Dirty Sexy Money: Dirty Sexy Blog

Dirty Sexy Change

Finally, after today (Tuesday) this great nation will get the change it desperately needs. No I’m not talking about how it’ll be when Obama wins. I’m talking about the fact that now the presidential race is over, we don’t have to watch any more election coverage. I’m sick of it. There’s even one news organization using holograms in their coverage, just to beat out the competition. Holograms! Who do they think they are? Darth Vader? They are even announcing the winners without any numbers reporting, just to show that they are the news leader. What’s also great is that we don’t have to see any more election ads. Just good old-fashioned advertisements about chips and how I need to lose weight. But the best thing about election being over is that there is a new episode tomorrow night and now you have no excuse not to watch. Booyah!

In tomorrow night’s episode, “THE VERDICT”, Nick now knows about Jeremy and Nola’s secret relationship. What will he do with this knowledge? Nick doesn’t know that Lisa’s silent partner in the art gallery is Jeremy. How long can this secret last and which special guest star, will spill the beans? Now that Karen and Simon are engaged, Nick will do everything in his power to save the company and family from Mr. Elder’s wrath. And, Tripp also takes a drastic measure to protect his family and his fortune. Patrick is now a Senator but he doesn’t have his confidante anymore. Who will replace Carmelita as his rock? This is good stuff, people.

We hope you’ll enjoy, “THE VERDICT.” Now I need to get back to watch holograms.

Darling Fact: Brian was the youngest Darling to lose his virginity and he lost it to Patrick’s girlfriend Marsha at the age of 14.

Dirty Sexy Table Tennis

Finally I'm back, yes I know it's late, but I am here to tell you about a rivalry of epic proportions that has created quite a stir in the DSM offices. No, I’m not talking about any feuds between actors and producers. I’m talking about the vicious ping-pong battles that I have with Peter Krause. Almost every day, we fight it out on the table tennis court in the Writers’ Office. Peter and I are about the same level of player -- we're both pretty bad -- which makes the games pretty good. A few weeks back, Peter left a ping-pong ball on my computer that read, " Feel my Sting!" Where I come from that means war, so I retaliated by leaving a smashed ball with a frowny face and a message that said, I would do the same thing to him. He said he found it funny, but deep down I know he wanted to beat me senseless. Peter's game is fancy -- he's got a lot spin moves. I have none of that, but somehow I beat him. Sometimes I beat him so good, a tear falls from his left eye. He says it's allergies, but we all know what it really is: the agony of defeat.

And somehow that brings us to tonight’s episode, “The Silence”. It’s the eve of Election Day, and as you all saw last week, our beloved Carmelita is back! Patrick is thrilled and ready to go public with their relationship despite Tripp’s fears about the implications for Patrick’s Senate campaign -- but the campaign has bigger problems when Ellen’s brother, Chase Alexander shows up, slinging murder accusations and threatening to make the Darlings pay. Tripp asks Nick to handle the situation, as usual.

Also in need of Nick’s services is Karen, who reveals that Simon proposed. However, a week has passed and she still hasn’t given Simon an answer and wants Nick to see if his intentions are true. Nick reluctantly pays Simon a visit and learns the unsettling truth about Simon’s plans. Speaking of marriage, Nick and Lisa’s is still on the rocks and they’ve decided to try couple’s counseling. But it doesn’t help that Jeremy’s still in the picture, offering his name to help Lisa get the gallery space of her dreams. Lisa tells Nick about the offer, but Nick’s not having it. Will Lisa go through with it anyway?

Lisa’s not the only woman complicating Jeremy’s life. Things with Nola are more “on” than ever, and he uses his “connection” to help Letitia secure a hall pass to Paddy’s Election Day party. Nick gets wind of this and it sets off a red flag – who’s Jeremy’s mysterious connection at the D.A.’s office? And finally, things are full steam ahead for Election Night, but the evening is cut short when Tripp collapses after a public argument with Patrick! We hope that you will tune in for what’s guaranteed to be an hour full of dirty sexy Darling drama. And feel free to leave comments.

Here are some answers to the questions you had about the second episode:
1. Lucy Liu’s dress with the pink belt was designed by Alexander McQueen and the sweater that she wore is by designer Jill Sanders
2. The Bed that Nola and Jeremy slept on can be found at The Silk Trading Company.
3. Most of Simon’s clothes are purchased at Pop USA, which is located in downtown Los Angeles.
4. The blazer that Jeremy wore in the first episode was actually a suit designed by D&G.
5. The song that played during the Karen/Simon bathtub scene is “The Outsiders” by Athlete.
6. Natalie Zea is the one and only Karen.

Darling Fact of the Week: Patrick Darling spent 1.6 million on his Senior Class Presidential Campaign. He won by only 14 votes.

