is. Yeah it’s cute but she had to live with it and see it everyday. It’s so much more.

I’ll share more about my conversation with Ashley in some of my future blogs.

Until next week when Starr has a huge decision to make.

Xo
Kristen

Start talking with tips from the National Campaign for Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• If you're a teenager facing something as serious as a pregnancy, there is nothing more important than confiding in a trusted adult. Parents or other family members, teachers, faith leaders -- someone who cares about you and whose opinion you value. As hard as you think it might be to tell someone now, eventually it will be much more difficult if you don't. For information about how to avoid getting pregnant in the first place, visit stayteen.org.
• There are more than 750,000 teen pregnancies in the U.S. every year, but fewer than 5% of them end in adoption. For more facts and figures about teen pregnancy and teen childbearing, visit The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. For more information about adoption, visit The Adoption Council at www.adoptioncouncil.org.

Now or Never? Choose Never

Hi again. Well, this week the audience found out that Starr might be pregnant. Yes it’s true, Starr and Cole didn’t use protection! And they do know better.

Starr had to face talking about what happened that night she and Cole slept together for the first time. Up until this point, she didn’t have anyone to talk to or she was just too scared. Her BFF, Langston saw her with the pregnancy test and now she knows.

Langston brings up some interesting points when she finally finds out they slept together. She points out that Starr and Cole only had sex once--so she shouldn’t be pregnant. She said some people try for a while and this was Starr’s first time, so the chances are slim. Well, even if you hear that it’s rare for someone to get pregnant on the first time, it’s not that rare. All it takes is once. It does happen and for Starr and Cole, this might be what they are facing.

Starr and Cole had a plan. They talked about when the right time would be and what it would be like. It would be special and they would use protection. They didn’t stick to their plan. They got caught up in the moment.  Because of circumstances, it seemed like “now or never” because she was never going to see him again. Well, if you don’t have protection, it’s NEVER. Starr and Cole were in the moment but their plan should have dealt with “in the moment.”

If you have a plan, stick to it. You shouldn't have sex without protection, unless you are trying to get pregnant. Look at Starr, because she didn't use protection and now she's having to face a lot of problems. Even if it seems like "now or never,” don't give into the moment, especially without protection.

Starr is facing some scary stuff right now and it’s really difficult. It’s helpful that she can share her thoughts and feelings with Langston, even though she says some things that frustrate Starr. This is such a good example for parents and teens. Make the effort to have a conversation even if it’s hard at first. When parents talk to teens and teens say “you don’t understand,” at least the parents are trying and they should keep trying. Having a conversation helps. The whole pregnancy situation is scary enough but facing it alone is terrifying. Starr is comforted by the fact that she has someone who is trying to help her. 

It’s great reading your thoughts on the story. I would love to hear from anyone who “started talking” because of our story or this blog. 

Monday is a big day for Starr.

Talk to you next week.

Xo

Kristen

Start talking with tips from the National Campaign for Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• Did you know 1 in 3 girls gets pregnant by the age of 20? If teens and parents ask themselves some of the questions below, we can greatly decrease the number of teen or unwanted pregnancies.
• Teens: Finding yourself in a sexually charged situation is not unusual. You need to think about how you'll handle it in advance. Have a plan. Will you say "no"? Are you afraid of hurting someone’s feelings if you do? Will you use contraception? If so, what kind? How will you negotiate all this? All of these questions are far too important to put off thinking about. Talk it over with friends, family, and yourself. Practice saying the words out loud. After all, it may be awkward to talk about condoms, but it is much more traumatic to tell someone you’re pregnant. Talking about these issues and having a plan doesn’t make you pushy or "easy" – it makes you smart.
• Parents: Talk to your kids about their plans--not only their plans for how to approach a sexual situation, but their plans and goals for the future. The chances that your children will delay sex, pregnancy, and parenthood are significantly increased if their futures appear bright. This means helping them set meaningful goals for the future and talking to them about what it takes to make future plans come true. For more ideas on how to help your teen avoid pregnancy, look at the Ten Tips for Parents from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen & Unplanned Pregnancy. http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/parents/ten_tips.aspx

Two little lines

Hey everyone. So, did you watch? Were you surprised? I’ll get to that in a sec.

