Grey's Anatomy: Healing with Love

Do you have a question for me?

Maybe you're being as indecisive as Meredith or as emotionally walled in as Cristina. Got Mark Sloans in your life that you wanna keep/get rid of? Well, if you need advice or just want to make a comment, shoot me a note! I may respond to it in this blog similar to my upcoming book: The Grey's Anatomy Guide to Healing with Love. For the mean time, check out the questions I've answered below!

Love,
Sydney

Name:

City:

State:

Question:

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To Catherine of Boston, MA

Catherine asks: Hi there – Can I please have a second thought of how you overcome your fear of failure and move on to make your professional dreams come true?? Thank you for your time. 

Sydney says: Why do pencils have erasers? Think about it…

 Give up? Well, it’s because of MISTAKES. And we ALL make them. Hence, erasers.

 Look, on the road to success, you’re bound to make a few mistakes here and there. Maybe you misdiagnose leaking spinal fluid for a cold. Or perhaps it’s the transcontinental booty call you made last night. Hey, it could even be your decision to ignore your hand tremor and continue to operate on your patients. Whatever the case may be, my point is: Mistakes are commonplace. Mistakes are important. Mistakes are necessary. They’re just another one of life’s building blocks – they allow us to remain strong and enable us to make better decisions in the future.

 That being said, ‘failure’ is not something to be afraid of. Instead, ‘failure’ is something to embrace. As a matter of fact, every time you ‘fail’, you actually win. Why? Because ‘failure’ is just another opportunity to learn and grow. And, when you’re learning and growing, you’re WINNING. Am I right? I am so right.

 I would really love for you to meet my friend, George. Now there’s a fella who has made PLENTY of mistakes in his day. He cheated on his wife, he slept with his best friend, he failed his intern exam, he cut his hair a little too short… I could go on, and on, but none of that stuff is really important. What matters is that George was able to pick up the pieces of his shattered life, put them back together and ultimately move on. He learned. He grew. And, now, he’s on his way to becoming a full-fledged resident.

 I bet George will never cheat on his wife again. Well, he can’t, because they’re now divorced.

 I’d at least wager that George will never sleep with his best friend again. Well, we know that’s not gonna happen because he and Izzie realized they had no sexual chemistry, whatsoever.

 Okay, I’d put money on the fact that George will never fail his intern exam again. I just have a funny feeling.

 And, of course, George will never, ever cut his hair as short as he did the day after he slept with Meredith Grey because George now knows better.

 Catherine, you (and everyone else out there) can learn a lot from George. He didn’t let any of his previous ‘failures’ stand in the way of achieving his dreams. He learned from all of his mistakes. Moreover, he grew from all of his mistakes. And he’ll never make them again.

 George wants to be a surgeon. That’s his dream, and he’s not going to let one itty, bitty little test squash it. George isn’t going to let his fear of this thing you call ‘failure’ get the best of him. No, siree. He’s going to re-take his intern exam. He’s going to pass. And, dog gone it, he’s going to achieve his goals and be the best damned surgeon in the whole entire world.

 Now, I’m going to stop typing, before I get too emotional. But, I’ll leave you with this: The only way to get over your fears is to face them head on. So, go ahead, Catherine. Fail. Make some mistakes. You’ll soon discover that the only real, true mistake is one in which you learn nothing.

 Love,

Sydney

To Suzie of Texas

Suzie asks: Hey Sydney - I truly do believe that there is someone out there for everyone… but I just cannot seem to find him. I go through all the bad ones, and just cannot seem to find a good one. Any advice? Thanks

 

Sydney says: Well, Suzie from Texas, you can start with an attitude adjustment. It’s a little thing that will make a big difference. I could barely get through all that negativity and all that sadness and all that stinkin’ thinkin’ you’ve got going on in your email. Put a lid on it, sister, and fix your ‘tude!

 Suzie, I’m not being intentionally hard on you. I’m not singling you out. I’m just giving you a bit of tough love, here. Listen to me very carefully: If you want to find that special someone, then you need to start thinking that you will. It’s called hope. Ever hear of it? Oh, it’s a magical phrase, “hope.” Synonymous with “positive thinking,” hope can turn any situation – even your love life – from bad to good.

 The second principle of “healing with love” is saying “buh-bye” to stinkin’ thinkin.’ You, of course, probably already knew that because my book has been on bookshelves for over a week and I am SURE you’ve read it by now. Anyhoo – It’s all about taking control of your mind, rather than letting your mind take control of you.

 Case in point: Not too long ago, we had ourselves a bit of a situation here at SGH. It was called “bomb in a body cavity” and some genius had a bomb stuck… in his body cavity. To make a long story short, a “Code Black” was called, the hospital was shut down and everybody and their momma suddenly went all doom and gloom on me. Oh, the things I heard that day…

 “A quiet board in the morning is a board shot to hell by noon. A quiet board means trouble. A quiet board is death.”

 “There’s not going to be any baby born today. I can’t. I can’t do this without my husband. I can’t do this all alone!”

 “She now has my McDreamy and my McDog. She’s got my McLife!”

 Oh, everybody with their pink mist and their non-working lavender conditioner and their bombs in body cavities – it all really got me down, ya know? Let me tell you, misery is one of the worst communicable diseases out there. And, that day, it seemed like everyone was spreading their unhappy thoughts, their sad feelings, their stinkin’ thinkin’ aimlessly and uselessly. Now, if, instead, everyone looked at the bright side of things, then we all would’ve been a lot better off…

 Did Richard really have to jinx us and say “a quiet board is death?” No, instead, he should have chosen to exclaim, “I love a quiet board! It gives me a moment to reflect on the important things in life – like unicorns.”