Dirty Sexy Answers

I've been stuck in the writers' room all week -- we've been breaking episode 211 and finally I have five minutes to post another blog. Since I don't have much time, let me answer some questions:

Q: Where is Juliet?
A: I promise you will find out what happened to her later this season. I can't spoil it, I'll get fired.

Q: What is the name of the song towards the end of the show?
A: The classic "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie

Q: What is the name of the song when we first see Lucy Liu at the bar as she is walking out?
A: "Veni Vedi Vinci" by the Black Lips

Q: Could you tell me where I can purchase those gorgeous wine/grappa/vodka glasses Karen put on Nick's Desk?
A: Michael Courville, our fantastic prop master, purchased the glasses at Table Art in Los Angeles. You can visit them online at: http://www.tartontheweb.com/tart/

Watch tonight's episode,"The Family Lawyer," and send in your questions. I'll write a proper blog next week, which will include a juicy Peter Krause story, involving paddles.

Darling Fact of the week: The combined cost of Karen's four weddings is more than the Gross National Product of Andorra.

Dirty Sexy Resurrection

That’s right people. We’ve risen from the dead (aka The Strike) and we’re back with more chapters about America’s richest family and more importantly: I’m back with this blog. HOORAY! Let me start by telling you the absolute truth – and not because my paycheck depends on it (it does). This season will be bigger and bolder than the first. I mean, the episode starts on a friggin’ yacht, at a party thrown by the Darlings for Nick’s birthday. What’s better than that? If I had a yacht, I would stare out into the deep blue abyss and contemplate life’s most significant questions, such as: why is there Braille on the drive-thru ATM machines? Or why do raw almonds always taste stale? I may never have enough money to buy a yacht and ask myself those questions, but I can tell you a little bit more about this week’s premiere episode. BOOYAH! So let’s get to it.

In “THE BIRTHDAY PRESENT,” we pick up six months after where we left off -- Nick George has accepted his role as the Darling family lawyer and it looks like things have smoothed out with his wife Lisa -- or have they? Last we saw Lisa, she smooched Jeremy Darling, and afterward she said it couldn’t happen again. Did Jeremy listen, or is he just obsessed with the one woman he can’t have?

Patrick Darling reconciles with his father, Tripp, but he’s still lovesick over his transsexual-lover, Carmelita, who went missing at the end of last season. He continues searching for her much to the chagrin of Tripp and Ellen, Patrick’s wife. Will Patrick give up his pursuit and recommit to Ellen, or will he continue and jeopardize his Senate campaign?

Karen Darling is still spying (and sleeping) with Simon Elder. It’s a fact that sleeping with someone is the best way to learn his/her secrets. (Ladies, I’m single.) Is Karen starting to fall for Simon, or is she just using him to get secrets for her daddy, Tripp Darling?

In the last episode, Brian left the church and started to work for the family. His son, Brian Jr. went to live with his mom, Andrea, in Brazil. In this episode they’re back visiting Brian in the Imperial.

This is just a taste of what is going to happen on Wednesday night. I haven’t even mentioned yet that Lucy Liu joined the cast. What does she do? Who cares! She’s Lucy Liu!

This season, I promise to answer all of your questions, so send them in and I’ll answer them in the next week’s blog. And one more thing: someone at the end of this episode gets arrested.

Dave – The Writer’s Assistant

Darling Fact of the Week: Jeremy Darling had a porno tape of Buddy Ebsen doing the nasty.

Dirty Sexy Motivation

With the writers strike, I’m finding it hard to get motivated to write this blog. All the assistants are in my office bugging me to no end. NO END. They wonder why I’ve been crabby today. We all basically have to show up to work and are just waiting for the writers to come back. When the writers left last Sunday, creator Craig Wright, left me his Gong. That’s right.  I’m obsessed with it. I hit it every time someone new enters the office. Peter Krause came into the office and when I banged the gong he gave me his best Bruce Lee stare down and then he jump-kicked the coffee out of my hand. I don’t blame him, it’s the power of the gong. And believe me the gong has magical powers. I don’t even know why I said that, I guess the gong has control over me. Now it’s telling me that I need to talk about this week’s episode. So let’s get to it. 

In tonight’s episode, “THE WEDDING,” Karen Darling gets married for the fourth time, proving that commitment isn’t just hard for me. That’s right, ladies I’m single. Anyway, Karen is having second thoughts about marrying Freddy, and Nick is forced to talk to her and convince her to go through with it. What will Karen do?

In the last episode, Patrick forged an alliance, with Simon Elder, prompting him to move out of the Darling Compound.  Now Patrick’s wife, Ellen, confronts Patrick when her suspicions about his infidelity are finally confirmed. How long will Patrick deny his wife’s allegations? And how did she find out?