This week has been a pretty big week for me and for Starr. I celebrated my 10th year on the show. I know, it doesn’t feel that long. We had a great party here in NYC and I feel really lucky and honored. Everyone at OLTL is like a 2^nd family to me.

Over the ten years, I’ve really grown as a person and as Starr. Starr has actually gone through things I haven’t gone through or at least she’s done them before me – like her first kiss. Now she’s had sex before me and if you saw today’s episode (Friday 3/28), you know she is preparing to take her first pregnancy test!

I was really looking forward to playing this story when our executive producer Frank Valentini first told me about it. I was excited to play it as an actor, but I had no idea the impact it would have on me. Starr is a part of me, in a way, but I had no idea this story would touch me so personally. As an actor, there is always a kind of block between me and the emotions that Starr is going through. Like, it’s not my life, it’s Starr’s life. This story is different, though. It’s really affected me.

This week Starr is facing her biggest fear. She thinks she might be pregnant. It was so weird holding that pregnancy test. I was scared. I was like, “I am too young to be holding this.” It was more intense than I ever could have imagined. In real life, this moment can vary from being a nightmare to being the happiest moment in your life. I was curious, though, because it made me think that one day I could be holding a test like that because I made the choice to have a baby. Starr had a great line when she said, “For some people those two lines are a blessing.” Just holding a pregnancy test gets you thinking. What would you do? Seeing those two little lines will change the rest of your life.   

Think about how the people around you will react. Are you ready for that? There are so many things to think about. A friend was online and saw the cover of one of the soap opera magazines and freaked out because it said Starr is pregnant (just so you know, the magazine cover was just a teasing what might happen in the story). Can you imagine if it was real life? Think about it. Just holding the test freaked me out and there is no chance in the world that I could be pregnant. 

Starr is going to have to face some tough questions and decisions in the coming weeks. Stay tuned and thanks for sharing this journey with me and Starr.

‘Til next week.

Xo

Kristen

Start talking with your child or parent with this information provided by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• A sexually active teen who doesn’t use contraception has an 85% chance of getting pregnant within a year. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?

• For more on teens, including information on relationships, sex, and contraception, go to www.stayteen.org

• Question for teenagers and parents:  What advice would you give a teenager so she can avoid Starr's situation -- having to take a pregnancy test -- in the first place?

Yes, they did

Hey! Thanks to everyone who is returning and welcome to anyone that's here for the first time.

So, I've been reading your comments to my previous blog entries and I see that there's some confusion. Let me clear things up for you. Yes, Starr and Cole did sleep together. It wasn't their plan. They wanted to spend one last night being with each other before Todd made Starr and the rest of the family move to Hawaii. It was in the moment that Starr and Cole decided to have sex. Starr lied and told her parents and everyone else she didn't sleep with Cole. She wanted to protect him from Todd.

This week, Starr made up a lie about Todd abusing Sam and tried to convince Marcie that she should do whatever it takes to get him back. Starr was acting out of resentment towards Todd for taking away Cole, who she loves so much. She wanted to take away something he loves. Part of the reason Starr did what she did to her father is because he never believed her and he just wouldn't listen. Todd never gave a logical reason for his actions. Miscommunication or any lack of communication can turn into a dangerous game.

This story has sparked my thoughts about the subject of sex and definitely started conversations between me and my co-stars at work. I've talked to people about their own experiences. Just the other day, I had a great conversation with Bree Williamson (Jessica). I talk to a lot of people at the studio about it all the time. They've asked me how I feel about the story and if it's weird for me. They've shared their take on the story and it's been really cool to bond with people in a new way.

The conversation that I've had most often since all of this started is about when and who. Actors, directors, producers have shared their personal stories with me. We all seem to agree on what's most important: Figure out who the right person is, definitely don't be forced and be safe. It's important to always use protection unless you're trying to get pregnant. You only have your first time once.