 Was it really necessary for Bailey to get so downtrodden about delivering her baby alone? No way, Jose – I just think she needed more hugs.

 Meredith didn’t really need to start her day all dark and twisty with the McDreamy-McDog-and-McLife-stealing, did she? I’d wager that if she hadn’t woken up all broken, then her hand would’ve never ended up on that bomb in a body cavity. Just a guess…

The point is, the staff at Seattle Grace could have acted a little more positively and cheerfully that day. But, coulda woulda shoulda… They didn’t. So, we had an explosion and Dylan died.

 Which brings me back to Suzie.

 Suzie, we all have choices in our lives. We all make decisions. And, no decision is more important than the one to think positively. That’s right, deciding between happy thoughts and bad thoughts IS A CHOICE. A really, truly, super, dooper BIG CHOICE.

 You can CHOOSE to stink think – meaning, you’re contemplating “quiet boards” and how alone you feel when delivering your first child and Addison Montgomery-Shepherd stealing your McDreamy and “bad dates”…

 OR…

 You can CHOOSE to consider the good – unicorns and the power of positive hugging and the sheer fact that there really IS a man out there for you, Suzie. Good things come to those who wait and you’ve just got to be patient. You’ve got to hold your head high, wipe off that mascara and believe – truly believe – that you WILL find your knight in shining whatever… someday.

 Suzie, I’ll leave you with a few words of wisdom from my very own mother: There are no bad dates, just bad dating habits. Good luck and God bless.

 Love,

Sydney

To Natalie of Boise, Idaho

Natalie Asks: I am dating a boy named Danny but I don't really like him anymore. I've never broken up with a guy before though. And recently I was asked out by this really hot guy named Adrian. While my friend Kristin has a cousin who has a HUGE crush on me!  But it gets worse, Danny's BFF also wants to date me, while some guy in Florida won’t stop e-mailing me! What the heck do I do?!  

 

Sydney Says: Natalie, what do you do? What do you do? You enjoy the attention, that’s what you do.

Look, I know exactly how you feel. I myself have been the object of many a man’s affection. Nurse Tommy down in PEDS. Boris, who works the coffee cart and just happens to give me free scones whenever I bat my eyelashes or pout my lips. Derek Shepherd, for cryin’ out loud. Even he hopped aboard the Sydney train. It’s not easy, being this desirable, let me tell you.

 At the end of the day, Natalie, it’s important to remember that being so attractive, intelligent, charming and wanted – no, needed – by every handsome surgical attending this side of the Mississippi IS A GIFT. It’s a BLESSING. And, as I say in my book (which so happens to currently be on book stands), COUNTING YOUR BLESSINGS is the THIRD PRINCIPLE of my HEALING WITH LOVE philosophy.

Be grateful Adrian asked you out. Thank the high heavens Kristin’s cousin has a HUGE (!) crush on you. Appreciate the fact Danny’s BFF wants to date you. The guy in Florida who won’t stop emailing you – now that’s just creepy – but recognize all of your (other) suitors as honest-to-goodness BLESSINGS.

 I practice the fine art of counting my blessings every chance I get. It all starts with a thank you…

“Oh, Dr. Sloan, THANK YOU for inviting me to scrub in on your facial reconstruction at noon.”

And some positive concurrence… 

“Why, yes, Dr. Shepherd, it truly IS a beautiful night for saving lives.”

 I remind my co-workers about the power of counting your blessings every chance I get…

 “Dr. Grey? You are alive partly because Cristina rubbed your feet when you drowned in the Sound. Have you thanked her for that?”

 “Dr. Bailey? Are you aware that Dr. O’Malley cheated on his wife – the lovely and talented Dr. Torres – with Dr. Stevens? A fact that made Dr. Torres basically suffer from a nervous breakdown, causing her to daydream, hide in closets and avoid doing work all day, ultimately opening the door for HER  being fired and YOU  being hired as Chief Resident?? Well, Dr. Bailey… I think a simple ‘thanks’ is LONG OVERDUE…

 But, back to Natalie and her not-so-much-of-a-dilemma…

 Natalie, if you don’t really like Danny, you should break up with Danny. Hey, it happens. You run out of things to say. The romance disappears. The relationship fizzles. Hey, I get it. It’s time to part ways. Here’s a tip on how to appropriately do so…

 Whatever you do – at this critical juncture – please don’t forget to THANK Danny. Thank him for his time. Thank him for his consideration. Thank him for taking you to the sock hop or for going to the ice cream parlor with you or for doing whatever it is that you crazy youngsters do these days. Natalie, basically say, “Thanks, but… no thanks.”

 That’s how I like to break up with someone. That way, you’re very clear. You’re very direct. You’re able to let him down gently, softly – maybe you even smile or raise your shoulder in a calm, tender manner – but the point is… You’re telling Danny it’s over, and – at the same time – you’re still showing gratitude. You’re still thankful! You’re thankful the Danny chapter is over. You’re thankful you’re so attractive. And – perhaps most importantly – you’re thankful you never gave that guy in Florida your phone number.

Love,

Sydney 

PS: Natalie, for all of this advice (the kind of advice you won’t find anywhere else, except in my book, “The Grey’s Anatomy Guide to Healing with Love”), you can THANK me later. xoxo

Ask Sydney!

Thank You!

I appreciate your question. Since I have tons  to go through, I may not be able to answer all of them --but I'll try my best.  Promise!

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