Brian gets an unexpected visitor, which will not only test his faith in god but also his family. Juliet also gets an unexpected phone call from heaven’s own, Natalie Kimpton (Wowsa!). Natalie asks for forgiveness not through your normal channel but through the FM dial. And trust me America or the two of you reading this, when you hear, “Free to Forgive” you won’t be able to get it out of your head.

And if that’s not enough for you to watch the show tonight, let me give you one reason summed up in three words: TRIPP GETS SCHNOCKERED!

Now, I’m going to do the same. Enjoy “THE WEDDING.”

Dirty Sexy Risks

We all take risks. It’s what being human is all about -- anything from jumping out of an airplane, to climbing Mount Everest, to wearing a bright and flowery shirt. Today, I did the latter. While other people might wear outlandish clothing on a regular basis, I am more reserved. Much more reserved. I usually rock the black t-shirt and jeans, but I got this red-flowered cowboy shirt over the weekend and I thought today was the day to debut it. At first it seemed like a bad idea. Executive Producer, Josh Reims, couldn’t even look me in the eye without laughing. And staff writer, Jake Coburn, just shook his head at me in disbelief. Just when I was about to give up, the risk paid off. Donald Sutherland pointed at me, in what I’m pretty sure was out of approval, or it might have been about the fact that I delivered him a script. Either way, wearing the shirt was worth it.

In this week’s episode, “THE GAME,” Nick risks the trust he has established with Tripp when the Darling patriarch enters into a high-stakes poker game with billionaires and none other than Simon Elder. In a game where the sky is the limit and money is no object, real estate becomes the new bargaining chip. Will Nick betray Tripp in this battle royale in order to discover what Simon Elder knows about his father’s death?

The State of New York is playing a little game of their own on Karen when they refuse her application for a marriage license. Apparently, she’s still married to her third husband, the uber-hunk and anthropologist, Sebastian Fleet. To what lengths will Karen go to divorce her EX-husband?

Patrick’s Senatorial candidacy is in jeopardy when somebody tries to out his relationship with Carmelita. Exactly who is trying to play this card? And will Patrick call their bluff?

Jeremy lives up to the promise he made to his father and takes a job in the Darling Empire. Will he succeed or will he crash and burn in his new profession?

All of this and more in this week’s salacious episode, “THE GAME.”

Now I’m going to go back into the bathroom to check myself out in this shirt. Again. Damn, I’m hot.

THE BRIDGE

A lot of people have been leaving comments after last week’s episode wondering, guessing, which one of the Darlings is not Tripp’s child but is in fact Nick’s half sibling. No, I’m not going to reveal who it is. That would be foolish and it wouldn’t be fair to all of you in the blogosphere. Is it just me or do you find the word blogosphere annoying?  I discourage you from using it. What I do encourage you to do is go to Vegas and bet on who is Nick’s half-sibling.  Who knows, you might win some money. I can’t believe I just advocated gambling. I guess gambling is Dirty, Sexy, and Money, right? Okay that was a bad joke. Let’s just get into it, people.

In this week’s episode, “THE BRIDGE,” Juliet and Jeremy turn twenty-five, and stand to inherit twenty-five million big ones each – but first they’ll celebrate by spending a million dollars on their yearly bash. The party planning comes to a screeching halt when Juliet refuses to include Natalie Kimpton, Jeremy’s girlfriend and Juliet’s ex-best friend, on the guest list. Juliet demands another cool mil to throw her own Marie Antoinette-themed party, complete with guillotine and ladies in waiting, while Jeremy chooses to host his extravaganza on the Brooklyn Bridge. Yeah, that’s right, the Brooklyn Bridge. Will the twins be able to reconcile their differences or will the money drive them further apart?

We left off last week’s episode with Nick climbing into the backseat of Simon Elder’s Mercedes Maybach. After weeks of trying to track down Mr. Elder, what will Nick learn from him? Will it be something about Elder’s secret business partnership with Nick’s father? Or will Simon share his coveted beauty secrets? How does his skin stay so soft and supple?

Since I already advocated gambling, maybe you all should bet on how much longer Brian can keep his love child a secret from his wife, who is constantly eyeing his every move. Or if Karen will spill the beans about Patrick’s affair to his wife Ellen in order to strike a bargain in Freddy’s favor. Or if Nick and Lisa’s marriage will come apart over a couple of ants.

All the answers to these wagers, and so much more on this week’s episode, “THE BRIDGE.”

THE CHIAVENNASCA

When we drink, we usually do things we regret -- such as dancing on the bar, drunk dialing our ex’s, puking, and, of course, telling our secrets to the people we shouldn’t. The best part is when you try to put all the pieces together the next day, and you finally arrive at that moment of clarity and say, ”Holy crap, I can’t believe I did that.”

