To Natalie of Boise, Idaho

Natalie Asks: I am dating a boy named Danny but I don't really like him anymore. I've never broken up with a guy before though. And recently I was asked out by this really hot guy named Adrian. While my friend Kristin has a cousin who has a HUGE crush on me!  But it gets worse, Danny's BFF also wants to date me, while some guy in Florida won’t stop e-mailing me! What the heck do I do?!  

 

Sydney Says: Natalie, what do you do? What do you do? You enjoy the attention, that’s what you do.

Look, I know exactly how you feel. I myself have been the object of many a man’s affection. Nurse Tommy down in PEDS. Boris, who works the coffee cart and just happens to give me free scones whenever I bat my eyelashes or pout my lips. Derek Shepherd, for cryin’ out loud. Even he hopped aboard the Sydney train. It’s not easy, being this desirable, let me tell you.

 At the end of the day, Natalie, it’s important to remember that being so attractive, intelligent, charming and wanted – no, needed – by every handsome surgical attending this side of the Mississippi IS A GIFT. It’s a BLESSING. And, as I say in my book (which so happens to currently be on book stands), COUNTING YOUR BLESSINGS is the THIRD PRINCIPLE of my HEALING WITH LOVE philosophy.

Be grateful Adrian asked you out. Thank the high heavens Kristin’s cousin has a HUGE (!) crush on you. Appreciate the fact Danny’s BFF wants to date you. The guy in Florida who won’t stop emailing you – now that’s just creepy – but recognize all of your (other) suitors as honest-to-goodness BLESSINGS.

 I practice the fine art of counting my blessings every chance I get. It all starts with a thank you…

“Oh, Dr. Sloan, THANK YOU for inviting me to scrub in on your facial reconstruction at noon.”

And some positive concurrence… 

“Why, yes, Dr. Shepherd, it truly IS a beautiful night for saving lives.”

 I remind my co-workers about the power of counting your blessings every chance I get…

 “Dr. Grey? You are alive partly because Cristina rubbed your feet when you drowned in the Sound. Have you thanked her for that?”

 “Dr. Bailey? Are you aware that Dr. O’Malley cheated on his wife – the lovely and talented Dr. Torres – with Dr. Stevens? A fact that made Dr. Torres basically suffer from a nervous breakdown, causing her to daydream, hide in closets and avoid doing work all day, ultimately opening the door for HER  being fired and YOU  being hired as Chief Resident?? Well, Dr. Bailey… I think a simple ‘thanks’ is LONG OVERDUE…

 But, back to Natalie and her not-so-much-of-a-dilemma…

 Natalie, if you don’t really like Danny, you should break up with Danny. Hey, it happens. You run out of things to say. The romance disappears. The relationship fizzles. Hey, I get it. It’s time to part ways. Here’s a tip on how to appropriately do so…

 Whatever you do – at this critical juncture – please don’t forget to THANK Danny. Thank him for his time. Thank him for his consideration. Thank him for taking you to the sock hop or for going to the ice cream parlor with you or for doing whatever it is that you crazy youngsters do these days. Natalie, basically say, “Thanks, but… no thanks.”

 That’s how I like to break up with someone. That way, you’re very clear. You’re very direct. You’re able to let him down gently, softly – maybe you even smile or raise your shoulder in a calm, tender manner – but the point is… You’re telling Danny it’s over, and – at the same time – you’re still showing gratitude. You’re still thankful! You’re thankful the Danny chapter is over. You’re thankful you’re so attractive. And – perhaps most importantly – you’re thankful you never gave that guy in Florida your phone number.

Love,

Sydney 

PS: Natalie, for all of this advice (the kind of advice you won’t find anywhere else, except in my book, “The Grey’s Anatomy Guide to Healing with Love”), you can THANK me later. xoxo