A Case of the Seriouslys

The Black Plague.  Smallpox.  Syphilis.  Just a few of the highly contagious infectious diseases that have ravaged and destroyed the peoples of the world throughout time.  Diseases caused by one bad strain of bacteria catching on and spreading like wildfire.  Well, as a new M.D., I’m taking it upon myself to diagnose a pretty nasty bug that’s infiltrated the walls of Seattle Grace Hospital.  Yes, you guessed it…the Seriouslys. 

As far as infectious vocabulary diseases go, the Seriouslys are right below a case of the Umms (which are of course, one step below the Likes) and directly above a case of the Actuallys.  What makes the Seriouslys so dangerous is their ability to replace practically any word or expression in the English language.  One person unknowingly utters a couple of "seriouslys" and it’s a slippery slope.  Within hours everyone in a quarter-mile radius is gradually losing the vocabulary they’ve spent their whole lives compiling. 

Below I’ve transcribed a real life, actual conversation that took place in the locker room before rounds yesterday. I believe it illustrates the dangers of the Seriouslys.

MITCH:  Seriously guys, I need to get in on Sloan’s facial reconstruction today.
   Translation→ I so need to get in on Sloan’s facial reconstruction today. 

PIERCE:  Seriously?
   Translation→ Facial reconstruction? Real surgeons slice open brains.

ME (#2): Seriously.
   Translation→ I second that. 

LUCY: Seriously?
   Translation→ Whatever.  Cardio trumps Neuro any day.

NORMAN: Seriously!
    Translation→ I haven’t the foggiest idea what any of you silly kids are talking about, but I can say “seriously” just like the rest of you.  Ha ha!  See?  I said it!

LEO: Seriously?
    Translation→ Who are you kidding, grandpa?  You can’t keep up with our “seriouslys."   

#3: Seriously!
    Translation→ LEO!  Have a little respect.  He’s one of us.

Ok, so now do you see the danger?  Let’s face it folks; this disease has reached critical mass.  We are entering threat level purple here.  If we don’t find a cure, I give us two months tops before the Seriouslys have irreversibly replaced every single word in our collective vocabulary.  And I don’t think that it would be in the interest of patients to have surgeons communicating with sentences like “Can I have the seriously to seriously him?” or “Which seriously is it that we are seriously-ing?” or “Is he seriously-ed already?”

So is there a cure?  Can we solve this lingual crisis?  This war of the words?

Well, I’ve decided to consult an expert on the subject—me.  You see I once developed a case of the Umms.  I got it from my five-year-old cousin.  (Stay on alert folks!  These vocabulary disasters can come from anywhere!)  But fear not, the Umms didn’t progress to an irreversible state of wordlessness.  Nope, thanks to a little thing called the Likes, the Umms went away pretty quickly.  You see the only way to cure the Umms is to give everyone a vial of the Likes or the Actuallys or the You Knows (but I’d advise not to go there as they are a dangerous beast) or some other lingual disease.  Then the new lingual disease replaces the old one just in the nick of time. 

Ok, so there may be a minor side effect to my cure.  You see, eventually the replacement lingual disease will begin eliminating words and need to be thwarted by the introduction of yet another lingual disease, thus creating a bit of an endless cycle.  But that's okay because cycles are what the world is all about!  (I mean, where would we be without the water cycle?)  And it is this endless cycle of lingual diseases that will prevent our collective vocabulary from complete and utter obliteration. 

So please sign the petition below to make “Actually” the new “Seriously.” Save the words.  Save the world. 

1.    #2
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Comments

[shadesofgreyrox]

1. #2
2. Alexa
3. shadesofgreyrox

Actually???
Seriously??
Really??
Incedentally??

[mcserious]

seriously????
oh no... you're definetely not saying that...
seriously????

[mcserious]

seriously????
oh no... you're definetely not saying that...
seriously????

[tess]

seriously,
didn't you seriously say that you seriously would be seriously posting every thursday? seriously? seriously, please keep blogging! seriously!
ps seriously, i seriously have the seriouslys seriously bad! seriously!

[amygdala]

one: i hope that being and intern, and a surgical one at that, you know what the amygdala is.
seriously.

and two:

SERIOUSLY?
SERIOUSLY?!
YOU SERIOUSLY CAN'T DO THAT. seriously is seriously STUCK.

seriously, dude.

..seriously.

[McRighteous]

I don't think #2 knows who Shonda is. Ummm, actually, like, you know, seriously?

[McRighteous]

Can't it be "right" instead?

1: Right!
2: Right...
3: Right?
4: Seriously?
5: Right.

[lyn]

yea, seriously, ''seriously'' is here to stay. seriously.

[the water maven]

How 'bout "incidentally"? Incidentally don't you think that "incidentally" should replace "seriously"?

[Maree]

:O Seriously?!
Actually is seriously not the new seriously.

[Sally]

Clearly, actually is not going to cut it. I vote to replace "seriously" with "clearly"...

[Lah]

Seriously, it's never gonna work!!

[Sesalle]

It's never gonna go away, friend. Sorry. According to Shonda, "Said correctly, it can convey sarcasm, dismay, disbelief, a sense of moral and ethical superiority, and gentle chastising punishment, all at once." It's just too universal :).

[Beth]

I'll give it a try, but seriously....

[mcsmiley]

i get where your coming from, but i cant sign, and seriously sounds way better than actually....sorry....

[Alexa]

LOL
I'll sign!! Seriously!
2. Alexa

[Alexa]

LOL
I'll sign!! Seriously!
2. Alexa