The more you can talk, the more you develop an opinion. Even though you might not have a good first discussion, keep trying. It never hurts to keep trying to talk it out. I would ask any parents who are reading this to not dictate to your teens. Stuff like "don't do this or don't do that." Talk about how you are feeling and ask your teens how they're feeling. Talk about their views and share yours. I said this last week but it's true--there needs to be trust so you feel like you can open up.

Check back next week because Starr is going to face something major and I have a lot to say about that!

Talk to you next Friday!

Xo

Kristen

Start talking with your child or parent with this information provided by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unwanted Pregnancy:

• Just like with Starr and Cole, having sex without actually PLANNING to do so is quite common--one thing leads to another, emotions heat up and passion takes over. That's why it's important to think about how you would handle a sexual situation BEFORE you're in the middle of one. Even if there isn't a serious relationship in your life, it's important to think about what you would do and what you would say. Would you insist on waiting? How do you say "no" without hurting someone's feelings? Would you use contraception? What kind of birth control would you use? Think about it!
• More than half of all teen girls say they have talked with a parent about different methods of birth control, compared to only one-third of teen boys. Parent-teen communication about sex is important for EVERYONE, not just girls. And it's important to have these conversations before teens start having sex. The most common sex topic that girls say they talk about with their parents is how to say no. The most common topic for boys and their parents is condom use. Do you think teen guys and girls get different messages about sex from their parents?
• For parents: Want tips on how to have these conversations with your kids? Visit http://thenationalcampaign.org/parents/ten_tips.aspx

Speak Up!

Hey everyone,

First, I want to thank everybody for responding and being so supportive of my blog “Start Talking with Kristen.” If you read the first entry last week, you know that we decided start this blog to hopefully get people to start talking about the issue of teen sex. It’s been amazing how everyone is willing to share support for our story and share personal stories with me. That is really what this blog is about.

OK, so Starr has had to deal with a lot of craziness since last week when she and Cole had sex for the first time. It’s been really intense! Todd has chosen to take away all of Starr’s freedoms—no cell phone, Internet or anything. She’s not allowed out at all and Todd thinks it’s punishment for her own good. As a teen, if I was going through this, I would definitely need someone to talk to. It wouldn’t help if everything was taken away from me. But with Starr, Todd didn’t listen to her. I think he was caught up in his own fears.

Starr has really tried to get Todd to listen to her. When someone doesn’t listen when you repeat yourself over and over, it’s hard. Especially when you’ve listened to them a million times. Starr really wants to be heard and she’s not and it’s frustrating. It’s a big problem with some teens I have met and their parents. It’s sad because they end up hating their parents. They want to be treated right and have a say and be accepted--like they matter. If you’re always being told “you can’t go out, you can’t go out, you can’t go out,” you’ll be more determined than ever to go out. I think adults would react the same way. Put yourself in your kid’s shoes so that they wanna open up.

Starr is not only trying to get through to Todd but she is experiencing some pretty intense emotions for the first time. Having sex for the first time is something that I can’t relate to, so I haven’t felt those emotions yet. I can imagine that giving away something so intimate and sacred is a lot to deal with. This is the most vulnerable Starr has been. She put her heart on the line and it would help to have someone to talk to.

That’s all for now. ‘Til next Friday.

Xo

Kristen

Start talking with your child or parent with this information provided by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• Want to find out what teens across the country wish parents knew when it comes to helping them deal with sex and prevent pregnancy? Visit: http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/parents/talking_back.aspx
• The #1 influence on teens when it comes to sex is their parents. But they don't always act like it. They do want to know what parents think. Teens often say that they are afraid to ask their parents about sex, because they're afraid their parents will freak out. Well, teens are going to learn about sex somewhere, so, parents: Wouldn't you rather they hear it from you?

Questions for teens:

• Do you have an example of something your parents have done that's made them easy to talk to about tough subjects?
• What about something they've done that's made it hard to talk to them?
• What advice would you give other parents?