This week’s episode contains some of those regretful moments, which follow some serious drinking. To put it simply: secrets will be revealed.

In this week’s episode, Nick takes a trip to Italy to track down an obscure Italian wine and a person who might be able to shed some light on Dutch’s murder. Nick attempts to make the trip a romantic getaway with Lisa, but is thwarted when Karen and her fiancé, Freddy, decide to tag along. Throw a little grappa in the mix and who knows what will happen.

I can assure you all that no one will be doing the “Italian Banker.” For those who left comments last week asking for details on that sexual position -- all I can say is that I know it involves a roll of Lira. It’s difficult to find out more than that because the Secret Society of Italian Bankers has kept this secret for generations. It’s true.

While there are no unique sexual positions in this one, we do get to finally see the oh-so-sexy Blair Underwood. That’s right, Simon Elder finally makes an appearance on the show.

Letitia spills one of the biggest secrets, finally admitting to Tripp that she had affair with his best friend Dutch. When challenged by Tripp, she assures him all of their children are his… but, is that really the truth, or is one of the Darling children not really a Darling?

Poor Brian Jr. -- not only is he still a secret to Brian’s wife, Mei Ling Hwa, but now he’s being tormented by a menacing bully, Chora Birchmeyer. Will Brian step in and help out? Not likely, but even Brian might have a change of heart. Jeremy is still trying to keep his affair with Natalie Kimpton a secret from Juliet, but Natalie has a secret of her own…

So many secrets, people!

And that’s all I can tell you for now. If you find yourself wanting more, you should check out Patrick Darling’s myspace profile:

www.myspace.com/patrickdarlingdsm

Dirty Sexy Secrets: After months on the job, I finally met Glenn Fitzgerald (aka Brian) last Friday. The meeting soon became awkward after I commented how cool I thought his Nike warm-up jacket was and then proceeded to touch it. Glenn just stared at me and said, “I hate you.” I guess I deserved that. Also Peter Krause just told me a really funny knock-knock joke. It actually made me laugh. But I don’t remember the joke. Good times.

Enjoy Wednesday’s episode, THE CHIAVENNASCA, and let us know what you think.

Welcome !

Welcome to the Writers’ Blog of Dirty Sexy Money. Finally, two weeks after the show premiered, here it is—what took so long? We’ve been too busy being Dirty and Sexy – whatever that means. Can writers even be sexy? Well, maybe Hemmingway or Hunter S. Thompson. Can writers be dirty? Certainly. And to prove it, each and every week we’ll be sharing dirty little secrets from our upcoming episodes and behind the scenes.

This week’s episode called, “The Italian Banker,” features one of the Darlings in a compromising position. That’s right people—a sex tape.

And I’ve seen the footage. Good times.

Which Darling do you think it is? The first person to answer correctly gets a shout-out in next week’s blog.

Not only is there a sex tape in this episode, but there are so many other Dirty Sexy moments. Last week we left off with Nick cracking the code to his father’s briefcase, finding inside a dossier on Simon Elder – the Billionaire philanthropist, played by the oh-so-sexy Blair Underwood – I said it, and I’m straight, and I dare anyone to disagree with me. So did Simon Elder kill Dutch? That’s what Nick’s wondering when he takes this discovery to the police.

Brian brought his illegitimate son home to his wife and kids, but instead of confessing his sins, he lies and tells them the boy’s a Swedish orphan named Gustav. How long will he be able to keep this secret from his suspicious wife and the clergy?

Speaking of secrets, Tripp forces Patrick to break up with his tranny girlfriend, Carmelita, before the launch of his Senatorial campaign. And they’re not hosting his launch at your run-of-the-mill banquet hall. Oh no! In grandiose Darling fashion, they’re holding it at Bvlgari, the luxurious Italian jewelry store. Nothing says “vote for me” better than a complimentary three hundred thousand dollar diamond necklace. And Jeremy’s secret affair with Natalie Kimpton, Juliet’s arch nemesis, threatens to be revealed when Natalie shows up to Patrick’s campaign launch… naked! (Okay, that last part’s not true. But I wish.)

Tune in to tonight’s episode to find out what kind of trouble the Darlings get into. Log on afterwards, we would love to hear your comments and questions. And with that, I’m going to go watch the sex tape again. Whoa- Mama!

Dirty Secrets: William Baldwin is still crying about the Yankees loss — I’m sorry, Billy, but we’re here for you. And today I heard Donald Sutherland walking down the writers’ hall, singing a song. What song was it, you ask? Well… Keep reading this blog, and once we get to know each other, these are the kinds of secrets I just may let slip.